Today Ben & Jerry’s announced their newest ice cream flavor—Schweddy Balls, an homage to Saturday Night Live.

It’s vanilla ice cream with a hint of rum and a huge scoop of Baldwin.

The name comes from a skit featuring regular host Alec Baldwin, Molly Shannon and Ana Gasteyer. Baldwin plays Pete Schweddy, owner of a holiday bakery called Season’s Eatings. Shannon and Gasteyer play NPR radio hosts interviewing him for a culinary show. And the central joke of the bit goes like this:

“There are lots of great treats this time of year,” Schweddy says. “Zucchini bread. Fruitcake. But the thing I most like to bring out at this time of the year are my balls.”

He then explains that he sells popcorn balls, cheese balls, rum balls—balls for every taste—and the ball puns proceed, to the great joy of the crowd, for about four minutes. (Ben & Jerry’s chose to go with fudge-covered rum and malt balls for their flavor.) The skit culminates in Baldwin stating that “No one can resist my Schweddy Balls.” Hence, the lore that led to the ice cream.

Are they toeing a line with the title? “The name is irreverent,” says Ben & Jerry’s spokesman Sean Greenwood. “But we’ve always been about having some irreverence and having some fun … We’re not trying to offend people. Our fans get the humor.” The release of Schweddy Balls follows Jimmy Fallon’s Late Night Snack, a flavor they released earlier this year. Other celebrity-related treats include Stephen Colbert’s Americone Dream and, of course, Cherry Garcia.

Ben & Jerry’s has released controversial ice creams, like a special edition of Chubby Hubby called Hubby Hubby, which celebrated gay marriage. Still, it seems safe to say this is—and probably will remain—their ballsiest flavor of all time.

The ice cream is being released in a limited batch, which means it will be distributed nation-wide but only for three or four months. If it proves popular, another batch might be forthcoming.

Alec Baldwin, who will be hosting this year’s season premiere on Sept. 24, had this to say via a press release from Ben & Jerry’s: “For a long time, I thought that ‘Here Lies Pete Schweddy’ would end up on my tombstone. Now, thanks to Ben & Jerry’s, the goodness of the Schweddy family recipe won’t go with me to the great beyond. It is immortalized here, right now, and it’s an ice cream. Ben & Jerry’s and Schweddy. Two great names in American dessert, together at last.”

Ana Gasteyer also chimed in: “As a person and a performer, I am a sucker for holiday balls. And I have no doubt this ice cream will cause many to scream ‘Good Times.”

Katy Steinmetz
Time

RUTLAND, VT. —  13 Vermont town are suffering from Hurricane Irene.  It turns out that the number 13 is Irene’s favorite.

13 Vermont towns have been hit the hardest from Hurricane Irene.  And, in total, 13 states  were hit.  Some psychics say that this is an omen for 2012.  FEMA experts also feel that the number 13 is more than a coincidence.

Federal and state environmental teams investigated the extent of health risks related to damaged sewage and water treatment plants in 13 Vermont towns where flash flooding has left thousands of people without electricity or potable water since Sunday.

Engineers from the federal Environmental Protection Agency and the state’s Department of Environmental Conservation visited several areas that had been cut off to assess the hazards, officials said. The teams were trying to determine the extent of damage to sewage and water plants in 13 towns, including chemical and other hazardous material spills and leaks, said Justin Johnson, deputy commissioner of the environmental department.

Three days after remnants of the tropical storm that began as Hurricane Irene spawned torrential downpours in areas rarely bothered by flooding, access in and around much of southern Vermont remained so difficult that officials were unsure how many facilities had been contaminated because they had been unable to send out inspectors until Wednesday.

“We have 13 towns on ‘boil water’ notice, where we know there has been some level of damage, but we don’t have an exact count right now,” Mr. Johnson said, adding that he expected the number to grow.

The Vermont National Guard continued to airlift supplies to residents in 13 towns stranded by washed out roadways, damaged bridges, fallen trees and mud. A helicopter from the Illinois National Guard joined the relief effort on Wednesday, helping distribute supplies, said a spokesman for Vermont Emergency Management.

Psychics say that Edgar Cayce predicted a major cataclysm that revolved around the number 13.  They also say that the frequency of the number 13 in connection with Hurricane Irene does not bode well for 2012.

“This omen matches our predictions for 2012 – and may mean the end of the world,” said psychic Chloe Wandleman.  “People need to follow their intuition over the next year – be careful of other omens.  There may be opportunities to save yourself.

Town in Vermont affected:

Rochester
Rutland
Brattleboro
Pittsfield
Pittsford
Shrewsbury
Chittenden
Hubbarton
Sudbury
Wallingford
Granville
Bridgewater
Woodstock

Other interesting Hurricane Irene facts:

In New Jersey, the Passaic River set a new record when it reached its crest 13 feet above normal – leaving 13 towns under water.

Nearly 1.9 million people – across 13 states – still have no electric power.

It is 13 week, exactly,  from the day when Hurricane Irene hit – to first day of winter.

Hmmm…

VERMONT -  Hurricane Irene washed away the Bartonsvile Bridge.

The Bartonsville Bridge in Bartonsville, VT is a historic piece of architecture. It was built in 1871 and was one of the longest town lattice bridges in Vermont. We say “was” because over the weekend, flooding due to Hurricane Irene wiped it out.

Here’s a shot at what the inside used look like:

Watch the bridge collapse:

ROCHESTER, VT – Two teachers were fired for outrageous actions during a sixth-grade sex-education class.

Two attractive young teachers were fired because they acted in a “wildly inappropriate” manner during  a sex-education class.  They stripped in front of a roomful of sixth-graders.

“I couldn’t believe it!” said Ana Diaz, the Principal of The Benjamin Franklin School. “These teachers got naked in front of the entire class.  I am livid. This is outrageous!”

Testimony at a hastily called school board meeting revealed teachers Maria Calabressi Resoldi, 29, and Ashley Barbosa, 24, stripped naked in front of the wide-eyed kids.

The teachers were explaining breasts and female reproductive organs to the children when both removed their blouses, brassieres and panties -  a shocked student told the school board.

Barbosa told WWN, “the best way for children to learn about the female anatomy is to look at it first hand.  Why use PowerPoint or photographs when children can look directly at my breasts and nipples?”

“It wasn’t just the breasts. These women showed the children – everything!” said outraged parent, Dominick Chadrini.  “They should be sent to jail immediately. They are pedophiles!”

 Not all parents in Rochester objected.  “I think it’s fine.  Children are going to see all of it sooner or later.  They might as well learn about private parts from a teacher.  I’m happy my son knows what a clitoris is,” said sixth-grade Mother, Margaret Sandmarsi.

There was a lot of screaming and yelling at the school board meeting, but when the meeting adjourned the teachers were fired.

The NEA is fighting to keep the teachers on the job.  “They did nothing wrong. This wasn’t a history class, it was Sex-Ed and teachers should be allowed to use whatever teacher aides they think appropriate – even if it means using their own bodies,” said NEA representative Holly Jangigian.

WWN will keep readers updated on the appeal.

WASHINGTON – US forced to sell Alaska in order to combat with the rising national debt.

The US has just announced that the national debt has reached an all time high, topping $14 trillion dollars, that’s approximately $45,300 for every person in the US. The national debt is a result of the US accumulating years upon years of financial obligations dating as far back as the days of George Washington. But since 2005 alone, the debt has nearly doubled.

In order to combat the continued rising debt, Congress has been put in the hot seat, being forced to make difficult decisions. It is faced with a few potential options. One, Congress can lift the legal debt limit to create a higher credit limit for the country; Two, dramatically cut spending to keep the government on track and prevent the debt from growing further; or Three, sell government owned properties.

After an intense debate on Capitol Hill, Congress decided to go with option number three and sell Alaska back to Russia. The US purchased Alaska from the Russian Empire back in 1867 for the now bargain rate of $7.2 million dollars.

Original Check from US purchase of Alaska

“The Russians offered to write us a personal check, but that was unacceptable to the terms of the deal,” said Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner, “This is a COD kind of deal.”

The US stands to turn a hefty profit with the new sale price of $2.85 trillion.  This sale will dramatically reduce the debt, buying the US precious time to rework the budget and find a way to keep the rising debt at bay.

“We initially thought that leasing the state back to the Russians would be an option but we soon discovered that the cost to administer the lease would actually cause us to go further into debt,” explained Sen. Lisa Murkoski R-AK, “That is why we opted to sell it instead. We tried to sell Puerto Rico too but no one wanted it. We had several open houses but no bites, not a one.”

This decision has not been met without extreme outrage by the American public, especially by the citizens of Alaska.

“Just because Sara Palin is from Alaska does not mean that we should be treated like a second class state that can just be sold off on a whim,” said local Alaskan business owner, Bill Kumberlan, “this sale is going to make my life a nightmare, no one on my staff speaks Russian.”

It is unclear what other drastic measures Congress may need to take in order to deal with America’s enormous debt. But if Canada wants to make an offer on Vermont, we will gladly take it.  They’ve always wanted to succeed anyway.

BURLINGTON, VT – Over the holidays, Matt Dillon was arrested for driving 106mph in rural Vermont.  His reason for doing so: “Manigator made me do it.”

According to police reports Matt Dillon claims that he met Manigator in a dive in New York City and the two hit it off.  After several hours, Dillon agreed to give the half-man half-alligator a ride.

Shortly after beginning their trip, Manigator began taunting Dillon for the way he drove, encouraging to him to go faster and faster.

“Partly I wanted to shut him up, but mostly I just wanted to get to Maine faster so I could drop him off and be rid of him.”

As soon as the police arrived, according to Dillon, Manigator began to panic and leapt out the window before the car had even come to a complete stop.  Police did not see the cryptid, only the dozens of cheep beer cans he left scattered in the floorboard.  Dillon said “Come on, I don’t drink that crap!  I’m Matt Dillon!”

He then began to shout about a half-man half-alligator with a drinking problem, so police brought him in for questioning and several drug tests.

Dillon is currently being charged with excessive speeding and authorities are on the lookout for Manigator.  No one is sure why he may be going to Maine, but all nursing homes in the state have been placed on high alert.