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So the Commies lost two out of three big votes last night!

The one in New Jersey wasn’t that big a deal. Who the hell couldn’t beat that homely, hairy, drunk driving millionaire governor, even in that Mafia-run, union thug swamp hole?

I like the new fat guy they picked, but they’re gonna have to make the doors of the mansion wider so he can fit through.

I hear he’s already put Pizza Hut on speed dial on the governor’s phone!

The Commies lost big in Virginia too. Bad news is, we didn’t win in New York, probably because it was a choice between a fat lady named Scuzzophobia and Mr. Peepers.

Scuzzophobia looks like Tony Soprano’s lesbian sister, and nobody wanted to look at THAT for the next four years! So they got rid of her and put in some other guy, and being New York, they voted for the Commie!

So the Teleprompter Kid just pouted alone all night, feeding marijuana to his unicorns out in the Rose Garden, while his wife took their kids to see one of those slutty teenage “singers.” Wow, that sets a great example! Maybe next time they can all go to Jerry Springer.

Turns out the Communist-in-Chief isn’t so special after all. Real Americans are already sick of him. They thought they were getting Sidney Poitier but he turned out to be Urkel!

Now all the Teleprompter Kid’s old friends are gonna treat him like he’s got the pig flu!

Look out, Commies! Us tea partiers are coming to get you! Just wait until next year. We’re gonna tar and feather all of you, and stick a pitchfork in you when you’re done!