APPALACHIAN TRAIL, WV – Hikers find a woman who has feet for hands in the mountains of Appalachia.

George and Phyllis Henderson were hiking through the famous Appalachian Trail when they heard a rustling in the bushes just off their path. They immediately took a defensive stance bracing for an attack by a wild animal.

When no attack commenced, the couple slowly crept toward the source of the sound, quickly discovering that the noise came not from a vicious wild animal but from of a beautiful young woman who had feet for hands!

“We couldn’t believe our eyes when we saw her,” said George, “Phyllis fainted at the sight. You can’t really blame her though; the girl was seriously overdue for a double pedicure. And you can’t really place the blame on the girl either. Not having any thumbs and all, it must be really hard to keep those talons in check.”

The young woman, who is from a small village wedged in between Shady Spring and Princeton, West Virginia just north of the trail, recently ran away from the town tired of continually being mocked and teased with comments like: “Careful, don’t trip now.”, “That girl, she really has two left feet.” and “Something’s afoot.”

George just wanted to continue on with the hike but Phyllis insisted that they immediately abandon their day excursion to take the girl to the nearest nail salon to remedy her podiatric predicament.

“I knew that the poor thing was going to need a lot more to help her fit into society, but every girl loves a pedicure, I know I do,” said Phyllis, “and by the looks of the hooves on her, a pedicure was a good start.”

Since discovery of the four-footed female, news of the woman has spread fast through the foot fetish community and thousands of paraphiles have been sending two pairs of identical shoes, requesting that she wear both pairs, take pictures of herself in the shoes and mail the pictures and the shoes back.

“This seems completely unfair for this girl,” said foot fetish model Felicia Morgan, “The least those pervs can do is let her keep the shoes!”

It has been rumored that Rex Ryan, head coach of the New York Jets and known paraphile, has already sent her four double pairs of Manolo Blahniks, three double pairs of Jimmy Choos, and 6 double pairs of varying colored football cleats.

However, it seems that Larry Flint of Hustler Magazine has beaten all of these guys to the punch. Sources say that Flint has already secured a deal with the Appalachian beauty and WWN has the pictures to prove it. If all goes as planned, this young woman might just have a fresh new beginning and start things off on the right foot.

WWN EXCLUSIVE:  Dr. Barry Leed, the author of Going Mutant, is interviewed about the starting life of Bat Boy!

Dr. Barry Leed, who has a Ph.D. in Mutant Bat Studies, talks to award-winning journalist Nancy Waite in a rare interview about the best-selling novel, Going Mutant, which chronicles Bat Boy’s life and adventures.

Dr. Leed used unproven and highly dangers methods to collect data on Bat Boy, especially how Dr. Leed gained entrance to Bat Boy’s cave.  Dr. Leed has dedicated his life to the pursuit of Bat Boy and is generous in sharing his work with Waite.

Going Mutant has become a New York Times bestseller already and is rising on the Amazon charts.  You can PURCHASE GOING MUTANT HERE. Get it while it’s still in stock!

Bat Boy is not pleased about the book, as you can tell in this interview.

Watch the full interview here:

CHICAGO – The John D.  and Catherine T MacArthur Foundation today made it official.  Bat Boy is a genius.

Weekly World News is proud to announce that Bat Boy has been chosen by the MacArthur Foundation to receive one of its prestigious fellowships, also called “genius grants.”

Upon hearing the news Bat Boy took a baseball bat and smashed the offices of the MacArthur Foundation.  They didn’t mind though… “he’s a genius, he can do whatever he wants.”

The recipients of the fellowship, including Bat Boy, will each receive $500,000 in “no strings attached” support over the next five years. MacArthur Fellowships come without stipulations and reporting requirements and offer Fellows unprecedented freedom and opportunity to reflect, create, and explore. The work of MacArthur Fellows knows neither boundaries nor the constraints of age, place, and endeavor.

“This group of Fellows, along with the more than 800 who have come before, reflects the tremendous breadth of creativity among us,” said MacArthur President Robert Gallucci. “They are explorers and risk takers, contributing to their fields and to society in innovative, impactful ways. They provide us all with inspiration and hope for the future.”

Gallucci spoke about choosing Bat Boy.  “There hasn’t been a more active mutant in the United States – ever.  Bat Boy’s recent work with Bat Boy Conservation to combat White-Nose Syndrome was what made him a unanimous choice.  We all love Bat Boy.”

Stephen Hawking called Bat Boy to congratulate him.  Their conversation could not be heard by any human beings, but there were a lot of enthusiastic high-pitched sounds and squeaks.  “Hawking wishes he had half the mind that the half-boy does,” Hawking’s assistant, and new lover, said.

WWN is proud of Bat Boy and wish him the best during his five-year fellowship.  To read more about Bat Boy’s life, buy the new authorized biography, GOING MUTANT.  You can get it HERE

Here’s the Complete List of 2010 MacArthur Fellows:

The 2010 MacArthur Fellows

Amir Abo-Shaeer, Physics teacher,  CA

Bat Boy, Mutant, WV

Nicholas Benson, Stone carver, RI.

Drew Berry,  biomedical animator, Australia.

Michael Bolton, Singer, NV

Carlos D. Bustamante, Population Geneticist, CA

Matthew Carter, type designer, MA

David Cromer,  Theater Director, NY

Shannon Lee Dawdy,  Anthropologist, IL

Leonardo DiCaprio,  Actor,  CA.

Annette Gordon-Reed, American historian, MA

Kim Kardashian, Entrepreneur, CA

Yiyun Li,Fiction Writer, Davis, CA

Michal Lipson, Optical physicist, Ithaca, N.Y.

Lindsay Lohan,  Actress, Hollywood, CA

Rachel Maddow, News anchor, NY

Nergis Mavalvala,  Quantum Astrophysicist, MA

Jason Moran, Jazz Pianist and composer,  NY

Sarah Palin, Grizzly Mom,  AK

Sebastian Ruth,  Violist, and Music Educator, RI

David Simon, author, producer and screenwriter, MD

Marla Spivak, entomologist, St. Paul, Minn.

Howard Stern, Broadcaster, NY

Elizabeth Turk, Sculptor, GA

CHARLESTON, WV – Didn’t get your taxes done in time? Shocked by the long post office lines? Just follow Bat Boy’s lead and file for an extension!

Yes, that’s right, America’s most lovable mutant is resorting to filing for a federal tax extension. Today’s the day, every American’s taxes are due and the post offices are full of last-minute filers. This apparently includes mutant Americans.

Dave Liu, a West Virginia resident, was standing in line two spots behind Bat Boy at the Big Tyler Road post office this morning. “I have to say, I’ve seen some weird things in my time, but that may have been the weirdest. Here’s all these grumpy looking adults in line, on break from work, and up pops this shirtless, pointy-eared little kid. I started looking around, thinking we were on some hidden camera TV show, but I realized he was the real deal.”

As substantiated by other eyewitnesses, it only took a few minutes before Bat Boy began to get antsy and upset. “He was pulling on his ears, jumping up and down, stamping his feet. He starts muttering to himself, real quiet like, and then got loud real quick,” said Latoya Williams. “Ooo, I’m getting goosebumps just thinking about it!”

Finally, Bat Boy flew into a rage, pouncing onto the nearby wall and climbing up to the ceiling. Shrieking his lungs out, he tore his paperwork to shreds and scattered it across the crowd before escaping through the ventilation system. He was later spotted stealing tax extension forms out of a law office’s open window.

What could Bat Boy possibly be reporting income on? Weekly World News believes it may be over residuals he received for the peak guano he discovered. But given the mutant’s attempts to help Henry Paulson save America’s economy, it is doubtful Bat Boy’s paperwork will be examined closely.

SENECA FALLS, W.VA – Bernard Madoff may be free on bail from fraud charges but Bat Boy has pledged to see him punished!

Bernard Madoff, chairman of an investment fund, was arrested by the FBI last Friday on criminal charges of securities fraud. It is believed that investors lost $50 billion due to his scheme, making it the largest investor fraud ever attributed to a single individual. And yet he is now walking the streets a free man, after posting his $10 million bail.

Bat Boy reportedly flew into a rage when he heard the news on his cave’s short-wave radio. It seems he has now made it his personal mission to bring Madoff to justice.

He was videotaped last night breaking into an army navy surplus store and stealing handcuffs and pepper spray. He also grabbed a woman’s wig and a fake moustache, presumably for two separate disguises.

Bat Boy left a piece of paper nailed to the local police station’s door explaining himself through drawings. Apparently he invested some of his profits from the special peak guano he found in his cave and is furious the money has now disappeared.

Madoff was so shaken by Bat Boy’s threats that he has approached the NYPD for protection. When a lieutenant showed him no pity, Madoff screamed, “Have you seen that freaky kid? Have you seen his teeth?! You have to help me!”

When queried about Bat Boy’s investment, Madoff smacked his forehead in frustration. “Oh god, you mean that box of [expletive] I got in the mail? I threw it out, I thought my six-year-old granddaughter sent it after I wouldn’t buy her a pony. Please, tell the bat kid I don’t have his money!”

Madoff began taunting policemen in the hopes of being locked up, but they kicked him to the curb. How long do you think it will be until Bat Boy finds him?

SENECA FALLS, W.VA – America’s favorite mutant was spotted in line this weekend to see the movie Milk. A West Virginia equal rights group invited the boy to help promote their message of equal rights for all, including mutants.

The atmosphere outside of West Virginia’s first showing of Milk was festive, like an Appalachian Mardi Gras.  People from throughout the state congregated outside the Seneca Falls 6 Movie Theater and Dry Cleaners, the largest theater in the state, to support the movie’s message of equal rights and tolerance.  Bat Boy was very excited for the opportunity to make friends.

Milk is a new movie about the life of Harvey Milk, the first openly gay elected official.  The West Virginia based equal rights group Appalachians Embracing Diversity sponsored the event, inviting members of the state’s LGBT and mutant communities.  Bat Boy soon seemed at home surrounded by people who didn’t hide being different.

The tragic drama starring Sean Penn may have been too much for the precocious boy’s attention span, as halfway through the showing Bat Boy was seen in the parking lot catching mosquitoes with two drag queens and a lizard man.

MARTINSBURG, WV – Bat Boy was spotted on a turkey farm celebrating Thanksgiving early.

Sam Collins, owner of Collins Turkeys, Inc. farm, was out early this morning getting the feed ready when he heard an odd noise out in the field. “It sounded like some kind of hoopla was going on,” Collins said.

Farmer Sam grabbed his rifle and hurried over, expecting to find a fox harrassing the birds. But he was in for a much bigger surprise.

“A little boy in jean shorts was out in the field all by his lonesome. When he heard me coming, he ran and leaned against a tree, acting real casual like. I might have believed him ‘cept he tried whistling and a bunch of turkey feathers came out of his mouth!”

Bat Boy experts believe the junior mutant had heard about Thanksgiving somewhere and tried to emulate it on his own. However, he did it up Bat Boy style and swallowed the live turkey whole, no stuffing or gravy required!

Farmer Sam explained, “Heck, I wasn’t even mad, I was impressed. Those turkeys are big! He saw my gun and took off running, but I just didn’t have the heart to shoot at him. Although I woulda liked his head for the mantle. Have you seen them ears?”

CHICAGO, IL – President-Elect Obama’s Transition team announced today that the First Family to be has made a very important decision. They have decided on what breed of pet to bring to the White House: a Bigfoot.

In fact, it is a tiny Bigfoot.  And to accommodate Malia’s allergies, this little big-guy is the first hypo-allergenic Sasquatch known to man.

In a press conference last week, President-Elect Obama announced that they would seek to find a hypo-allergenic breed of dog in a shelter, knowing it would be a near impossible feat.

Within hours of the announcement, volunteers from a West Virginia animal shelter, began contacting the Obama Transition team to notify them of a unique animal they had been rehabilitating in their facilities for weeks.

“Hikers found the Tiny Bigfoot, Albert, in the woods back in August,” shelter director, Susan Thomas told reporters.  “We ran all sorts of tests on him to identify his species and age, and one of the things we noticed was that he didn’t cause an allergic reaction in people who usually show signs resulting from dander or saliva.  He may not be a mutt, but he sure is a doll.”

The Tiny Bigfoot spent the weekend with the Obama family to insure Malia didn’t have any adverse reactions.  Spokesmen from the First-Lady-Elect’s office told reporters that the family took to Albert very quickly.  “He is already a great companion to the girls and is proving to be an excellent guard dog.  He doesn’t let them out of his sight.”

The President-Elect himself is reported to be very pleased with their choice and looks forward to increased relations between his administration and the cryptid community.

LOST WORLD CAVERNS, WV – Bat Boy has joined more than two million people in getting the new World of Warcraft expansion set.

“The Wrath of the Lich King” was released at midnight yesterday to the delight of millions of WoW fans. The expansion set is designed to give master players more to explore, including a new continent, equipment and spells.

Bat Boy is too young to work and earn his own money, so he was forced take a different approach. In a Game Stop parking lot, he leapt shrieking from the bushes at a 30-year old agoraphobe who dropped the game and passed out in fear.

Bat Boy now blissfully explores the vast expanses of Northrend with fellow dwarf friends Bilbong and Glugnus. His victim is currently unresponsive in a local psych ward, muttering repeatedly, “the ears… the ears…”

]]> http://weeklyworldnews.com/mutants/3832/bat-boy-steals-new-warcraft-game/feed/ 15 Dallas Commagreens batboywow http://weeklyworldnews.com/celebs/2825/bat-boy-hangs-with-david-blaine/ http://weeklyworldnews.com/celebs/2825/bat-boy-hangs-with-david-blaine/#comments Wed, 24 Sep 2008 09:25:23 +0000 Allie Pruitt http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/?p=2825 ]]>

NEW YORK, NY – Bat Boy visited David Blaine during his “Upside Down Man” stunt, where Blaine is hanging by his feet for 60 hours in Central Park.

Bat Boy didn’t seem to understand what all the hooplah was about, as he sleeps every day by hanging from the top of his cave in West Virginia.

To show his support, he brought a swarm of mosquitoes for Blaine to feast on for sustenance. Blaine thanked him but politely declined.