FIRST TIME IN ASTROLOGICAL HISTORY!
Astrologers from around the globe call this the greatest event in history. All the planets have aligned! The stars are all showing the same exact reading for every human being of every sign.
“We call it ‘The Great Conjunction’, said Madame Rosa of Asbury Park, NJ. “No astrological professional ever thought this day would come. Everyone on the planet will have the EXACT SAME day. It’s a miracle of sorts.”
The Great Conjunction, the total alignment of zodiac signs means that humans for the first time in recorded history will experience the same day.
It doesn’t matter if you are a Taurus, a Gemini, a Leo, a Cancer, an Aries, a Libra, a Scorpio, a Sagittarius, a Pisces, a Virgo, an Aquarius or Capricorn – we are all the same. United in the stars.
TODAY’S HOROSCOPE
According to Madame Rosa, here’s some of what’s in store for everybody born under any sign today:
- Today will be a good day for self-reflection. You will spend a good deal of time alone, interspersed with a few moments of interaction with one or two of your closest relatives or friends.
- You won’t meet anyone new. Don’t worry about meeting someone new and expanding your social network. It is best if you stay inside and keep to yourself. You will find your own company is much better than anybody else you would want to be with.
- Don’t annoy your relatives. You may be tempted to air your grievances to those closest to you. You may want to “lash out” at them for something small that bothers you. Don’t do it. Just hold your breath and count to 30 days. Then you can express your true feelings.
- Love yourself. If you are not with your significant other, make sure you take some time to love yourself. Why not? You come into this world alone and you leave alone. Why not spend some quality time with yourself? And if you are with your significant other – it’s still a good idea to love yourself. You can be close and safe at the same time.
THINGS LOOKING UP?
5. Be positive. The world may seem like it’s ending and that there is no hope. You may be
right, but that doesn’t mean you have to be negative about it all. Smile. Dance, Make a
TikTok video. Might as well enjoy the time we have and lift the spirits of those around you.
6. Cleanliness is important to you today. You may not have been focused on your personal
hygiene earlier in the year, but for some reason you will feel the need to be clean, to wash
your hands and feet and to make sure that anything you touch or look at, is sterilized.
7. Eat whatever you want. In the long run, whatever food choices you make today will have
no effect on your body. You may want to starve yourself or you may want to eat everything
in the house. Either way is fine. It will have no lasting impact on your happiness. In fact,
you may not see happiness for a while, so why not eat (or not eat) whatever you want.
8. Take a long walk. A long walk would be a great idea for you today. Take it by yourself or
with someone close to you. But don’t get too close. The stars are saying that you should be
a good six feet away from anybody you love or want to love. A walk of ten minutes or ten
hours would be fine. Tomorrow is another day!
Astrologers tell Weekly World News that there is a 75.3% chance that tomorrow may bring another Great Conjunction. We will be right there with you – reporting on this once-in-a-lifetime event.
Well, this is uncanny. I’ve been reading my stars for some years, and while I’ve sometimes been unhappy with what they say — I wish I’d been born an Aries instead of a Taurus — I’ve never seen an event like this. Thanks for bringing us this (um) earth-shaking news.