SUZANNE SOMERS TO LIVE FOREVER

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LOS ANGELES, CA – Suzanne Somers has recently come forward with the experimental hormone program which will give her eternal life.

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BRITISH PARTY LEADER WOULD PUBLISH UFO FILES

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SUNDERLAND, UK – The current leader of England’s Conservative Party has vowed to release secret UFO files if he becomes prime minister.

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REPUBLICAN STIMULUS PLAN TANTRUM

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WASHINGTON, DC – Last night, Congress passed a proposed $819 billion stimulus package.  At a vote of 244 to 188, the bill passed despite no Republican support.

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SECRETARIES PROTEST STARBUCKS DECAF CHANGE

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SEATTLE, WA – Secretaries have begun rioting near Starbucks’ headquarters after news spread that decaf coffee would no longer be brewed after noon.

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