McLEAN, VA. – A Virginia woman was arrested for breastfeeding her one-month old son near the home of the G.O.P. Presidential hopeful.

After speculation that Callista Gingrich made the 911 call to report the breastfeeding woman, the former Speaker’s wife explained her reasoning at a news conference. “Yes, I made the call. I spoke up on behalf of my family and Newt’s campaign. We support the McLean Police Department’s aggressive stance on public indecency and the decision to arrest Ms. Valentine. This is a family neighborhood filled with hard-working American people. We stand together as a community. We will not allow people like this to infiltrate. We are trying to rebuild the America we love, and there is no room for obscenity.”

First-time mother Sherry Valentine was charged with indecent exposure and child endangerment for allegedly pulling over to feed her son. Valentine claims she couldn’t calm the baby because she was driving. She stopped the car on what she called “a quiet street” and sat on a seat in a park gazebo, just a few blocks from the Gingrich home.

Ms. Gingrich happened upon the scene as she returned from a campaign event celebrating her husband’s South Carolina primary victory. It is unclear where Valentine and her newborn live, but neighborhood association sources confirm, “they’re not from around here. “

When answering questions from reporters, Gingrich continued, “It’s inappropriate, really. People need to take care of these situations in private. Some secrets should remain behind closed doors.”

NEW ORLEANS, LA -  A leading psychologist  wants to prove whether Santa Claus really exists by not buying presents for their kids this year!

Dr. Joseph Pernell says we “will never know if Santa is real or a hoax unless we stop delivering toys for him and see if he picks up the slack.

“People think I’m joking but I’m as serious as I can be,” continued the expert.

“As a longtime student of Christmas legend and lore, I have always been fascinated by St. Nicholas.  And though intellectually I’m not convinced, in my heart I know he exists.  I believe in Santa Claus.”

“I know as well as you do that he’s not some elf living at the North Pole. But in my heart of hearts, I still believe that has the power to reward the innocence of childhood and make miracles happen.

“Crazy? Romantic? Maybe I am. But if we don’t try something like this, if we don’t put a stop to this mindless commercialization of Christmas, we’ll never know the truth.

“This is the year we can pull together and celebrate a Christmas like no other. If children find toys under the tree, we’ll know Santa is real.

“If they don’t, we’ll know Santa is the figment of our collective imagination and a symbol of the way we would like things to be.

“I urge every parent to join this crusade,” he added. “We all can play a role in this historic crusade.”

If Dr. Pernell’s Christmas sentiments are fanciful, his search for the truth about Santa Claus is not.

By urging parents to withhold presents from their children, he is setting the stage for unimaginable heartbreak when – and if – the little ones wake up on Christmas morning and find empty stockings.

The potential economic impact is even more frightening, considering the terrible recession America is still going through.

Without Christmas sales, toy manufacturers and retailers would be in dire straits, industry analysts agree.

“The crusade has an upside and a downside, too,” admitted Dr. Pernell, who’s promoting his crusade through interviews and on talk radio.

“Regardless of what happens on Christmas morning, the truth about Santa Claus will pay dividends for years to come.”

Do you think Santa Claus is real?

NEW YORK CITY – An earthquake hit Manhattan this afternoon.  Donald Trump’s hair didn’t move.

An earthquake hit Virginia, but major tremors were felt all the way up in Manhattan.  Screaming New  Yorkers ran out of buildings into the streets= many of them were naked.

“We’re on the 11th Floor and I felt the building sway back and forth.  We grabbed our Bat Boy bobbleheads and headed for Union Square Park,”  tax attorney and ventriloquist,  Chas Collins,  told WWN.  “We sang campfire songs and smoked pot.  But I was still shaking.”

Frightened New Yorkers were seen running across 42nd Street, heading for the Hudson River.  “New Yorkers have been told for years that if there ever was an earthquake,  they should run over to the Hudson River, jump in and swim for Hoboken.  So, a lot of New Yorkers were doing just that.  And Hoboken was ready – with water guns.”

The quake’s epicenter was in Mineral, Virginia, southwest of DC, in the middle of Virginia. The magnitude was 5.9 -upgraded from an initial reading of 5.8.

In DC, Federal authorities were quick to apprehend the earthquake:

Apparently there were tremors felt as far away as Martha’s Vineyard, Detroit and parts of Ohio. That’s a really wide area of impact for a relatively small quake.  Study this map and memorize it.  It will help you when the next earthquake hits.

The stock market dipped when the earthquake hit, but the Dow ended up.  Gold was also up, but real estate fell another 10%.

Donald Trump panicked that his hair might go out of place from the shaking.  But, thank God, Trump’s hair didn’t move.

Here is Trump’s hair before the quake:

And here is Trump’s hair after the quake:

The earthquake also hit Martha’s Vineyard where President Obama was playing golf.  “Yes, The President felt it and he was extremely annoyed -  the quake made him miss his putt!” said White House Spokesman, Jay Carney.

Back in New York,  the NYPD checked buildings making sure people were evacuated and they arrested looters and clown.  “Earthquakes always bring out the clowns,” said NYPD Police Officer Neil Gondra.  The damage in New York was minimal.   “We got lucky this time,” said Mayor Bloomberg.  “I take credit for that.”

Tragedy avoided in Manhattan.  We won’t be seeing this:

BOSTON – The same UFO that was seen over Virginia two days ago was seen over Boston last night!

People all across Boston were shocked to see a Blue UFO in the sky last night.  It first appeared at 1:30 a.m., and was sighted off-and-on for the next two hours.  The UFO seemed to change in size, but the circular shape remained the same

The same exact UFO was spotted over Centerville, Virginia on Monday.  Local authorities dismissed the sighting (as they always do) and said that there was a logical explanation for it – though they did not offer one.

They were quick to say that they do not think it is the same UFO that was spotted in Virginia, but UFO experts are convinced that this is part of a larger alien battalion of UFOs.

The Defense Department and Homeland Security confirmed to WWN that the UFO was spotted over Boston, but declined to make any further comments.  UFO experts are Harvard aren’t holding back, “That was definitely a UFO.  We think it is part of the alien invasion that has been predicted to take place in 2010 and 2011.  We must all prepare,” said Professor David Collins a Harvard astrophysicist.

“I woke my whole family up,” said Paul Costello of South Boston.  “I couldn’t believe me eyes, but it was there.  My children my scared, especially because they heard a high-pitched sound.  I didn’t hear it, but… we are scared to death.”

Costello said that though they were frightened for a couple of hours, he thought that the alien spaceship looked beautiful.  “We couldn’t take our eyes off it.

In the last month there have been UFOs spotted in New York, El Paso, Virginia, Boston, Sante Fe and Chicago.  Is there an explanation for the increased number of sightings?  Is something under way that we don’t know about?  Where will the next UFO be seen?

The mainstream media is not reporting most of these sightings and the government, once again, is covering up.  But WWN is on it.  We will keep you updated.

CENTERVILLE, VA -  A blue UFO was confirmed over Virginia last night!

A large number of people in Centreville are talking about a bright blue light spotted moving in the sky Wednesday night. But no one had an explanation for this unidentified flying object last night, but today the Janet Napolitano, Secretary of Homeland Security said this:

“It was a UFO.  Our agents confirmed it this morning.”

UFO experts around the country carefully examined the photos this morning.  “I’d say the UFO is from Planet Zeeba, which is a planet in The Tadpole Galaxy.  They are known to fly nothing but blue spaceships.”

It was in the night sky just above Lee Highway when shoppers looked up and saw something weird in Centreville and it was all of it caught on camera.

“All of a sudden, it would stop and go back like this,” said Bryan Fains, using his finger to point out the direction of the blue light in the sky. “At one point, it stopped and went up and up.

Fains quickly grabbed his phone, turned on the camera and recorded the erratic blue light in the night sky. It flew around for about 10 minutes. 

“There]was no sound. It was a distinct blue light. It never flashed or blinked or nothing. It was just blue,” said Fains. “It’s weird. You only see this type of stuff in movies. Just as long as we’re here, I’m sure there are other things somewhere.

Fains has not seen it since. Only just the occasional airplane from Dulles Airport. He is all too familiar with those flying objects and their loud sounds. Fains says this one had no sound. The apparent UFO sighting has him baffled.

Some in the government are once again trying to cover this UFO sighting up.  They are spreading disinformation.  Even Janet Napolitano is backtracking a little bit now… but it’s a fact.  There WAS a UFO over Virginia last night.

newsreport:

full video:

NORFOLK, VA – A federal judge is attempting to preserve the largest collection of artifacts excavated from the Titanic remains, and one key person is on her side.

An Atlanta company called RMS Titanic, Inc. gathered 5,900 artifacts during six dives down to the wreckage. Previous courts have already decided that while the company has exclusive right of salvage to the ship, they do not get to own any of the items found.

U.S. District Judge Rebecca Beach Smith is expected to rule that the artifacts must be kept together and accessible to the public, effectively eliminating any possibility of them showing up on auction.

It is rumored that Judge Smith was heavily swayed by the testimony of Captain E.J. Smith, the captain of the original Titanic who was discovered back in 1991. As long-time Weekly World News readers may recall, Captain Smith was found sitting in a lifeboat smoking an old pipe about 242 miles southwest of Iceland. He appeared to have not aged a day!

Captain Smith was soon whisked to Oslo to have his identity confirmed, and to be tested and cared for. He never accepted any interview requests, and soon faded into obscurity in the Norwegian countryside. However, it seems Captain Smith has finally emerged to honor and defend the 1,521 people who died in the Titanic disaster.

A court attendee explained, “I think he is trying to atone for what happened to the ship. As captain, he was in charge of thousands of lives and he let them down. By some miracle, he is alive here and now. What else could it be except God’s intervention?”

To read more about Captain Smith’s incredible story, click here.

SMITHDALE, VA – Since their defeat on Election Day, Republicans have questioned what will be the new direction of their party.

The party has been divided since John McCain’s defeat, searching for a figurehead to lead the charge against the democratic majority in Washington.

Karl Rove held a conference in his mountaintop castle to summon the next great conservative leader.

Rove, who acted as President Bush’s top advisor for years, has been communing with the dead and making deals with dark forces in his search for ways to secure Republican power.

A breakthrough was made on Tuesday and the political commentator sent notes attached to the legs of ravens requesting the presence of top conservatives.

Under Wednesday’s full moon, heads of the Republican Party gathered in a dark ritual to summon their next leader.

A séance was held with Pro-Life leaders and Focus on the Family members seated around the bones of Joseph McCarthy. Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh used a Ouija board to contact the spirit of Ronald Reagan. Copies of the Drudge Report were smeared with chicken’s blood and read backwards. Newt Gingrich attended via telecom. A dozen Young Republican virgins were sacrificed so Ann Coulter could bathe in their blood. At the stroke of midnight, Dick Cheney shot a man in the face, culminating the séance and hopefully opening a portal to summon the next great conservative leader.

The ritual failed, however, due to John Ashcroft substituting ketchup when they had run out of chicken’s blood.

It is believed Republicans will repeat this and other rituals until they find their parties next leader.

Current President Bush spent Wednesday evening at home playing Xbox.

]]> http://weeklyworldnews.com/topstory/3826/gop-gathers-to-summon-next-leader/feed/ 0 Reginald Cunningham III conservativeseance http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/3229/bat-boy-registers-to-vote-in-48-states/ http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/3229/bat-boy-registers-to-vote-in-48-states/#comments Thu, 09 Oct 2008 15:37:52 +0000 Michael Jastroch http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/?p=3229 ]]>

AUSTIN, TX – On the campus of the University of Texas yesterday afternoon, Bat Boy registered to vote in the Lone Star State.

This marked the forty-eighth state in which the half-bat, half-boy national icon successfully registered to help the nation decide the next US President.  Weekly World News sources confirmed that he will attempt to register in Virginia and Washington, D.C. before November’s election.

Getting wind of the incredible feat of voter fraud, several watchdog groups have so far filed lawsuits in 37 states.  When confronted with the issue, Federal Election Commission Chairman Donald McGahn said, “Sure it’s a travesty of justice, but, well, it’s Bat Boy.  He’s an American institution.”

Conservatives are speculating that Senator Barack Obama used his ties to the space alien who endorsed him to assist in Bat Boy’s multi-state registration. It is widely believed that Obama’s recent revelation of his mutant half-brother Obatma that swayed Bat Boy’s decision to vote Democratic.