GODZILLA BATTLES MOTHRA… FROM SIX FEET AWAY!

MONSTERS GOTTA MONSTER!

Godzilla and Mothra have tangled again and again over the years. 

In 1964, the giant moth was getting the best of the giant lizard but was eventually defeated by radioactive breath. In 1992, Mothra left the earth with Battra. 

Last week, the two met to battle once again. But this time, the unprecedented nature of our modern age required a specific type of fight. 

“They stayed six feet apart,” said Arnold Kent, who witnessed the conflict from his home office on the California coast. “At first that seemed to advantage Godzilla, because he can breathe fire and so forth. But he was wearing a mask, and he couldn’t even really do that. He looked so frustrated and defeated.”

“And then,” Kent continued, more animated now, “Mothra beat her wings so powerfully that Godzilla was knocked backwards against a building. But when she flew over to administer the death blow, she was reminded of social distancing and immediately flew back. Her Shobijin, the two tiny fairy-like figures that accompany her, were quite upset.”

SAFETY OF OTHERS

Others who watched confirmed that as much as Godzilla and Mothra seemed determined to vanquish one another, their main priority seemed to be the safety of others. “It makes sense,” said Kent’s wife Patricia. “I mean, if dropets from a person can travel six feet or more, what about droplets from the breath of a huge radioactive lizard, or droplets accelerated by the beating of a massive moth’s wings?”

“What about them?” said Arthur Kent.

“It was a rhetorical question,” said Patricia.

After standing and looking at each other angrily for some time, both Godzilla and Mothra departed for their respective lairs, where they continued the fight via Zoom. Both lizard and moth issued a torrent of angry words and both signed off furious.

IS THERE A RECORD?

“I hope one of them was recording it,” said Kent. “This kind of thing deserves to be preserved for posterity.” 

“Does it?” said Patricia.

“Was that rhetorical?” said Kent.

“Was it?” said Patricia.

This went on for hours.