ATHENS, GA – Kim Jong Il has been sighted at a record store in Athens, Georgia.

North Korea’s formerly deceased communist dictator was seen perusing used records at Wuxtry, the same store where the band R.E.M. was formed

Notably absent from the public eye for months, Kim Jong Il has been recently been spotted in small towns throughout the American heartland. North Korean officials deny these claims, sating “Preposterous! Our Glorious Leader is dead, working tirelessly for the people from the afterlife.”

Here he is relaxing in his Georgia apartment:

Although attempting to blend in, Kim Jong Il attracted unwanted attention when he began happily singing along to Dave Matthews’ “Under the Table and Dreaming” at a listening station.

After nearly two hours of careful consideration he left the store with albums by Tom Waits, Neutral Milk Hotel, and Johnny Cash on vinyl. Before leaving he picked up a flier for a house party at the nearby University of Georgia. Investigation has yet to conclude whether the communist leader attended the kegger.

PRINCETON, NJ – Princeton Review’s 2011 list of best party schools shocked students from coast-to-coast. Harvard is #1!

Princeton Review has come out with their list of top party schools for 2011, and to everyone’s surprise, Harvard takes the title for the first time. College students in Cambridge lead the way in party fun. In celebration, The Harvard Glee Club sang “The Camel Drivers” for five hours straight.  Students rattled noisemakers all night.

Hard-partying college students around the country are up in arms over the selection.  J.T. Cobb, a senior at the University of Georgia said, “No way, man!!  Harvard is for nerds and dorks and boring people. There’s no way they can out party us at Georgia. No freaking way.”

To prove his party prowess, J.T. put on a gas mask and did a mega bong hit AND a keg-stand at the same time. The Princeton Review, the elite organization that also scores the SATs, gave J.T. only a 620 (out of 800) on his keg stand.  Meanwhile, Charlotte Blackmon of Harvard University, who was valedictorian of her Choate high school class and had perfect SAT scores, also did a keg stand for the Princeton Review judges. Her keg stand earned her a 800.  J.T. complained because he thought the judges were influenced by her exposed butt cheek. You decide. Here’s Charlotte in action:

Harvard President , Drew Gilpin Faust,  was not surprised.  “Harvard has a long history of wild parties. Just last winter we had a Scrabble Scramble that was just divine.  “I was bouncing off the walls” said Arthur Goldstein, a freshmen at Harvard.  “I had two oatmeal cookies and a glass of lemonade. I was up until 2 a.m.!”

According to the Princeton Review, Harvard has some of the best “party clubs” in the country. Here are some of the wild events that were happening on campus when the Princeton Review Party Crew visited:

* Ballroom Dance-o-rama
* Shakespeare Sonnet Night with Elena Kagan
* In Vino Veritas: Wine Tasting with Paul Giamatti
* Midnight Squash (Co-ed!)
* Metaphysical 17th Century Poetry Slam
* Corporate Legal Brief Readings – in your briefs!
* Timed Rubik’s Cube Competition
* Afternoon Soda-palooza
* Keg Stand Instruction with Charlotte Blackmon

Harvard students, who are used to being #1 in everything, were ecstatic to hear the news. They want college students across the country to know that they can throw down, too. “I always knew we had the best soirees,” said sophomore Jiddu Balasubramaniu. “There’s a lot of Harvard Haters out there, but we don’t care. We’re better than everyone else… in everything. Forever.”

To celebrate, Harvard students had a Scone and Herbal Tea Party in Harvard Square.  The main attraction:  Charlotte Blackmon doing keg stands.

Here’s Princeton Review’s Top Ten list:

1. Harvard University
2. Bowdoin
3. The Citadel
4. John Hopkins University
5. University of Pierre
6. Bob Jones University
7.  Ohio University
8. Glenn Beck University
9. Santa Monica College
10. Georgia Tech

What do you think?