WASHINGTON – Several days after Michele Bachmann won approval for The Tea Party Caucus in the House, Nancy Pelosi has announced she will join.
Speaker of the House Pelosi made this statement, “Even though there are many cross-dressers, nail-biters and bedwetters in this Republican caucus, I think by joining I can finally get them to think straight.” She explained that Republicans have a long history of closeted sexual behavior and the “best way to win over Tea Party members is to go their caucus meetings, tie them up and beat them. That’s what they want, and that’s what I’ll give them. Really, it’s very similar to the way I work with every other Caucus.”
When Jake Tapper of ABC asked her why she was dressed as dominatrix for the press conference, Pelosi said “Oh, I just forgot to change. I’m tired of being subtle and many Republican House members love it, particularly Representative Pete Sessions of Texas… he’s a bad boy, a really bad boy.” Pelosi snapped her whip toward Rep. Sessions, who then barked like a dog.
Michelle Bachman, who originally extended the invitation to Pelosi to join the Tea Party Caucus as a political move, was a bit skeptical “I’ve never been a fan of Pelosi’s techniques, especially when she makes me dress up as Eleanor Roosevelt and sing union songs.” But other Tea Party Caucus members were more upbeat about Pelosi’s decision. “I love it when Nancy puts me in a corset thong and makes me crawl across the floor, while telling me I don’t need to read the bills, I just need to sign them,” said Mike Pence, Representative of Indiana, who managed to step away from his mirror to talk to WWN.
Gary G. Miller, a Representative from California said, “I wholeheartedly welcome Nancy into our new caucus. I’ve always loved her legislative approach. I particularly like it when she attaches electrodes to my testicles. It really helps me understand the issues better.”
When asked if she thought members of the Tea Party Caucus were racists, Speaker Pelosi said, “Racists? No, no, no… the Tea Party is just a bunch of old Klan members with bad teeth.”
Joe Wilson, the Representative who yelled “you lie” at President Barack Obama during a speech to Congress, said that he intends to yell that phrase repeatedly at Pelosi during Tea Party Caucus meetings. Pelosi responded, “Oh, he just wants more of my attention. I’ll just put a ball gag in his mouth and slap him around for an hour. He loves being my bitch.”
The Tea Party will meet in the dungeon of The Capitol every Wednesday at 4 a.m.