NEW YORK, NY – Following three years of repair, the USS Intrepid’s return to Manhattan was greeted by the Tri-State Area’s only known Kraken.
DALLAS, TX – Republican presidential nominee John McCain announced Monday he will suspend his campaign yet again in order to upgrade his cybernetic systems.
WASILLA, AK – Representatives from the McCain Campaign have confirmed that Vice Presidential candidate, Governor Sarah Palin, will spend the Columbus Day holiday on a witch hunt.
CHICAGO, IL – The University of Illinois at Chicago announced this morning that they have offered OJ Simpson an adjunct professorship in its prestigious Drama department.
AUSTIN, TX – On the campus of The University of Texas yesterday afternoon, Bat Boy registered to vote in the Lone Star State.
This marked the forty-eighth state in which the half-bat, half-boy national icon successfully registered to help the nation decide the next US President.
NEW YORK, NY – As part of the acquisition by Bank of America, Merrill Lynch agreed to slaughter their famous bull corporate logo.
ATLANTIC OCEAN – Steve Fossett’s airplane and personal items were discovered in Inyo National Forest, California a year after the millionaire adventurer went missing. But there was no sign of a body in the wreckage. Then officials got the call from the captain of a merchant vessel.
NEW YORK, NY – Mayor Mike Bloomberg has crowned himself Emperor of New York. The two term mayor has decided to sidestep legal term limits requiring him to step down next year by crowning himself sovereign ruler.
Madonna has a secret celebrity child! Do you want to know who?
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Bruce Wayne has deep pockets and Batboy knows it. In an attempt to extort money from the wealthy playboy, folk hero Batboy filed a paternity suit in early May of this year.