ASHTON KUTCHER TO GET LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD

The “Two and a Half Men” actor will be honored at the 84th Annual Academy Awards.

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CHARLIE SHEEN FORMS CARTEL IN COLOMBIA

BOGOTA, COLOMBIA –  Charlie Sheen has been in Colombia for the last week,  trying to start his own drug cartel.

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CHARLIE SHEEN SIGNED BY ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS

PHOENIX – The Arizona Diamondbacks signed Charlie Sheen as a reserve second baseman for the remainder of the season.

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CHARLIE SHEEN JUMPS FENCE AT WHITE HOUSE

WASHINGTON –  After a man was detained by the Secret Service for jumping a fence at the White House – Charlie Sheen jumped over, too.

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CHARLIE SHEEN HIRES ALIEN AS NEW PUBLICIST

HOLLYWOOD – Charlie Sheen has hired an alien as new publicist.  And they are both “winning” according to Sheen.

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CHARLIE SHEEN ADOPTS PORN FAMILY

HOLLYWOOD – Charlie Sheen announced today that when he gets out of rehab he will be adopting seven porn stars and living with them in a new home.

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