LAS VEGAS, NV – The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are at it again. They have stunned fans (and foes) with news of their upcoming Las Vegas residency. Death, War, Famine, and Conquest signed a multi-million dollar deal with Circus Circus. The deal will have the sinister foursome performing for rapt audiences until Spring 2020.
Tickets are available for adults only, which has entertainment insiders speculating on the nature of the show. All those who attend must sign a waiver absolving the “God Squad” and Circus Circus of liability for any death or destruction.
The Four Horsemen have never performed on any other stage or screen, though they did make an appearance on Bonanza in the 1960s. But ticket sales are booming and the first three months of shows have already sold out.
BRINGING THE APOCALYPSE TO LIFE
Preparations are being made for the extravaganza at Circus Circus. The Three Ring Ballroom is being renovated for the show. Security will be extremely tight. Insiders tell Weekly World News that they are building an extravagant set. One that will include a towering guillotine, a pit of fire and cleverly placed televisions broadcasting The Big Bang Theory.
Will there actually be an apocalypse during the show? You’ll have to buy a ticket and see for yourself. “You can come by, but you may never leave.”
The producers are using “non-traditional casting” for the show. They are specifically looking for “drifters, loners, and derelicts.” “We want a very special type of performer,” said Joe Basilla, one of the producers. “Someone without a large family or a close-knit support system. We don’t want anyone who would be missed.”
Readers will remember that the Four Horsemen are harbingers of doom. According to the Bible, their appearance signals the beginning of the Apocalypse. When you see them, you know most of us will die in the near future.
The prophecy of The Four Horsemen describes a time when a quarter of the population of the earth will be killed by a combination of wars, famine, and disease. Even though they have this dark reputation, the Four Horsemen have proven to be anything but that. They actually are a jolly crew.
Recently they have been spotted in a number of places. They boozed it up in with small-town folks in Arizona, co-hosted an award show with Gilbert Godfried and spent a good deal of time with Congressmen in DC. The Four Horsemen are also currently in talks to do the halftime show at the Super Bowl next year.
WILL THE Apocalypse in Vegas stay in Vegas?
Despite their friendly nature, The Four Horsemen are generally not well received. Pope Francis made a statement earlier this week, calling for calm, but some Catholics around the globe are already starting to panic.
In Cartagena, Columbia local nuns have barricaded themselves in a local mall, vowing to ride out the coming secular extermination. There are protests and rioting reported in cities across the globe as people begin Apocalypse preparations.
Pat Robertson of the 700 Club called the appearance of the Four Horsemen “a sure sign of God’s displeasure with all that weird gay sex.” He warns Christians to prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.” He added, “And don’t forget to send in your money!”
Love them or hate them, this Vegas spectacular is certain to catapult the Celestial Cowpokes to even greater popularity. What this means for the future of Las Vegas, entertainment, or the world in general, remains to be seen.
So head to Vegas – you’re guaranteed the show of a lifetime!
I heard the Horsemen OWN Los (or is it Lost) Vegas.