WASHINGTON, DC – Today Donald Trump took the bold, daring step to send dragons, zombies and flying monkeys to the border.
“We need to protect our country. And it is my job to make sure we are safe. The wall is big and beautiful and we’re building fifty to one hundred miles every day, but it’s not enough,” the President said today.
“I have hereby authorized the Department of Defense and Homeland Security to send dragons to the border. For centuries dragons have been used to keep people away and I have complete faith that they will do that for us as well.”
The President went on to say that in support of the dragons he was sending zombies and flying monkeys. The President told WWN that the zombies definitely have a deterrent, especially at this time of year. And the flying monkeys? The President said this, “I have always loved flying monkeys. They are terrific beings and I love the way they handle themselves. They fight back. They’re counterpunchers, just like me. So, I am sending 90,000 flying monkeys to the border.”
Unfortunately, Homeland Security made a major mistake and sent the flying monkeys to the northern border of the United States. Canadian authorities have been getting complaints all day about their citizens being attacked by zombies and flying monkeys.
The dragons have made a move on Toronto and Montreal, causing great chaos and destruction. They were supposed to be used only for defensive purposes but as Secretary of State, Mike Pompeo said, “it’s not easy controlling dragons. They tend to think for themselves.”
President Trump acknowledged the mistake but will keep the beasts on the northern border. “Why not?” he told WWN. “I will just be sending the same amount of these patriotic beasts to the southern border. Keep us super safe.”
Additionally, President Trump said he is working on a force field that will cover the entire United States. “I think we can get a big, beautiful force field over the country by the time of my re-election.
I thought they dropped the zombies on France!