SALEM, SC – Video has been released of divers exploring the remains of a hotel deep beneath the man-made Lake Jocassee.
Headlines
NIKE SIGNS GOD AS SPOKESMAN
LOS ANGELES, CA – Spokespeople for Nike Corporation announced yesterday the signing of God as the centerpiece of the ‘Thou Shalt Just Do It’ campaign.
BARRELEYE FISH CAUGHT ON VIDEO
MONTEREY, CA – Scientists have finally caught the barreleye fish on video, verifying it’s transparent head and internal eyes!
OSCARS MONTAGE BOMBS
LOS ANGELES, CA – Hollywood’s biggest night was marred by its own vanity when a 32-minute tribute video put most of its celebrity audience to sleep!
SWEARING AT GOD IS GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH
BALTIMORE, MD – A recently completed study has shown that profanity leveled at deities can extend your lifespan.
LOST CITY OF ATLANTIS FOUND?
CANARY ISLANDS – A perfect rectangle of criss-crossing lines has been found on the ocean floor 620 miles off the coast of West Africa. Is this the lost city of Atlantis?
WHALES TAKE DOWN SOMALI PIRATES
CAIRO—The Egyptian government is calling on the gentle giants of the sea to take out pirate ships, and the whales are getting the job done.
MAN SUES HIMSELF FOR $8 MILLION
NEW YORK, NY – Wall Street executive Robert Rubin has successfully sued himself for $8 million.
MAN CHARGED WITH MURDERING COMPUTER
MUMBAI – In one of the most controversial cases in legal history, a man is being charged with murder for destroying a computer.
OREGON BEER TAX HIKE PROTEST
PORTLAND, OR – After a 1,900% tax hike was proposed to help the state budget, Oregon residents have protested by dumping beer into the Portland harbor.