REDMOND, WA – Bill Gates announced that the technology used to make the Xbox Kinect was created by an aliens.
LIL’ WAYNE TO JOIN THE PRIESTHOOD
NEW YORK – Rapper Lil Wayne, who was just released from prison for illegal weapons possession, announced that he’ll be joining the priesthood.
ARKANSAS – Citizens of the Razorback State voted “yes” on a state proposition that will permit the construction of Wal-Mart City.
JON STEWART TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT
WASHINGTON – Jon Stewart announced this morning that he will run for president in 2012.
SWISS TUNNEL TO HELL
ZURICH – Swiss engineers building the world’s largest tunnel drilled right into hell!
AIR MAKES YOU FAT!
BOSTON – The air you’re breathing is making you fat!
PADRES SELL SOULS FOR PLAYOFF SPOT
SAN DIEGO – The Padres, two games out for the wild card, decided to sell their souls to the devil.
JIMMY CARTER PREGNANT!
CLEVELAND – Doctors have finally diagnosed Jimmy Carter’s mysterious medical condition: he’s pregnant!