NEW YORK, NY – One of the universe’s most heinous villains opened Wall Street today!

NEW YORK – Wall Street executive Robert Rubin has successfully sued himself for $8 million.

UPDATE: John Thain’s push for $10 million bonus is possibly orchestrated by aliens!

“The presidential candidates were right: Main Street IS more important than Wall Street. So I woke up this morning and decided to officially change the name Wall Street to Main Street.”