WASHINGTON, DC –  The US Treasury is putting the $100,000 bill back into circulation.

US Secretary of Treasury, Timothy Geithner, announced today that the US mint will finally print the 100,000 bill for circulation.

“Since President Obama recently agreed to the two-year extension of the high-end tax cuts initiated by Former President Bush, it just made sense to put this bill into circulation once and for all,” said Geithner, “The über rich still need to have cash that they can actually use.”

A version of the bill was originally produced in 1934 for one series but was never truly put into circulation. The bills are used, but only to pay off internal debts between various government agencies and banks.

The new bill will be strikingly similar to the original, but Woodrow Wilson’s portrait will be replaced by a more recognizable individual. Sources have told Weekly World News that it is a toss up between Lady Gaga and Jesus Christ. WWN photographer, Boy Mack, had the special privilege of photographing test runs of both versions of the bill.

“I am ecstatic that the Department of Treasury has finally gotten with the program. I have been waiting for this bill for a long, long time. I mean, what are my type of people supposed to do with 20s?” said Warren Buffet, one of America’s richest men, “I am hoping to see Gaga on the bill, what a looker!”

The Treasury Department is scheduled to finalize its decision between Jesus and Gaga in the second quarter of 2011.

UPDATE: After WWN broke this story the Treasury Department realized that it had made a grave error in its portrait selection for the new bill. Surprisingly, the government is actually listening to the masses and has agreed to bring Bat Boy into consideration for the new bill.

Upon hearing about the decision, WWN sent staff photographer Boy Mack back to DC to document the new version of the bill.

“I definitely want to see Bat Boy on the bill,” said Oprah Winfrey, “his story is so compelling. He really deserves it more than any of the others.”

PHOTOS by BOY MACK

UPDATE: John Thain’s push for $10 million bonus is possibly orchestrated by aliens!

As previously reported by Weekly World News, John Thain is widely believed to be an alien at the center of an intergalactic conspiracy to bleed Earth’s financial institutions dry. This accusation has only been further substantiated after Thain’s demands for a $10 million bonus for 2008.

Apparently, Thain believes he deserves the money after diverting Merrill Lynch from an even bigger financial meltdown. Do these extraterrestrials have no shame?

September 15, 2008
NEW YORK, NY – During his career, Merrill Lynch CEO John Thain earned the nickname “I Robot” for the mechanical and emotionless manner in which he carried out his instructions.

Many co-workers suspected that Thain merely resembled a human in appearance only and that behind the button-down shirt, hard-wired circuitry allowed him to perform his duties without giving rise to feelings.

Nearly everyone agreed that John Thain is not a people person.

Shocking evidence released today reveals that John Thain is not even a person.

The photo received by Weekly World News was taken in the early morning hours of September 12th, the same day that the heads of the Federal Reserve and the US Treasury moved to calm fears about the financial health of the country.

While Fed Chief, Ben Bernanke and Treasury Secretary Paulson called for new regulatory powers to shield the economy from the collapse of Wall Street firms, John Thain was deep in discussion with the UFO alien about the future of his firm Merrill Lynch.

Recent events now suggest that Thain is not a robot but in fact an alien at the center of an intergalactic conspiracy to rob Earth of vital minerals and financial institutions.

Stay tuned for additional news.

UPDATE: At a pivotal moment in the nation’s history, America’s newest Deputy Treasury Secretary, Bat Boy, was nowhere to be found. This revelation sent shockwaves through the market and Washington D.C. on Monday.

Where was Bat Boy? He had scurried off to see his favorite band, Vampire Weekend, play a secret show in Brooklyn on Saturday night. He watched and devoured mosquitoes while the nation burned.

09/29/08
The lower house of the U.S. Congress has voted down the rescue plan to bail out Wall Street. Henry Paulson has called on Bat Boy to persuade those in the House of Representatives who rejected it to move the plan forward.

Bat Boy seemed confident that a bounty of mosquitoes and his collection of bird skulls will do the trick.

09/25/08 – A financial crisis has been averted!

WASHINGTON, DC – Henry Paulson has proposed Bat Boy to be Deputy Treasury Secretary of the U.S. Treasury. The Senate is understandably skeptical of this recommendation.

“I mean, people are saying Sarah Palin isn’t qualified enough to be Vice-President, and she’s a governor! This bailout boy lives in a cave!”, exclaimed an unnamed Senator. He wished to remain anonymous, for fear of mutant backlash.

Paulson’s reasoning?

While experimenting in his cave, Bat Boy discovered a rare form of guano left by his fellow bats. This peak guano is such an effective form of alternative energy, the government will be able to sell it as an oil -alternative domestically and abroad for a tidy profit, thus covering the $1 trillion dollar cost of bailing out the financial system.

Paulson also stated, “Bailout Boy will not require lavish executive pay or even a hefty bonus. Bat Boy has asked to be compensated entirely in mosquitoes–an abundant commodity that we are happy to be unloading at this time.”