NEW YORK, NY – Last night, in a stunning announcement, Brett Favre admitted that much his childhood hero, Spock, he is only half-human. The other half, it was discovered, is robotic.  Said Favre, ‘I’ve hid it for a long time, and I think it’s about time I spill my guts – well at least half of them anyway.’

The story broke prior to Brett’s appearance on sportscaster Joe Buck’s new HBO show.  But the rumors have been circulating for years.

Many consider Favre’s durability and arm strength impossible.  The 39 year old still possesses a cannon on his shoulder, and now it turns out, his arm “was in fact modeled after a howitzer”, said an anonymous source that this reporter tracked down in a remote robotic lab in Louisiana, which may in fact have constructed the quarterback.  “Look at his injury record”, the source continued. “He plays the hardest position in sports, and no one comes close to matching his durability.  I can’t believe people never put 2 and 2 together before. He never gets hurt because he can’t get hurt.”

Is it so far fetched? A half-robotic athlete? This reporter has seen the movie X-Men.  If they can do it with Wolverine, who’s to say some crazed scientist wouldn’t do it with a sports figure?  In fact, it helps explain the rationale of his countless retirements. The human side of him knows it’s time to quit, but the robotic half keeps telling him that’s just his emotions talking, and his robotic lifespan will allow another 20 years.

We’ll see come September if Brett will play again in the NFL, but at least now we have a better understanding of how he was built, why he never gets injured, and why his endless comebacks are so methodical.  It’s in his DNA and programming.

For more Shoeless Joe Jackson, and articles and videos that spin sports and comedy in ways ESPN isn’t allowed to, check out http://www.dailyballbreakers.com/ (breaking balls every day).

NEW YORK, NY – Several real-life superheroes claiming to be the inspiration for years of Marvel Comics work are seeking $750 million in back pay from Stan Lee.

Among the superheroes appearing in court were some of the staples of New York’s crime-fighting team including Captain Captain, The Scarlet Whip, and ElectoBlue.

While it has never been made public before, it has long been rumored that Stan Lee and Marvel Entertainment based their characters on real-life superheroes.  The defendants of the lawsuit filed today claim to have contracts signed by Lee nearly 50 years ago giving him the rights to adapt their identities in exchange for hefty royalties.

Captain Captain, who has recently begun referring to himself as “A Fantastic Four of One” spoke to reporters outside the courthouse, “We aren’t greedy and we aren’t whiners.  We protect this city from evil, from crime, and from terror.  All we ask is to be appreciated, and when appropriate, for 750 million dollars in backpay.”

Claiming to be the inspiration for all four members of Lee’s Fantastic Four characters, reporters asked Captain Captain how he could be owed backpay when the two Fantastic Four movies were resounding flops at the box office.

“No comment.”

2004-2008 were the most successful years in the history of Marvel Entertainment as films based on X-Men, Iron Man, and Spiderman earned hundreds of millions of dollars each domestically and internationally.  The defendants claim their timing is unrelated to recent successes.

Lee has previously admitted to basing some of his characters on real-life superheroes, although he has said he made significant enough changes as to avoid paying royalties.

“Captain Captain is an American hero and a vital part of New York’s crime fighting team, but the Fantastic Four he is not,” Lee said in a prepared statement through his spokeswoman.  “I collaborated with him in the 80s on a storyline highlighting his years of achievement that featured cameos from A-List characters such as Wolverine and The Incredible Hulk.”

“For this series, and for other work, Captain Captain was paid appropriately.  Some might say inappropriately high due to the lack of interest.  What I won’t do, though, is pay royalties off of someone else’s successes because Captain Captain is looking to bolster a retirement account or ElectroBlue needs to pay off gambling debts.”