MEXICO CITY –  Americans, in the hundreds of thousands, are crossing the border into Mexico -looking for work.

There were ZERO jobs created in the United States last week.  Unemployment remains over 9.1% and if you consider all the Americans that have stopped looking for work, the number is closer to 20%.

The answer for a large group of Americans:   Mexico.

The Mexican economy is booming.  Many of  the illegal immigrants that  have come to the United States have turned around and headed back to Mexico.  Yes, there are drug cartels killing citizens, police officers and government officials, but there are jobs there and Americans are willing to take the risk.

“I’m not worried about the drug dealers, I need a job.  I need to take care of my family,” said Steven Rivera of El Paso, Texas.   Rivera’s family will remain  in El Paso, while Steven works in at a Tequila Farm in Baja.  ”I’ll only be making about $3,000 a month, but the cost of living is low.  I’ll be sending most of the money back to my family.”

Mexican Border Patrol has seen a spike in Americans running across the border into Mexico – looking for work.

But the MBP has  different approach to illegal immigration.  ”If we see anybody running across the border, we will kill them on the spot.  We will use as many bullets as it takes to make sure the illegal is no longer a threat to Mexico.”

Still, Americans are running across the border in record number, with only backpacks and bottles of water.  ”Many are making through the desert of Mexico and getting to Mexico City, but many, unfortunately, are not making it,” said White House head Mexican-American relations, Jill Bonderas, says that the Obama Administration is doing all it can to keep illegal immigrants safe in our country and “we hope the Mexicans are keeping the Americans who cross the border safe as well.”

Thousands of Americans are seen standing outside Hardware Y Siseno (the equivalent of Home Depot), hoping to be picked up for day labor jobs.

“Hopefully,  if America can create jobs again, and Americans won’t have to leave to find jobs in Mexico, but the trend seems to be increasing,” said Secretary of Labor, Hilda Solis.  ”But, in the meantime, we are sure they will have a good time in Mexico.  It’s so beautiful down there”

DETROIT – Out-of-work Americans are signing up in record numbers for a union, the Union of Unemployed Americans.

Thirty-one million Americans are unemployed.  The daily barrage of heartbreaking unemployment statistics ceases to shock. The economy does not seem to be rebounding and there seems to be no “hope” anymore for the jobless.  A recent Gallup poll shows 61 percent of the underemployed aren’t even hopeful they’ll find work within a month.

Enter the UUA.

James Bontempo, an unemployed factory worker from Dearborn, MI has started a national union, The Union of Unemployed Americans, which hopes to bring together the legions of unemployed. Bontempo said, “Our mission is simple.  We want jobs, and we want them now!”  Bontempo said that while the unemployed continue to wait for the government to get their act together (which they now fear will never happen) they are organizing, getting ready to fight for their rights.

The UUA has  put together  a list of demands for the unemployed.  These demands include (but are not limited to):

1 – Jobs
2 – Jobs
3 – Jobs
4 – Food
5 – Housing
6 – Healthcare
7 – Cars
8 – TV/Internet
9 – Alcohol (and/or marijuana)
10 – Jobs, Jobs, Jobs!!!

David Axelrod, the Senior Adviser to President Obama, told WWN that the government was already working on providing all of the items on the UUA list.   “We should be able to give the unemployed all these things by the end of 2011, as long as the unemployed that receive the benefits promise to vote for President Obama in 2012.  We scratch your back, you scratch Barack’s back.”

When asked about providing the unemployed what they REALLY want (jobs!), Axelord said, “Huh, what did you say?”

Axelrod then explained how the government plans to provide benefits to the unemployed, “We are going to raise taxes  on the top 5% of wage-earners in the U.S.   They will taxed at a 90% rate now. That should do it.”  Axelrod and Rahm Emanuel, President Obama’s Chief of Staff, met with Bontempo and UUA executives  yesterday at the White House.  Bontempo, a big bear of a man, spoke to reporters after meeting.

“These people in the White House are morons and pansies – plan and simple.  I wouldn’t let them scrap sh*t off my boot. If they won’t get us jobs, they better give us what we want.  I’m not a man who takes no for an answer. On behalf of the 31 million unemployed, I say get us jobs or meet our demands. Now!”

The UUA already has signed up 12 million unemployed workers, which makes it the biggest union in the country.  The AFL-CIO has 11 million workers and SEIU has 2.2 million workers. Bontempo said, “We plan to have all 31 million signed up by the end of 2010.  We mean business.”

President Obama is now scheduling a speech to be delivered at the first annual UUA national meeting in Riverside, California on September 14th.

In March of this year, another union for the unemployed was formed, UCubed.  This union works to help the 31 million unemployed Americans organize, work together and get back to work, as well.   UCubed members are asked to “form a cube, and multiply your political and economic power by 6. Then by 36. Eventually, by 31 million. Take Control.”

Here’s the web site for UCubed.

Here’s a video showing the spread of unemployment in America since 2007.  If the government doesn’t get its act together soon, you might be in the UUA soon.  So shout it out, “Jobs! Jobs! Jobs!”

With unemployment rates about to hit the highest numbers since the Great Depression, Americans are leaving in droves to find work in one of the few places still hiring: China.

Chinese industry is one of the few in the world that hasn’t slowed down.  The worlds demand for cheaply made crap is still on the rise, and shows no sign of slowing.  Day and night their factories work away, fueled by coal and immigrants seeking a better life.  Inside the air is thick with tar fumes and hope.

American families who lost their jobs and their homes are finding new lives in Shanghai and Beijing.  Midwestern housewives are getting jobs putting lead in children’s toys.  For hours on end they slave away in factories so they can send money back home, so their children can buy the same toys.  Laid off auto workers are finding opportunities doing hazardous labor considered too dangerous to risk damaging expensive machines with.

China is starting to retaliate against the dramatic influx of Americans.  Store owners are putting signs in shop windows “No Americans Need Apply.”  Citizens in some areas are concerned of their own culture being overrun.  The Chinese government has had to intervene, imposing limits on how many Americans are allowed to enter the country per day.  Still every day thousands more arrive desperate for whatever work is available.  Some checkpoints have been nearly overrun by riots, which the government insists did not happen.  Still the Americans wait outside of the Great Wall, most because they don’t know there are other places to enter the country.

As more and more Americans pack up their belongings and leave for China, entire cities are turned into ghost towns.  It is rumored that entire state of Michigan is completely empty, however no one has bothered to check.

I’d be pig-biting mad but I can’t afford a hog – or a new set of dentures!

The Communist-in-Chief says his new plans have saved thousands of jobs, and he’s telling the truth (for once!). But they’re all government jobs!
Those idiots can’t get fired anyhow. And government jobs aren’t even real jobs. More like life long vacations in an ugly office full of stupid people.

As the great Ronald Reagan used to say, “Government is not the solution to our problem. Government is the problem.” We pay government bureaucrats almost half our money to do stuff we’re perfectly capable of doing ourselves for free, like losing important pieces of paper and not answering the phone.

That’s why the real way to fix the economy is to cut our taxes, and we can cut our taxes by getting rid of all those crazy do-nothing government jobs.

First, let’s shut down NASA. I call it NO-SAW. We’re been at it forty years, and a jillion dollars later, NASA hasn’t come up with one single solitary blue, bigheaded spaceman. All we’ve got for our money is Tang and a box of rocks.

After all those neat movies I watched as a kid, the real outer space turned out to be damn boring – just boulders in the sky with nothing on them. Not even Zsa-Zsa Gabor in a lime green mini skirt and pointy brassiere.

Some mice get a really pricey plane ride twice a year, assuming they don’t get blown up. OK, OK – the Earth looks really pretty from far away and you can float up in space. We get that.

If I was Teleprompter Jesus, I’d tell NO-SAW they’ve got 24 hours to show us some little green men or every McDonald’s in the country’s gonna have rocket scientists asking, “You want fries with that?”

The Board of Directors appreciates your interest in working at The Harold Bugler and welcomes your applications, but doesn’t read or reply to any of them. Instead, please contact the low-level employee who will give you enough consideration to prevent his dismissal and the resulting discontinuity in his marijuana consumption.

All those seeking employment at The Harold Bugler should read this turgid, defensive, and vaguely contemptuous message from the self-aggrandizing middle manager who will be deciding on your future.

PLEASE READ THESE INSTRUCTIONS CAREFULLY.  It is assumed by this point that you cannot be trusted to read lower-case, perhaps because you are the kind of stalker idiot who makes everyone in a position of power afraid to talk to the public.

If not, then you must also make sure you meet these other qualifications before applying:

- at least four years of experience in arbitrary minimums
- total and complete mastery of Microsoft Word, including bulleting and page breaks
- a dynamic, positive, team-player attitude towards federal investigation
- ability to work in a demanding, high-pressure environment if you are an attractive young woman

Make sure you have thoroughly researched The Bugler before deciding whether we are right for you.  Ostensibly, this may seem to have your best interest at heart, but it’s more a matter of laziness and sabre-rattling from very insecure people.

Please allow six to eight weeks for us to lose your resume.  Follow-ups will be counseled by your friends and family, but will be a source of great annoyance to us and will not advance your case.

Good luck, and thank you for your interest in getting an indifferent rejection from The Harold Bugler.