What were the top five celebrity stories Weekly World News uncovered this year?

#5. FATFOOT ON THE VIEW

The overweight Sasquatch appeared on The View to discuss its struggles with negative body image.

#4. BEAR GRYLLS’ INJURY FROM YETI FIGHT

Weekly World News discovered the truth behind Bear Grylls’ shoulder injury: a fight with a yeti over a dead seal!

#3. BATNEY SPEARS

America’s favorite mutant helped Britney Spears break free of her handlers and have fun again.

#2. AMY WINEHOUSE REVEALS ALL

Amy Winehouse not only went topless but beehive-less, revealing her true hair and turning witnesses to stone.

#1. SARAH PALIEN?

Governor Palin’s resemblance to the Alien revealed that she is in fact a Palien, originating from the planet Wazeela.

Racy photos have emerged of Sarah Palin posing with alien beer during her beauty queen days. A young Palin is clearly seen in an advertisement for Old Clandathuu’s Best lager.

Sarah Palin, beauty queen turned Vice Presidential hopeful, was crowned Miss Wasilla, Alaska in 1984.  Television coverage was broadcast from the event and picked up by aliens on the planet Wazeela.

Wazeelans, noticing for the similarity to their own planet’s name, were entranced by Palin, who won the contest easily after field dressing a moose for the talent portion.

Shortly after her win, Palin was approached by executives from Old Clandathuu’s Best for a brief advertising shoot.

Some are worried that the racy photos, featuring Palin in a swimsuit and tiara with a suggestively foaming beer bottle, could damage her folksy image or her credibility as a leader.  Sean Hannity decried these concerns as “sexist” continuing, “So what if she’s a babe?”

Given her renewed celebrity, one of Wazeela’s premier gentlemen’s magazines has offered Palin the chance to pose for a centerfold, should her election bid go south.

The McCain/Palin campaign has yet to comment officially on the issue. Palin’s relationship with Wazeela has been investigated before.

At a shocking press conference this morning, Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama announced that he has a half-man half-bat half-brother.

The boyish looking half brother of undetermined age had been living in a cave in the Karura Forest outside Nairobi, until he was recently discovered by Dr. Robert Ndesango of Kenyatta University. Dr. Ndesango, who had been researching in the cave, was at first startled by the unusual boy, who quickly introduced himself as Obatma. Soon enough, the boy was showing him his part of the cave and pictures he’d drawn on the walls.

Tests indicate that the boy mutant is indeed Barack Obama’s younger half brother; the two share a father but have different mothers.

It was during the “gap” in his official itinerary in Israel that Obama took a military helicopter to Kenya to clandestinely visit his kin. The McCain camp had obtained pictures of Obatma and had threatened to release them to the nation if Obama did not own up to the mutant.

Senator Obama stood proudly next to the brother he claims to have first met on a trip to Kenya during the late 1990’s. Michelle Obama declined to attend the announcement and said through a spokeswoman, “That boy is strange. He will not be coming near my house or my kids.”

When asked how Obama’s half brother came to be a half-bat mutant, Obama said it was “a family matter that should remain private.”

Critics question if having a mutant brother could hurt him in the election. Obama replied “There is no greater bond than that of family. Turning my back on him would be like cutting off a limb. From the volcanoes of Hawaii, through the cornfields of Kansas and on to the caves of Kenya, I have lived the American dream and my unique diversity is what truly allows me to be so audacious in my hope.

“Obatma shares my DNA and will be uniquely qualified to understand some of the difficult issues facing mutants in this country and around the world.”

Will Bat Boy, the most famous mutant of them all, now come out and endorse Obama?

Senator McCain could not be reached for comment, but sources say he was glad that the intense discussion of Obatma now sweeping the nation would lessen the focus on whether his running mate, Governor Palin, may actually be a Palien hailing from a small planet east of the sun known as Wazeela.