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STRAIGHT TALK EXPRESS TO TIME TRAVEL


PHOENIX, AZ – With his presidential bid seen as lost, John McCain is putting a Flux Capacitor on the Straight Talk Express. It appears that the GOP is resorting to time travel to secure the election.  McCain is expected to travel back in time later this evening and change several strategies of his earlier campaign.

Campaign officials have gone on record assuring voters that the time machine is eco-friendly and will run on all natural fusion from renewable Venusian grade Dark Matter.

There is much speculation about what strategic changes McCain will make, including whether he will pick a new running mate.  When asked about having her relevancy erased from existence, Palin instead talked about American Exceptionalism and rural anecdotes.

A functional time machine is currently being installed by the MIT Motor-Shop class who put the hydraulics, hover-conversion, and 13” sub-woofers on Stephen Hawking’s motorized chair.  McCain hopes the new “Tricked Out” look will help him appeal to younger voters.

Further changes in the timeline are not expected by the Arizona senator as the Republican campaign can only afford enough fuel to send him back roughly three months.