GENEVA – A consensus vote at the United Nations today recognized Kosovo’s right to after-hours, unsupervised socialization rights with consenting nations.

SVALBARD, NORWAY – Reports have emerged claiming that Cindy McCain, wife of Republican Presidential nominee John McCain, will return to her ice kingdom following the November elections should her husband not be victorious.

Recent findings reveal that French First Lady Carla Bruni has been alive since at least the early Hellenic Period. Dr. Andrei Cyriakis has uncovered artifacts off the coast of Sicily dating back to 300 BC which bear an unmistakable resemblance to the model/singer.

Dr. Cyriakis’ find would help explain several events since Bruni began her courtship with French Prime Minister Nicolas Sarkozy.