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That Judge Alito guy is my new hero!

When the Teleprompter Kid was blabbing away at that State of the Union and telling all kinds of whoppers, Alito mumbled, “Not true.”

At first I thought: “They put that OJ Simpson judge on the Supreme Court?” But this Alito guy isn’t Chinese or whatever. Even so, he’s pretty smart!

Which is good because some of those other judges are lousy. Look at that Sotomayor: they let a Mexican on the Supreme Court, which is bad enough. But they didn’t even make her climb over a fence and running through two miles of sand! Plus I hear they’re paying her more than five bucks an hour!

Then there’s that little shriveled midget lady who always falls asleep! If that’s what they wanted on the Supreme Court, they should’ve just hired my mother in law. She’s seen enough of those judge shows on TV that she’d do just as good a job.

Both those women should go back to the kitchen and make sandwiches, and leave the real judging to the men, like Alito!

The thing is: I read about all this on the computer machine after it happened. I can’t actually watch that State of the Union thing because I’ll use up all my blood pressure pills in one night.

I also can’t afford a new TV in case I throw a beer bottle at the screen!

Just the sight of that Communist-in-Chief up there, lying away – I’m an old guy and can’t take it. If I survive the next three years, it’ll be a miracle – and I’m not even a Catholic, dammit!