PORT SAINT LUCIE, FL – Gangs are springing up in Wal-Marts around the country, but shoppers continue to risk it in search of good deals.

WASHINGTON, DC – Vice President Dick Cheney has announced that he is a Vampire. Holding a press conference in the hours before dawn, Cheney stated, “I am an Undead-American.”

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Whether he’s a fan of the books or just trying to make friends, Bat Boy was spotted waiting in line to meet the star of the upcoming film “Twilight”.