Crop Circles are Alien Graffiti!

Outraged space aliens left Earth in a huff after juvenile delinquents vandalized their flying saucer by spray-painting the UFO with graffiti and stealing its hubcaps!
And the extraterrestrials returned to take revenge for that shocking 1957 incident — by defacing our planet with their own form of graffiti: Crop circles!
“After spending decades trying to decipher crop circles, believing they were profound messages, possibly with religious significance, we have found instead they are nothing more than obscenity-laced insults,” reveals an Air Force code-breaking expert involved in the investigation.
“Translated into colloquial English, they say things like ‘Bite me,’ ‘Earth sucks,’ ‘Drop dead’ and ‘*@ #%$ you, Earthlings!’
The unfortunate incident that sparked the ugly alien backlash occurred on May 25, 1957, in a rough section of Detroit, when an alien vessel landed in an abandoned lot at about 3:35 a.m.
According to the Air Force researcher, a trio of alien astronauts set out from the saucer, making the classic request, “Take me to your leader” of the first person they met.
“They expected a hero’s welcome — unfortunately, their initial contactee was a youth-gang member who thought they wanted to meet the leader of his gang, a man named Julio,” the Air Force source reveals.
“They spent several hours fruitlessly searching the streets for this Julio — and when they returned to the saucer, they found to their dismay that it had been trashed.
“Members of a rival gang known as the Avengers had spray-painted “Go home lizard men,” their names as well as numerous curse words and the phone numbers of high school girls they described as ‘easy.’ They also pried off six disk-shaped objects that appear to have served only a decorative purpose.
“Angered, the aliens took off — but not before a police photographer who had arrived on the scene took a dazzling photograph of the defaced saucer.”
The Air Force and FBI acted quickly to cover up the close encounter, seizing the photograph and threatening gang members with jail time if they told anyone what they’d seen. The alien “hubcaps,” made from a still-unidentified alloy, were also taken for scientific study.
The incident sent chills up the spines of U.S. government officials — particularly since just a month later, a radio message was picked up from deep space vowing, “Vengeance shall be taken.”
“Then-President Eisenhower stepped up Air Force surveillance of the skies and put production of nuclear weapons into high gear,” the researcher reveals.
“His advisers feared that the graffiti incident had sparked an interstellar war — and every U.S. leader since has worried about an imminent invasion from outer space.
“This was one of the reasons why Ronald Reagan pushed so hard for his space-based ‘Star Wars’ missile defense system.”
Within a few years of the UFO vandalization, crop circles began to appear around the world and the puzzling markings have proliferated ever since. “We’ve been desperately trying to translate them,” says the Air Force source. “We knew from the start they were extraterrestrial messages — but until now we didn’t know this was the form the alien ‘revenge’ had taken.”
Leading UFO investigator Lauren Smythe of London called the results of the crop-circle research “a real eye-opener.”
“It’s astonishing that beings that are supposedly so advanced could react in such a petty and childish manner,” she says.