WASHINGTON – President Barack Obama said The U.S. Constitution is out-of-date, so he is ripping it up and writing a new one.

WASHINGTON, DC – Budget crisis causes U.S. to turn to the alien, P’Lod, for financial aid.

WASHINGTON – U.S. Army is now allowing minors to serve in the military in preparation for a war with Libya.

WASHINGTON – A phenomenon known as natural decrease is becoming a pseudo pandemic within the U.S.

SEATTLE, WA – A dead cow washes ashore with the Mark of the Alien

PORTLAND, OR – Festivities ramp up for the 5th Annual National Soup Swap Day.

Bella may prefer Edward to Jacob, but when it comes to Kristen Stewart, she’s Team Alien all the way.

WASHINGTON, DC – The growing threat of global pandemic resulting from Swine Flu has health organizations worldwide searching for an origin.

HAVANA, CUBA – Fidel Castro met with US lawmakers for the first time in years this Tuesday. Political expert the Alien was on hand to assist with the talks.

I’m madder than a spitting camel at our new Communist-in-Chief!