BETTER TIMES AHEAD!
Since March, the United States has been dealing with the coronavirus pandemic, just like the rest of the world. Some communities have gone into quarantine protocol. Others are following strict social distancing rules.
Many Americans are struggling to deal with the fallout of the pandemic, both emotional and financial.
But a solution is coming.
No, not testing. That may be weeks or even months away.
DNI Wentworth, a company is Goldenrod Falls, Missouri, has announced that beginning next week they will go into production on rose-colored glasses. The devices, manufactured under an initiative called Project Rosy Outlook, are meant to assist Americans with thinking positive thoughts about the stressful present.
“I’ve always been a glass-half-full kind of guy,” said William Brookton, the president and CEO of DNI Wentworth. “But these these rose-colored glasses, it’s a glass half full of strawberry-looking milk.”
“Because the lenses in his glasses create a reddish tint, thus changing the shade of otherwise white milk,” said Jeremy Tattabot, the company’s senior Vice President in charge of marketing.
“Shut up, Jeremy,” said Brookton. “People understand my jokes without you clumsy-footing your way into the conversation.”
“Yeah, Jeremy,” said Brookton’s daughter Louise.
Tattabot fell silent.
CUPID IS ON VACATION
Louise and Tattabot were an item beginning last summer, when the slim, fresh-faced young executive encountered the boss’s daughter at a company picnic. The two dated on and off through the winter, but broke up finally last month, when Louise returned Tattabot’s class ring and letterman’s jacket.
“Louise is my pride and joy,” said Brookton. “She was a Rhodes scholar and also has competed in rodeo. I mean, there’s no one like her. Even without these glasses.” He removed them. “I still think the same. Told you.”
“Oh, dad,” Louise said. “I love that you verified a metaphor by bringing about its absence, and with a physical description of same no less.”
“I love you, Elbee,” said Brookton. He turned to Jeremy. “That was my nickname for her when she was a tiny little girl. But when she was a teenager, one day she marched out and told me that it made her feel self-conscious about her weight.”
“Because initially it was her initials?” said Tattanot. “Pardon the wordplay. But then did it begin to make her think about her weight, given the abbreviation lb, from the Latin libra or libra pondo, meaning pound weight?”
“Shut up, Jeremy,” said Brookton. “Again, no one invited you.”
“Yeah, Jeremy,” said Louise.
FROM CARRIAGE WHEELS TO CAR HORNS
DNI Wentworth was founded in 1889 as a company that fashioned carriage wheels for horse-drawn carriages, and evolved and expanded to become one of the nation’s top industrial conglomerates, manufacturing everything from lenses for telescopes to smart toilets to automotive horns.
