ALBUQUERQUE, NM – Sew another star on the flag. Mexico will become our 51st state in 2012.

MEXICO CITY – Americans, in the hundreds of thousands, are crossing the border into Mexico -looking for work.

WASHINGTON, DC – Budget crisis causes U.S. to turn to the alien, P’Lod, for financial aid.

WASHINGTON – U.S. to develop giant reflective cones to keep the sun up 24/7.

WASHINGTON – With supplies of execution drugs disappearing, the U.S. has turned to more primitive methods of execution.

WASHINGTON – U.S. Army is now allowing minors to serve in the military in preparation for a war with Libya.

CAIRO, Egypt – Scientists plan to resurrect King Tutankhamen to lead Egypt out of oppression.

BEIJING, China – Chimpanzees are now being used for outsourced technical support.

WASHINGTON – Michelle Obama wants kids to get out and play, but how? By turning off the internet!

TUSCON, AZ- Mexican drug cartels must resort to primitive tactics to get drugs across the US border.