According to records kept in Vatican City, more souls were sold to the devil in 2011, than any year since 1933.

Maybe it’s the tough financial times, maybe it’s the fact that more and more people are distancing themselves from organized religion or maybe more people than ever are willing to try anything to get what the want – but more people have “sold their souls” to the devil in 2011 than in any year going back to 1933.

How in the world can you track souls being sold?

Good question.  And one that we asked officials at the Vatican, who keep records of the devils “doings.”    WWN reporter, Foxington Delaware, went to the Vatican and spoke with Cardinal Bonfiori who told her that within the Vatican is a special room that tracks the Devil and his misdeeds and several priests sit there all day in psychic divine meditation and record the deals that are made.

Sound a bit farfetched?  We thought so, too.  But Foxington Delaware went into the “Devil Monitoring Chamber” and witnessed first-hand the Catholic monks who monitor the devil.  They do not speak – not to others, not to themselves. They just sit in a room and “channel” the devil’s henchmen and write down names, place, dates… deals.

“God knows all,” Cardinal Bonfiori told Foxington, “and our priests are trained to tap into the mind of God in this small, yet important way.”

A Vatican exorcist told WWN that people have been making pacts wit the Devil for centuries, but they always end in disaster.

“I knew a very attractive woman who couldn’t break into the world of cinema.”  Father Pellegrino Ernetti said. “She made  a pact with the Devil and immediately after was chosen as the star of a movie.

“The actress went on getting leading roles and became a stra in Italy. But the lifestyle led her to drugs and now as a heroin addict she is tootally under the control of the Devil.

“She asked me to h lep her break this pact, but became frighted of the possibility that without the support of Satan she would return to the miserable anonymity she lived before.”

Father Ernetti has been studying Devil pacts for 30 ears.  ”And I’ve spoken to priest in virtually every country who report these deals with Satan to the Vatican.  He recently published his finding in the Catholic weekly magazine Famiglia Cristiana.

In one of the most shocking cases last year, a man trapped in a satanic deal discovered the strength to break away from the demon’s clutches.

“A young French boxer made the pact after a disappointing career,” said Father Ernetti.  ”He began winning fights and was rising quickly to the top when he realized his opponents didn’t recover after the bouts, remaining disabled and handicapped for the rest of their lives.

“He found the courage to come to me for help. Afer a long and difficult series of exorcisms, I was able to rid him of the Devil.

“Now he is leading a happy, normal life working as a garage mechanic in Paris.”

The Vatican estimates that over 4 million people sold their souls to the devil in 2011, which was  up from 2.5 million in 2010.  The average before The Great Recession was 1 million a year.   The highest year on record, since the Vatican began keeping records was 6 million in 1933, the worst year of the Great Depression.

Is the Vatican making any of their own deals on souls?

They’re not saying…

But Foxington did get some names of some prominent Americans who sold their souls in 2011:

– Bill Maher

– Lindsay Lohan

– Herman Cain

– Courtney Stodden

–  Casey Anthony

– Kim Kardashian

– Charlie Sheen

– Nicki Minaj

Can you think of any others that probably sold their souls?

VATICAN CITY – Pope Benedict XVI announced that he will attend the Denver Broncos playoff game against the New England Patriots.  

In an announcement that shocked Christians around the world, the Pope reportedly will travel to Foxborough, MA on Saturday to watch Tim Tebow play football.  A WWN source inside the Vatican said, “The Pope feels that Tim Tebow may be an angel sent to this earth and he wants to meet him in person  - and bless him.”

This will be the first time in the history of the Catholic Church that a sitting Pope will attend a major U.S. sporting event.  ”Pope Benedict feels that  humans are living through a very difficult time and that the Lord will send signs of peace, love and understanding to help us through these times.  The Pope believes that Tim Tebow may be a light sent from God, here to help heal the world.”

The New England  Patriots will not be intimidated by the Pope’s presence at the game.  ”Look, it’s a football game,” a source close to Patriots coach Bill Belichick said.  ”They have Tebow and the  Pope.  We have Tom Brady.   And it’s the playoffs… I think our chances are better in the game.”

Not so fast, Bill.  ”The Pope does not plan to attend his first American football game and watch the team he is rooting for lose,” said an American Cardinal that will be traveling with the Pope.  ”The Pope is predicting a 42-0 victory for the Denver Broncos.  He’s guaranteeing it.”

Tim Tebow has been called the “Mile High Messiah” for his miracles on the football field and his “wise and holy” attitude off the football.   Many across the country have started “tebowing” – kneeling on the ground with head bowed.  The Pope has even started tebowing…

Many believers in Vatican City feel that Tebow  - even though he is not Catholic – might be named the next Pope.   Pope Timothy?  Pope Tebow?  Sounds about right to many in Rome.

God is on Tebow’s side… Will anyone bet against Denver in the playoff game?

ROME –  Thousands of Romans are fleeing in fear of a devastating earthquake  forecast for May 11th.

For months Italian internet sites, blogs and social networks have been debating the work of Raffaele Bendandi, who claimed to have forecast numerous earthquakes and, predicted a “big one” in Rome on May 11.

The national television network RAI has run programs aimed at calming rising panic among Romans. The civil protection agency has issued statements reiterating the official scientific view that earthquakes can’t be predicted.

Yet many residents of the Eternal City aren’t listening.

“I’m going to tell the boss I’ve got a medical appointment and take the day off,” barman Fabio Mengarelli told Reuters. “If I have to die I want to die with my wife and kids, and masses of people will do the same as me.”

Chef Tania Cotorobai also said she would be taking a day off in the country. “I don’t know if I really believe it but if you look at the internet you see everything and the opposite of everything, and it end up making you nervous,” she said.

Memories are still vivid of the 2009 earthquake in L’Aquila, which killed more than 300 people and was also felt in Rome.

On that occasion controversy also swirled around a scientist, Giampaolo Giuliani, who in the preceding days tried to warn the local population of an imminent quake — though officials say he was wrong about its precise location.

Bendandi, who died in 1979 aged 86, believed earthquakes were the result of the combined movements of the planets, the moon and the sun and were perfectly predictable.

In 1923 he forecast a quake would hit the central Adriatic region of the Marches on January 2 the following year. He was wrong by two days but Italy’s main newspaper Corriere della Sera still ran a front page article on “The man who forecasts earthquakes.”

Bendandi’s fame grew and in 1927 he was awarded a knighthood by Fascist dictator Benito Mussolini. During his long career his theories were studied by several prominent foreign astronomers.

However the current panic appears to be due more to fear-mongering in the age of internet than to Bendandi himself.

Paola Lagorio, the president of an association dedicated to Bendandi and which preserves all his manuscripts, says they make no reference to any earthquake around Rome in 2011.

Many Catholics are concerned that The Vatican will be destroyed. The Pope is doing everything he can to stop the earthquake:

HOLLYWOOD – The Discovery Channel is teaming up with the Vatican to create an exorcism reality show.

Pope Benedict XVI has greenlit a  Discovery Channel reality show that will reconstruct cases of alleged hauntings and demonic possession investigated by the Catholic Church.

The show will include access to the Vatican’s case files and interviews with the organization’s top exorcists.  The Pope himself, will appear in a few episodes, as he oversees the exorcisms.

The show will feature a lot of “behind the scenes” activities at the Vatican.   The Priests (Bishops and Cardinals) that will be performing the exorcisms will meet and discuss each case.

“If you thought the Real Housewives of New Jersey was wild, wait until you see certified Exorcists arguing over how to get demons out of possessed people.  Talk about fireworks!” said Elisabeth Helmers, a producer for The Exorcist Files.

Discovery is confident that the first season is will be a head-spinning success.  The Catholic Church are allowing full-access to camera crews that will be accompanying exorcists as they do their work.

Discovery president Chester Willow said: “The Vatican is an extraordinarily hard place to get access to, but we explained we’re not going to try to tell people what to think… The work these folks do, and their conviction in their beliefs, make for fascinating stories.  And they agreed to the deal, especially after we made a substantial donation to the Catholic Church.”

Of course there will be celebrity cameos and in the first six episodes Vatican priests will perform exorcisms on Lindsay Lohan and Mel Gibson.  Neither of the stars have agreed to the exorcism, but there will be a Catholic intervention that will add a lot of spice to the show.  “The Church is particularly excited to do an exorcism of Mel Gibson,” said Cardinal Chris Bantoni of Rome.  “There’s going to be demons flying everywhere when we get done with him.”

The Exorcist Files will air on Discovery in the spring.

Here’s a taste of what you might see on the reality show:

LOS ANGELES -  Pitcher Pope Benedict XVI has signed with the Los Angeles Angels for the remainder of the 2010 Major League Baseball season.

The 83-year-old pitcher looked ecstatic after signing his one-year contract.  The Angels have now loaded up their pitching rotation by adding the Holy Father, a highly praised righthander, to their staff.

The move isn’t the first time that the Vatican has broken with tradition, but Pope Benedict wants to reach out to Catholics in America and there’s no better way than pitching for his favorite team.  The St. Louis Cardinals were disappointed, they thought their team was Pope Benedict’s favorite, but as the Pope said, “Angels are holier than Cardinals.”

Vatican sources were concerned that the Pope would not be able to wear his traditional gold cross while pitching, but Bud Selig, the Commissioner of MLB, said he will allow the Holy Father to keep it on. “Bless Bud, ” said the Pope.

The Angels were going to acquire Dan Haren from the Arizona Diamondbacks in exchange for Joe Saunders, but at the last minute they decided instead to trade Joe Saunders to the Vatican for the Pope and two bishops to be named later.

The Angels will  not only have one of the best starting rotations in the American League, but they will have God on their side. “We really feel good about adding the Pope to our starting rotation,” Angels manager Mike Scioscia said. “This is a huge opportunity for us to upgrade not only now, but for eternity. To have real Angels rooting for us… that’s worth gold.  Hallelujah.”

Some baseball insiders are skeptical. “An 83-year-old on the mound, are you kidding me?  He’s gonna have to rely on a screwball, a change-up and a lot of prayers,” a laughing  Bob Geren, the Manager of the Oakland Athletics said.  Angels pitching coach, Mike Butcher said in response, “Geren can laugh all he wants, but PB has some pitches no major league player has ever seen.  He’s got a lot of movement on the ball.  We call one of his pitches “The Pope Popper.”  It just pops into the catcher’s mitt without PB ever moving a muscle.  Hallelujah.”

Non-Catholics, atheists and sinners in MLB are concerned that the Pope may favor Catholic batters, especially those named Jesus.  However, Scioscia said the Pope will be “charitable” to all.

Batters are forewarned.  It’s not a good idea to hit a homerun off the Pope. There can be serious soul consequences.

Pope Benedict will be starting at The Big A on Friday against the Mariners.  Bat Boy will be… the batboy.

ROME – The 10 Commandments – regarded as holy by millions of Christians and Jews around the world – were written by Satan, not God!

That is the controversial claim of a leading biblical scholar who argues that the Evil One cooked up the rules, knowing that most humans would be unable to abide by them – and therefore more souls would end up in Hell!

“Lucifer invented these rules as a diabolical scheme to create more sinners,” declared Dr. Antonio Florio, the author of nearly two dozen books on Old Testament interpretation.

Biblical scholars refer to the 10 Commandments as the Decalogue which is Greek for “the ten words,” according to Dr. Florio, who says most experts agree the origin of the rules is obscure.

“Passages in Exodus and Deuteronomy make it clear that a copy of the Commandments was engraved on two stone tablets, and given to Moses on Mount Sinai,” he said. “But nowhere in the Bible does it state who originally wrote the Commandments.”

While the rules were given to Moses sometime between the 13th and 16th century B.C., Dr. Florio has concluded that they were actually composed thousands of years earlier, shortly after the time of creation.

“A passage in the Dead Sea Scrolls translated in 1974 says that God ordered his ‘most favored angel’ to draw up a list of Commandments for mankind,” the expert said. “It is well known that favorite angel was Lucifer’s position before he was cast out of Heaven.”

“I believe Satan deliberately included provisions no one could be expected to follow, such as not coveting the wife of another man. He knew this would later cause God to damn countless souls.”

Incredibly, Dr. Florio even questions whether the mysterious, unseen being that handed the tablets to Moses truly was God. “Clearly Moses believed the Commandments were delivered by the Almighty – but perhaps he was deceived by the Evil One. Certainly, the figure he describes to the ancient Hebrews is rather sinister. In Deuteronomy 6:22, Moses tells his followers that the figure spoke ‘from the midst of fire, the cloud and the thick of darkness, with a loud voice.’”

Dr. Florio’s thesis has outraged many religious conservatives who still cling to the old assumption that the Commandments were composed by God himself. But others insist it doesn’t really matter.

“Even if Lucifer drafted the 10 Commandments with evil intentions, God – as an omniscient being – must have known what Satan was up to,” a Vatican theologian pointed out. “The fact that the Lord allowed the laws to be given to Man is proof He wished us to follow them to the letter.

“It must all have been part of the divine plan.”

VATICAN CITY – The Vatican hosted a five-day conference to discuss the possibility of alien life!

The Catholic Church invited astronomers, physicists and other scientific experts to Vatican City to discuss astrobiology – the study of the origin of life and its possible existence in the universe.

Reverend Jose Gabriel Funes, director of the Vatican Observatory, said, “the questions of life’s origins and of whether life exists elsewhere in the universe are very suitable and deserve serious consideration”.

The discovery of alien life would have a significant impact on creationism and God’s nature.

Thirty scientists, Catholics and non-Catholics, came from across the world to attend the summit. Chris Impey, an astronomy professor from the University of Arizona, said he had not problem with the Vatican hosting it.

“Both science and religion posit life as a special outcome of a vast and mostly inhospitable universe,” Impey said. “There is a rich middle ground for dialogue between the practitioners of astrobiology and those who seek to understand the meaning of our existence in a biological universe.”

Reverend Fumes said alien life would not contradict the Catholic faith. “Just as there is a multitude of creatures on Earth, there could be other beings, even intelligent ones, created by God. This does not contradict our faith, because we cannot put limits on God’s creative freedom.”

The Vatican has considered the issue in the past, hosting a similar event in 2005.

BROOKLYN, NY – Google Earth has found the entrance to Heaven, and it’s in Brooklyn.

Google Earth cameras accidentally caught a glimpse of what religion scholars believe to be the entrance to Heaven.  The gateway to Paradise is on 9th Street in Red Hook, just off the Gowanus Expressway and near the Ikea.

Residents of the area are reluctantly growing accustomed to having the entrance to Heaven in their neighborhood.  While the proximity to Heaven illicits a feeling of sublime joy, bodega owner Carlos Jimenez says “You get used to it.”  He continues “At first it was great, but that light shines right into my bedroom and it never goes away.  I gotta work in the morning man!”

No word yet if this is just another step in Brooklyn’s progressing gentrification.   Some locals are afraid that this will raise rents in the area and force them out of the neighborhood.    Vatican developers are in talks with the owners of Jimmy’s Garage on the corner of 9th and Clinton.

One anonymous woman said “I’m a Catholic.  I can’t take God to court, can I?”

VATICAN CITY – Two dozen Roman Catholic priests have completed a top-secret program preparing them to serve as missionaries – to outer space!

And the Vatican has ordered the clerics on standby alert – ready to fly off to the stars the minute we make official contact with life on another planet.

“This is a truly staggering development, because for the first time the Church is recognizing that human beings are not the only intelligent creatures in the universe,” theology professor Dr. Rudolph Koller told reporters in Salzburg, Austria.

“And it signals that the Vatican is prepared to spend millions, even billions, of dollars to convert extraterrestrials to a religion that is almost certainly foreign to their own.”

Weekly World News first reported that the Church was training a bold new breed of missionary to travel to Mars and beyond back in January 2004, after word leaked that a secret UFO section had been established at the Vatican University’s Alfonsian Academy.

The program was designed to assure that the Catholic Church leads the way “when the time comes to Christianize alien societies,” a Vatican source said.

During the five years since then, 23 handpicked priests from around the world – including four Americans – have undergone intensive training in “approaches and techniques” to be used in spreading the gospel in space.

“These men are now fully trained to take on the most challenging mission in the history of organized religion,” the source said.

“Pope Benedict XVI has ordered them to be ready to go at a moment’s notice.”

Father Pierre Sorel, a Vatican theologian, insists it’s vitally important that the Church prepare itself to begin missionary work among the stars.

“The existence of alien races in outer space is hardly certain,” he said. “Still, we cannot afford  to ignore space exploration or the possibility of meeting other living creatures.”

But Franco D’Alema, newly elected president of the Rome-based Citizens for Non-Intervention in Alien Affairs, urged the Vatican to abandon its “foolhardy” plan to convert aliens to Catholicism.

“We are about to embark on the most mind-boggling period of discovery mankind has ever seen, a time when we will be introduced to beings unlike anything we can presently imagine,” D’Alema said.

“Let’s not mess it up by preaching and thumping our Bibles. That will only make other residents of the universe grow to despise us.”

VATICAN CITY – The Vatican announced that the Pope received an angelic visit confirming that today, April 22nd, is in fact the anniversary of the creation of Earth.

Early this morning, the Pope went on to the balcony of St. Peter’s Basilica to deliver an impromptu mass to a crowd of surprised spectators.  The Pope seemed somewhat disheveled and clearly jittery.  He went on to explain that his angelic visitor had kept him up all night and he was running on holy espresso.

In the sermon of his mass, Pope Benedict explained that the night before an angelic messenger had come to him.  The angel confirmed that today is the anniversary of Earth’s creation and stressed the importance of mankind’s role as the planet’s caretakers.

The Angel then went on explaining these points for the next 7 hours.  The Pope said he had tried to write everything down, but the Angel was speaking quickly and it was very late.

The Angel explained the science of the Earth’s creation, and how pre-creation relativity affected measurement of time.  The pope said, “It involved a lot of science that I couldn’t follow, so you’ll have to trust me.  But hey, I’m the Pope!”

The crowd in Saint Peter’s square was shocked to hear such joviality out of the Holy Father.  Three nuns in attendance fainted straight away.

“Then he went on to explain how we are stewards of the Earth”, said the Pope.  “And he kept explaining it, over and over.  I told him ‘I understand’ but he kept on going saying the same things.  So I tried saying it in Greek, and Hebrew ‘I understand.  I understand.’ I thought he couldn’t hear me so I said it louder, and he said, ‘Excuse me, I’m not finished.’ So I tried to pay attention but he just kept talking for four more hours.”

The Pope concluded his sermon and finished out the mass to a small but enraptured crowd outside The Vatican.  How the Catholic world will react is still uncertain, but it is expected that the Feast of Saint Juan, patron saint of coffee and college students, will be moved to April 21st.

The Pope wishes the world a happy Earth Day.