Here’s a handy list of five things to keep on the lookout for at the Royal Wedding.

The Royal Wedding is only a few hours away and every one all over planet earth is waiting with bated breath to hear Kate and William say “I do” in their fancy British accents.

We here at WWN have decided that watching the wedding should not have to be a snore-fest so we have put together a list of the top five things to look for during the wedding, scavenger hunt style.

1. Expressionless faces – Brits are known to have fewer muscles in their faces. This prevents them from smiling. That or it could just be the fact that they live under a grey cloud everyday of their lives. Either way, be sure to look out for blank expressionless stares coming from the crowd as the young couple confirms their nuptials.
2. People with bad teeth – While you are watching two people get married that you do not know; why not make a tally of all the people who you see who have poor dental hygiene. You might find this hard due to the Brits inability to smile, but perhaps you can catch someone in the crowd yawning.
3. Yards of beer – What would a proper English wedding be without beer? It is reported that the British government is allowing street venders to sell yards of beer to those who wish to watch the procession as it passes by. Don’t forget to mark your score card. If you can catch a beer induced brawl, that is a double score.
4. Kate Middleton’s garter belt – Inside sources have informed WWN that although Kate will not be throwing her bouquet into the crowd, Prince William will be flinging her garter belt. You will probably only have a few seconds to catch this one, so stay sharp.
5. Al Qaeda Jihadists – What would a world televised event be these days without the threat of a terrorist? It is unlikely that you will see any jihadists in the crowds considering the extreme security. But if you are lucky enough to spot one, then you should send your resume to Scotland Yard.

Make sure to keep a tally and report back with how many of each item you witnessed during this every important world event.

All sightings should be converted into points using the following point scale: Numbers 1 through 3 are worth 5 points per sighting, Number 4 is worth 300,000 points and Number 5 is worth 1,000,000 points.  The person with the most points wins. Good luck and don’t forget to set your alarms.

PORT TENNANT SWANSEA, UK – An overly imaginative 20 something thinks that a house  looks like Hitler

Charli Dickenson, 22, recently tweeted about a house that resembles Adolph Hitler. When recently asked about her decision to post the picture of the racist house she was quoted with the following.

“I walk past the house all the time, but I had never noticed the Hitler likeness before. But then, at the weekend, I was in the car with my boyfriend and we were stuck in traffic and I just said to him, ‘That house looks like Hitler.’ We both laughed. I took a picture and posted it on Twitter.”

Hundreds of thousands of internet trolls have seen the image and claim that the slanted roof resembles Hitler’s quaff, the door lintel is his signature tiny moustache, and that the upper his eyes.

“My house doesn’t look like Hitler. That is the stupidest thing that I have ever heard. It is a house with a slanted roof. What kind of idiot sees Hitler in that!” exclaimed one of the owners of the house who happen to be an elderly Jewish couple that knows little about the internet and nothing about Twitter.

“I tend to agree with the owner that it does not look like Hitler. However, I do think that this house looks like Charlie Chaplin.”

Or maybe more like John Waters.

Or maybe more like John Waters with Charlie Chaplin’s hat.

LONDON – Pamela Anderson spoke to butchers over the weekend, showing off her meat.

Pamela Anderson, a 43-year-old mother and former star of Baywatch, was in London to speak on behalf of Peta (People for the Ethical Treatment for Animals) and to promote her new “butcher poster.”   In the poster, Anderson is  divided into chunks of meat like breast and ribs.  She is wearing nothing but a teensy tiny bikini.

“I wanted to talk about my flesh and meat.  This butcher ad with me in a bikini – really draws attention to my best parts.  I think it’s clear that I ‘m Grade A meat.”

Pamela Anderson wants to encourage people to become vegetarians, and also to buy more pictures of her in bikinis.  “I think if people ate less meat and bought more pictures of me naked, the world would be a better place.”

The poster proclaims: “All animals have the same body parts, but mine are hotter.”

Dressed in a sky blue shirt-waisted Vivienne Westwood dress cinched with a red belt and wearing gold stiletos, Anderson was all smiles as she proudly posed alongside the display .

Anderson spent the majority of her time on Baywatch wearing a tiny red bikini, had no problem undertaking the campaign and said she believed the poster’s message was an important one.   She said: “The biggest issue that I like to talk about is how my breasts are still as fabulous as they ever were.  And I think my legs are getting better with age.”

I want to talk about the flesh part of it all, so we thought this would be a great parody – the butcher ad and being in a bikini – drawing attention to it and realizing that we all have the same parts.”

Pamela is currently working on her next film:   “Sex With Tommy IV.”

Catch the Pamela meat in action:

LONDON -  A new study shows that, in Britain,  alcohol use causes more harm than heroin and/or crack.

Alcohol is the most dangerous drug in England by a large margin, beating heroin and crack cocaine into second and third place, according to an authoritative study published today which will reopen calls for England’s drug classification system to be scrapped and a concerted campaign launched against beer, wine and hard liquor.

The study examined nine categories of harm that drugs can do to the individual “from death to damage to mental functioning and loss of relationships” and seven types of harm to others. The maximum possible harm score was 100 and the minimum zero.

Overall, alcohol scored 72 – against 55 for heroin and 54 for crack. The most dangerous drugs to their individual users were ranked as heroin, crack and then crystal meth. The most harmful to others were alcohol, heroin and crack in that order.

For overall harm, the other drugs examined ranked as follows: crystal meth (33), cocaine (27), tobacco (26), amphetamine/speed (23), cannabis (20), GHB (18), benzodiazepines (15), ketamine (15), methadone (13), butane (10), qat (9), ecstasy (9), anabolic steroids (9), LSD (7), buprenorphine (6) and magic mushrooms (5).

Dn Shenker, the chief executive of Alcohol Concern in London, said : “What this study and new classification shows is that successive governments have mistakenly focused attention on illicit drugs, whereas the pervading harms from alcohol should have given a far higher priority. Drug misusers are still ten times more likely to receive support for their addiction than alcohol misusers, costing the taxpayer billions in repeat hospital admissions and alcohol related crime. Alcohol misuse has been exacerbated in recent years as government failed to accept the link between cheap prices, higher consumption and resultant harms to individuals and society.”

The Obama Administration quickly reacted to the study and is putting together a bill for Congress banning alcohol in all 50 states.  “We need to take good care of our citizens,”  said Robert Gibbs, the White House Press Secretary, “and if they we can’t let them drink alcohol anymore.  It’s just too dangerous.”

The White House hopes that the new Prohibition Law will pass swiftly through Congress and be the law of the land by New Year’s Eve.

“We have been fighting a war on drugs for over three decades and we’ve never listed alcohol as an enemy in that war,” said David Axelrod, Senior Adviser to the President.  “Alcohol is now public enemy number 1!”

Even though the Administration wants to ban alcohol, they are supporting California’s Prop 19, which will legalize marijuana in the Golden State.

“Pot is good for you, alcohol will kill you,” said Valerie Jarrett, White House senior adviser.  “We will no longer be serving alcohol and White House state dinners, but there will be plenty of Afghan Train and Thai Sticks at the event. “

Say no to alcohol, say YES to pot!



LONDON – Social media continues to rise in popularity, but it’s taking its toll on the economy!

Facebooking, Tweeting and everything in between is becoming a huge problem for the UK economy. New research reveals that the British economy is losing €14 billion a year due to wasted work time on social networking websites.

The research found that roughly two million workers spend at least an hour each day on Facebook, Twitter and Myspace when they should be working. More than half of the UK workforce spends 30 minutes each day on social networking sites.

“Our results clearly show that UK workers are spending increased time whilst at work on social media networks, which, leaf unchecked, could have negative repercussions on the productivity of many companies across the country,” Managing Director of Myjobgroup.co.uk Lee Fayer said in a statement with the results of the survey.

MyJobGroup.co.uk is a British employment website that said it polled 1,000 British workers and found that nearly 6 percent, or 2 million, of Britain’s 34 million-strong workforce spent over an hour per day on social media while at work, amounting to more than one eighth of their entire working day.

Many are spending so much time friending. tweeting, adding photos and video, as well as updating their profiles, that companies’ productivity is severely suffering as a result.

Despite the research and documented negative effects, many workers polled were in denial about the ill-effects of social media on their efficiency. Only 14 percent of respondents admitted to being less productive as a result of social media and 10 percent even claimed social media had made them more productive.

“Companies would do well to monitor use of social networking sites during work hours and ensure that their employers are not abusing their freedom of access to these sites,” said Fayer.

Greetings Sentients!  Once again this is your most humble host and educator of all things epicurean MYGAR. 
With the changing of seasons upon us it falls upon me to share my knowledge of the best travel destinations on the planet.  Below is a list of the greatest destinations, and greatest deals for the trans-galactic traveler on a budget.  Enjoy!

Venice.  Hotels in the submerged portions of the city have been set up for water breathing life forms and are some of the best in this section of the galaxy.

Teotihuacan.  If you can travel through time, their restaurants in 40 bc were beyond delight.  And don’t forget to take in a ball game, even if you know who wins its fun to watch.  Even the contemporary ruins of this once glorious civilization are still a marvel and worth the trip.

Dixie County Florida.  Florida’s gulf coast is home to some of the planet’s best beaches.  Off the shore of Dixie Country Manatees gather each spring for poetry readings and philosophical debates that outsiders are welcome to attend.

Tempe Arizona.  Hyperdrive drag racing over the Arizona desert has been a tradition here for decades.  See the best of the best compete for bragging rights.  New laws have made it more difficult to harass the local population with probing.

Dollywood in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee.  All Hail the retired empress of the Tulurgian Empire!  Since abdicating her throne some 40 years ago the former Empress has passed the time as a country and western singer and opened a self-styled theme park.  The funnel cakes are so good, you won’t care they’re made of people.

Thessaloniki, Greece.  Snorkel with the Kraken off the shores of this Mediterranean isle.  Enjoy dinner on a restaurant patio overlooking the cliffs where the local Sirens perform nightly.

London, UK.  Like most advanced life forms in the galaxy we all know the prophecy of what will happen to this great metropolis in 2012.  Book a space now to see the fireworks!

Dubai.  Due to a well concealed zombie outbreak no one else is here now.  And someone needs to stay in all those new hotels.

King William Island, Northern Canada.  Big game hunters will want to catch the Tuunboq, a giant snow monster which can eat humans whole.  Enjoy the psychic enhancing effects of being near the magnetic north pole.

Atlantis.  Due to a slumping economy visiting this sunken kingdom has become easier than ever.  Although some will claim that it has become overrun by the tourist market, a recent downturn in their economy has forced a great deal of scaling back and family owned businesses are making a comeback.

And that, my friends, rounds out my list of the best deals in travel for this lovely little planet.  Please explore this precious sphere in your own way and try to be patient with local lifeforms.

As always, your humble servant, MYGAR

LONDON, UK – An egg laid by a Great Elephant Bird in the 17th century has gone on sale for £5,000.

John Shepherd, an antiques dealer, has placed the egg on sale at the Chelsea Antiques Fair in London. The paleontologist bought it after seeing one in a nature documentary. “The egg has a great social history. The Madagascan Elephant Bird was the only giant bird to exist with man and man caused its extinction. It’s nice to be able to show children today about environmental issues that have been going on for hundreds of years.”

The Great Elephant Bird, aepyornis maximus, was the largest flightless bird to have ever existed on Earth. Standing at over 10 feet tall and weighing half a ton, it resembled a heavily built ostrich.

Although physically intimidating, they were hunted into extinction in the mid-1600s. Eggshells have been found in the remains of human fires in a recent excavation. It is presumed not only humans but other animals feasted on their eggs when possible, which could have caused their demise. The bird would not have been a threat to humans, as it was an herbivore.

The egg on sale has a circumference of over three feet, but is hollow, as it was found broken and then pieced back together. About 35 specalist antiques dealers will be attending the sale.