NEW YORK, NY – Charles Gibson announced his retirement from news.  He will spend his twilight years in search of Shangri La.

On Tuesday, Charles Gibson announced that he would retire from hosting ABC’s evening news program, to be replaced by Diane Sawyer.  The title of the show, World News with Charles Gibson, will remain unchanged.

Gibson admitted, in an interview with himself, that he hopes to use his newfound free time to track down the legendary Shangri La.  He said that the mystic outpost hidden in the mountains of Asia has always held an appeal to him.

In his early years Charlie Gibson’s life was saved by a Nepalese medicine man.  At a little league game, Gibson caught a line drive straight to his solar plexus, which was nearly a fatal injury.  Thankfully a Buddhist medicine man was wandering by at the time, and tended to the young Gibson’s wounds.  When the ever-curious young Gibson asked where he’d learned to do such wonders, the monk said, “Shangri La” and waved slightly before disappearing on the 3:14 downtown bus.

“Now,” Gibson said, “with my career behind me and my wife desperate to keep me occupied, I’m ready to search for the fabled lost city.”

Most legends describe Shangri La as a paradise hidden within the Himalayan mountains, near Tibet or Nepal.  Some stories describe it as a lost colony of fabled Atlantis, residing in a hollowed out mountain.  The Chinese government refuses to confirm or deny its possible existence.

Gibson, who only sees his wife on holidays and hasn’t seen his two children since the mid nineties, will now begin training full time at a ranch in South Dakota.  There he will learn mountain climbing, three dialects of the Chinese language, and Quivering Palm Death Touch Kung Fu.  According to instructors, Charles “Take No Prisoners” Gibson is living up to the nickname given to him in the news world.  Gibson says he should be ready to lead an expedition by late 2010.

HAVANA, CUBA – Fidel Castro met with US lawmakers for the first time in years this Tuesday.  Political expert the Alien was on hand to assist with the talks. 
Washington is attempting to warm up relations with the communist country, including lifting the ban on American travel and the long held trade embargo.

The Alien, acting as an outside opinion, agreed that a furthered dialogue could be beneficial for both nations.

“The Cold War is long over.  There is no reason these two nations should not pursue a dialogue which could be mutually beneficial.”

Fidel Castro requested the Alien specifically to help mediate the meeting.  It was during the most heated portion of America’s relationship with Cuba that the Alien crash landed in Roswell New Mexico.  At the time Castro was obsessed with learning what advantages, technological or political, the Alien may be giving his cold war adversaries.  Finally seeing the Alien, knowing with certainty he exists and even talking with him, was the realization of a long held dream for Mr. Castro.

The meeting focused on the normalization between the two countries, and what that could mean.  Fidel and his brother Raul Castro believe that the Obama administration may be able to finally open the doors between the neighboring countries.

After the meeting Fidel took the Alien aside to ask about the part he played in “the old days.”  The Alien, although very polite, seemed very uncomfortable and kept giving the ‘help me’ signal to his fellow delegates.

The typically staunch communist leader seemed very keen on seeing improved US Cuba relations within his lifetime, and sent all the delegates home with large boxes of cigars and novelty military hat /fake beard sets.