JUNEAU, AK – Sources inside the Alaska State Legislature confirm today that Governor Sarah Palin’s earmark pet project, the “Bridge to Nowhere” was partially funded by Alien Investors.
While construction of the bridge was halted after Governor Palin famously told Congress, “Thanks but no thanks!” a lesser-known “Road to Nowhere” was built using funds from a Martian investment-banking firm.
The “Road to Nowhere” in fact leads to a delicious, yet invisible to human eyes, Alien-franchised Quizno’s.
Quizno’s spokesman Alan Bremble told reporters, “We are proud to serve interplanetary travelers. There is nothing better to satisfy your hunger after traveling 100 million miles than a delicious oven-toasted sub.”
Experts have long debated why an alien race would engineer the technology for interplanetary travel. Some said it would be for universe-wide domination, enslavement of the human race, resource gathering, or to simply expand their knowledge of the universe. It seems we now know that these experts are wrong.
Bremble explains, “Nowhere in the universe can you get a better sub than Quizno’s”
Reached for comment, Governor Palin told Weekly World News, “Of course we want to build a strong relationship with the aliens. If they can travel through space, don’t ya think they’d be good allies against Russia… Not that we’re planning anything!” she laughed.