Ben Bernanke says that the worst of the recession is over and the economy will level out, thanks to a large reserve of gold found hidden under Mount Rushmore.

WASHINGTON, DC – The IMF predicts a shrinking world economy over the next few years. This troubling news sent lard and cornmeal futures skyrocketing.

TOKYO, JAPAN – Following reports this week of a Japanese restaurant employing a staff of monkey waiters, Shibuya hideaway, DaiDai, has announced the recent hire of the world’s tiniest Bigfoot!