I’m madder than a giraffe with tonsillitis!

MIAMI, FL – One of the first cases that will come before new Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor is a discrimination suit.

TOKYO – A group of Japanese children are convinced a zombie is attacking their home… so they fight back!

WASHINGTON, D. C. – Sen. Bill Waverly confused a crowd of supporters when he pledged “the phase-out of all voodoo rituals in the hallowed halls of the U.S. Senate.”

AMSTERDAM – Accident victim Godfried Lansing was declared dead and lay in a morgue for 48 spine-chilling hours before suddenly bouncing back to life.

AUSTIN, TX – A group of brave citizens hijacked a roadside sign to warn of a possible zombie outbreak!

LOS ANGELES, CA – Horror movie actress Kate Beckinsale applied zombie make-up to her face six weeks ago and hasn’t been able to remove it!

BAJA, MEXICO – Mexican villagers trying to break a dance record on the Day of the Dead were in for an unwelcome surprise.

“The town was filled with zombies, and the Jenkins needed their barn raised. Seemed like the natural thing to do.”

After years of being hounded by conspiracy theorists and journalists from alternative publications, reporter Michael “Skipper” Entwistle finally got Margaret Thatcher to admit she is a zombie.