CHICAGO – Every state is reporting massive voter fraud in today’s midterm elections.

Election officials in every state are reporting increased voter fraud – both in the ballots already cast and with the voting machines that are being used today.

Nevada is a state that seems to be completely unraveling on election day.  “Harry Reid’s name is already checked on over half of the machines that have been sent to polling places,” said Las Vegas reporter Greg Hartman.   “Early ballots have been cast from over 10,000 dead people and many union members have voted twice already.  It’s out of control!”

Attorney General, Eric Holder, does not seemed concerned about Nevada, or any of the other blue states.  “We are going to put together a task force in December to look into whether or not we should investigate the reports of voter fraud.  We hope to have a decision about this matter by January of 2012.”

Meanwhile, both parties seem to be “getting out the voter fraud” for today’s election.  Here are some reports from the states:

ALASKA:   Lisa Murkowski and her campaign staff spent the weekend filing out over 20,000 write-in ballots to hand out to voters BEFORE they go into the voting booth.  Murkowski’s brother-in-law, Todd Bench, is the leader of the union that will be in charge of moving voting machines around the state.   Republican senate candidate, Joe Miller, is not happy.

WASHINGTON -  State officials are going to allow Canadian citizens to cross the border – as long as they vote for incumbent Patty Murray (D) for Senate.

CALIFORNIA – Illegal aliens from every country will be allowed to vote.  There are reports that large numbers of foreign nationals are flying into LAX today so that they can vote for Jerry Brown, who has promised to put California up for sale to the highest bidder.  Brown wants to finalize the sale of California to China.

NEW YORK -  District Attorney Andrew Cuomo has hired several Brooklyn “families” to monitor the polling stations across the state.  “Mr. Cuomo is concerned that people might make the mistake of voting for Carl Paladino, who is clearly mentally deficient.  He intends to make sure that voters make the right choice,” said Cuomo campaign spokesman, Tom Hillstrom.

DELAWARE – Chris Coons is having his campaign staff hand out naked pictures of Christine O’Donnell, pictures that he obtained from an anonymous 25-year-old Philadelphian.

TENNESSEE  – Tea Party activists plan on blocking the polling places and stepping on anyone’s head who tries to get past them and vote for a Democrat.

WEST VIRGINIA -  A new law requires that shots of alcohol “must be ” consumed BEFORE a voter enters the booth.

MASSACHUSETTS -  The Service Employees International Union will be sending several busloads of workers to Barney Frank’s district to make sure that the voting machines are working properly.

FLORIDA – President Bill Clinton is going to be working with Governor Charlie Crist to ensure that all the ballots in Florida are counted correctly.   President Clinton will be examining many of the ballots, and hanging chads, personally.

COLORADO – Dead people are allowed to vote in Denver.

ILLINOIS – Mayor Daley and Rahm Emanuel have authorized the Illinois Board of Elections to turn over all control of all the voting machines to Mayor Daley and Rahm Emanuel.   Emanuel said, “there’s an important mayoral race coming up in the next few months and we want to make sure all these machines are working properly.”

OHIO – The Election has been canceled tomorrow.   Governor Strickland has been declared the winner.

That’s just a sampling… more to come tomorrow!!

LAS VEGAS – Early voting has assured victory for Harry Reid in next week’s midterm elections.

Election workers in Nevada, primarily members of the Service Employees International Union, have been counting the early votes and have announced that Harry Reid has defeated Sharron Angle to keep his seat in the Senate.  They have certified his victory.  It’s official.

This year has seen a large percentage of voters going to the polls early in Nevada.  In 2008, 571,000 Nevadans voted in the election.  This year, SEIU, reports that 300,000 voters in Nevada have voted early and that 58% of those votes have been for Harry Reid.   This makes it virtually impossible for Sharron Angle to overcome Reid’s lead next week.

There have been numerous voter fraud reports in the last week coming out of Nevada.  In particular, a number of early votes said that when they went into the voting machine Harry Reid’s name was already checked and they couldn’t change it.

“Nonsense,” said Sal Gravado of SEIU.  “We’ve checked and re-checked those machines. They are working fine.”

There were also reports that there were over 50,000 votes from illegal immigrants, many of whom don’t even live in Nevada.  “We can’t disenfranchise illegal immigrants. They have the same rights as all Americans, and we want them to vote,” said a representative for Harry Reid.

Nevada election officials are considering cancelling next week’s election.  “We might not need the “late voters” to vote at all.  Senator Reid is a shoo-in, it’s best if he go back to work and get busy fundamentally changing our country,” said Reid aide William Workman.

President Obama flew to Nevada last night for the a victory party for Harry Reid:

“All the pundits were predicting that Harry was going to lose, but I knew he would win, and I made sure it happened,” said President Obama to a massive crowd of SEIU workers.  “Now, we just gotta get the Republicans to sit quietly in the back of the car, put them in a baby seat and shove  bottles of pablum in their mouths.  I’m going to drive this country and I don’t need any more whining from the babies in the back.”

Republicans were furious that Nevada election officials already certified Reid as the winner.   “If they keep this up, I’m going to throw them out of the car,” said Obama.  “And then when they’re out of the car, I’m going to run them over – several times.  This is MY car.”

Harry Reid was happy to be declared the winner.  “It just goes to show you that we know how to get things done in Nevada.   Las Vegas has a long history of getting things done the right way… and they did it again.

Senator Harry Reid – back for another six years.

NORTH CAROLINA -  Colleges across America are telling their students:  Vote Democrat or be expelled.

News broke today that students at staff at Winston-Salem State University in North Carolina received official emails from the University encouraging them to vote Democratic in this November’s midterm elections.  But students at the University also received a follow-up email that told students that if they did NOT vote democrat they would be expelled.

How would they know?

“The university expects the votes counted on polling stations on the university campus to be 100% for democratic candidates.  If there are any Republican votes, we will find out who those students were who voted the wrong way and those students will be expelled.”

This is the first blatant case of Voter Intimidation in modern history.   The Justice Department was swift to respond to these allegations.  “We are going to start a committee to look into whether we should open an investigation into the matter.  We hope to have this resolved by 2013.”

Meanwhile, reports have come in from colleges across America that university presidents have formed a pact to ensure that all college students in America vote Democrat.  “We decided that it is the best interests of our young people that they all vote for Democratic candidates.  The Tea Party has had a negative effect on Democratic policies and we want to give the Democrats a little help in keeping “sanity” in our country,” said  Brown president Gregory Hayes.

Republicans are outraged.  “We’ve long known that colleges were indoctrinating our students,” said RNC Chairman Michael Steele.  “But now they are crossing the line and committing voter fraud.”

“Typical Republicans.  Always whining about something,”  said Howard Dean, former Chairman of the DNC.  “Colleges are advanced institutions of learning.  They students are free to choose.   They can either pursue their degree or go out into the job force and try to get work.  It’s all about freedom.”

President Obama weighed in on the issue:  “We have to strike back at the Empire striking back.  And if college presidents want to set up a policy to help their students become better citizens, then I’m all for it.”

The New Black Panther Party has volunteered to help colleges across the country enforce the “Vote Democrat or Be Expelled” policy.

And you thought it was going to be a Republican landslide??

NEW YORK, NY – Macy’s 150th annual Thanksgiving Day Parade drew thousands to New York City yesterday including one unwelcome guest, Manigator.

As members of the Betty Page High School marching band of Amarillo, Texas passed by 58th street, the trumpet section was accosted by a half-man half-alligator coming out of a sewer drain.  At 9:13 am Manigator was clearly drunk, and screaming about the noise upsetting his headache. 

The parade was stalled for seven minutes while police corralled the drunken mutant back into a storm drain. 

Later in the morning the world famous Rockettes took to the main stage on 34th street in preparation for their live televised performance.  Shortly after beginning their signature kickline, Manigator appeared seemingly from nowhere disrupting the routine. 

Spilling a can of cheap beer and slurring his speech, Manigator made passes at several of the “Pretty Ladies!” who scattered from the inebriated mutant.  Cameras deftly avoided the fiasco, filming only the performers who were able to continue the routine.  Eventually one of the disgruntled dancers, angry at losing her face time on nation television, high kicked the lurid hybrid back to the sewer, receiving much applause from the crowd.

No injuries were reported from the incident.  Manigator is wanted by police for disturbing the peace and attempted voter fraud in south Florida.