Turkey confiscated the text, written on animal hide, in an anti-smuggling operation. Turkish authorities believe it could be an authentic version of the Gospel of Barnabas by the apostle known for his travels with the apostle Paul.

Basij Press contends the text was written in the 5th or 6th century and predicts the coming of Muhammad.

The Christian world, it says, denies the existence of such a gospel.

Another known “Barnabas Gospel” dates to the late 16th century, which would post-date Muhammad.

In the Barnabas text held by Turkey, chapter 41 states: “God has hidden himself as Archangel Michael ran them (Adam and Eve) out of heaven, (and) when Adam turned, he noticed that at top of the gateway to heaven, it was written ‘La elah ela Allah, Mohamad rasool Allah,’” meaning Allah is the only God and Muhammad his prophet.

The Turkish army has taken possession of the text because the “Zionists” and the governments of the West are trying to suppress its contents, Basij Press claims.

According to the Barnabas Gospel in Turkey’s hands, Basij Press says, Jesus was never crucified, He’s not the Son of God and He, Himself, predicts the coming of Muhammad.

The Basij report concludes that the discovery is so immense, it will affect world politics, and that the world powers have become aware of its impact.

Turkey plans to put the Bible on public display. Though Turkish authorities believe it could be an authentic version of the Gospel of Barnabas, others believe it only goes back to the 16th century and is a fake because it would have been written centuries after Muhammad’s life.

Erick Stakelbeck, host of the Christian Broadcasting Network’s “Stakelbeck on Terror” ” show and a close observer of Iranian affairs, said Iran is highlighting the book because it sees Christianity as a threat.

“The Iranian regime is committed to stamping out Christianity by any means necessary, whether that means executing Christian converts, burning Bibles or raiding underground churches,” he explained.

“In promoting the so-called Barnabas Bible – which was likely written sometime in the 16th century and is not accepted by any mainstream Christian denomination – the regime is once again attempting to discredit the Christian faith. Record numbers of young Iranians are leaving Islam and embracing Christ, and the mullahs see Christianity as a growing threat to their authority.”

The Vatican has requested to see the text, but it is unknown if Turkey has provided access.

Reza Kahlili

Reza Kahlili translated this Iranian video about Islamic prophecies of a coming messiah and the destruction of Israel:

There’s a new hot snack selling in Romania and Turkey – Black Man Cookies!

Move over Vanilla Wafers, Oreos, Samoas… there’s a new cookie in town.  A SUPER cookie.  Black Man Cookies!

Romania and Turkey have a new top-selling cookie.  ”Black Man”  is a chocolate-flavored cookie sold in stores all over Eastern Europe and the Mideast.  The cookie appears to have coarse hair, closed eyes, a wide nose and big lips. It is sporting a Superman cape with a “B” inscribed on a plate in the front.

They are flying off the shelves in Bucharest:

And citizens in Istanbul are lining up for tasty treat:

It’s the latest in a long line of European and Middle Eastern consumer products designed to profit from racial stereotypes.   Eastern Europeans aren’t known for their racial sensitivity and the Turks – well, they feel they are just more “open” than people in the West.   “People in America are too sensitive,” said a Black Man  cookie lover.  ”It’s just a cookie!”

A deli owner on 47th Street in Manhattan was asked if he sold Black Man cookies.  ”What?  Are you crazy?  That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

He went on to add.  Can’t we all just get along:

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The U.S. Center for Disease Control has issued a warning:  zombie turkeys are on the loose!

Scientists from the CDC released a formal warning earlier this morning.

“We are currently witnessing one of the worst zombie attacks in recent history,” the report said. “Turkeys across America are rising from the dead and feasting on the flesh of their golden brown, perfectly roasted brethren.”

According to researchers, the source of the zombie turkey outbreak can be traced back to a turkey farm in West Virginia. There, local farmers experimented with a new, synthetic flavor injection that they hoped would increase the fat deposits on deceased turkeys.

“Basically, we wanted to make a fatter, juicier turkey,” said a worker at the West Virginia turkey farm who wished to remain nameless. “We injected the dead turkeys with the serum, hoping they would plump up a little. Next thing we know, they were coming back to life and trying to eat our brains!”

It has since been discovered that the antibiotic contained traces of turkey DNA, which when injected into the dead turkey carcasses, brought them back to life.

Though scientists and farmers have been working around the clock to devise a plan to stop the zombies, the outbreak continues to spread. Already, over 6,000 supermarkets across the country have had to close down due to massive zombie infections in their frozen turkey department.

Samantha Teehausen, of Weehawken, New Jersey, was shopping at her local supermarket when she witnessed a zombie attack.

photo by Boy Mack

“I was putting a frozen turkey into my shopping cart when all of a sudden an army of turkeys came crashing through the front door,” said Teehausen “These turkeys were disgusting. Their heads were split open and their skin looked like it was rotting off the bone. Right away, I knew they were zombies”

She added: “One of the zombie turkeys hoped into my shopping cart and took a huge bite out of my frozen one. Suddenly my frozen turkey sprang to life and tried to eat me! I ran the heck out of there as fast as I could!”

Similar incidents have been reported around the country, prompting government officials to sanction an official ban on eating turkeys.

“We know this comes at a bad time,” said President Obama in a speech to reporters this morning. “However, the United States government has no choice but to ban the eating of all turkey meat on Thanksgiving.”

He added, “You should give Tofurkey a try. Honestly, it’s not that bad.”

Some Americans have expressed outrage over the government’s turkey ban.

“What am I going to do with all this stuffing?” said Kenneth Jones, of Fairmont, West Virginia. “Give it to Obama? I don’t think so! The only stuffing he’s gonna get is when I stuff that Tofurkey up his – “

Unfortunately, the Weekly World News cannot print the rest of Kenneth’s quote due to obscenity laws.

Whether you decided to eat your Thanksgiving turkey is up to you. But readers, be warned: if you feel a funny sensation after dinner –like tiredness, sluggishness, and fatigue – it’s not the tryptophan.

You’re probably a zombie!

[Photos by BOY MACK]

TURKEY – In a new study of sexual behavior, scientists have concluded definitively that fat men are better in bed.

In an extensive scientific study done at Erciyes University in Kayseri, Turkey, it was determined that fat men last longer in bed, while lean gym jocks are prone to premature ejaculation and impotence.

According to the study, men with excess body fat develop more female sex hormones that influence their sexual performance. Men with high fat levels were found to have higher levels of the female sex hormone oestradiol, which disrupts the chemical balance in their body, making them last longer during sex.

One four hundred pound man, Savio Bari lasted six hours before climaxing.  His wife, Mariska Bari, reportedly enjoyed the sex, but she later died from complications of a crushed ribcage.

The survey’s results found fat men could last an average of 7.3 minutes during love-making, while their skinnier counterparts only lasted 1.3 minutes.  Male politicians only lasted 0.9 minutes.

Researchers spent a year recording the body mass index (BMI) of more than 500 patients referred for specialist treatment. They compared these results with 500 other male patients who lasted longer during sex.
Results concluded that the men needing treatment for premature ejaculation had lower BMI scores, meaning they were fitter. “We found that premature ejaculators were leaner,” the report stated.  “Men who go to the gym a lot look good, but they are terrible in bed.”

Women in Chicago and Los Angeles confirmed the results of the study.  In anecdotal reports, women who dated men that frequented Muscle Beach in Venice, California were unsatisfied with their sexual partner. “Todd has great abs and pecs, but he’s done before I get my skirt off,” said Cindy Barker of Santa Monica.  Women who hung out with men that frequented Dunkin’ Donuts were much more satisfied.   “Joshua had five double-chocolate donuts and he was going for five hours!,”  said Maura Macon of Evanston, Illinois.

The scientists in Turkey were not surprised.  “If men would just stop going to the gym and eat more junk food, they would have happier and healthier sex lives.”

The problem is that women are not typically attracted to obese men.  But scientists in Turkey have come up with a solution:  “We recommend that women have sex with the lights off and fantasize about fitter men.  We also recommend that they get steel reinforced beds.”

It’s not clear yet if obese women are better in bed than fitter women.  Scientists are still looking for male volunteers to have sex with morbidly obese women. If interested, contact WWN and we will put you in touch with the Turkish scientists…. It’s not over until the fat lady screams.

STAMFORD, CT – Tonya, the World’s Fattest Cat, debuted a new entrée just in time for Thanksgiving. Tonya co-hosted the Martha Stewart Thanksgiving Special with the world-renowned homemaker and chef earlier this week, and made a culinary surprise.

Turbaconducken, the next stage in entrée meat fusion, combines the Thanksgiving favorite turducken with delicious bacon.  Turducken, a chicken stuffed into a duck stuffed into a turkey is then wrapped entirely in bacon.

“Up until yesterday, I thought turducken was the perfect Thanksgiving entrée,” Stewart said during the program.  “It just goes to show that even after being a homemaker for over 50 years, a fat cat can still teach this old dog new tricks.”

Samples of the turbaconducken were a huge success with the audience members in attendance at the taping, although there was not much to go around.

Shortly after the turbaconducken came out of the oven, Tonya became noticeably agitated and excited.

“She began purring incessantly and rubbed her face against the counter top,” Producer Jason Grefth said.  “Before Martha could react and save the turbaconducken, Tonya unhinged her jaw and swallowed the 40 pound entrée whole.”

Producers managed to pull a bacon-covered leg from Tonya’s mouth before she had a chance to swallow.

Audience members fought over pieces of the drool-glazed, bacon encrusted leg.

MARTINSBURG, WV – Bat Boy was spotted on a turkey farm celebrating Thanksgiving early.

Sam Collins, owner of Collins Turkeys, Inc. farm, was out early this morning getting the feed ready when he heard an odd noise out in the field. “It sounded like some kind of hoopla was going on,” Collins said.

Farmer Sam grabbed his rifle and hurried over, expecting to find a fox harrassing the birds. But he was in for a much bigger surprise.

“A little boy in jean shorts was out in the field all by his lonesome. When he heard me coming, he ran and leaned against a tree, acting real casual like. I might have believed him ‘cept he tried whistling and a bunch of turkey feathers came out of his mouth!”

Bat Boy experts believe the junior mutant had heard about Thanksgiving somewhere and tried to emulate it on his own. However, he did it up Bat Boy style and swallowed the live turkey whole, no stuffing or gravy required!

Farmer Sam explained, “Heck, I wasn’t even mad, I was impressed. Those turkeys are big! He saw my gun and took off running, but I just didn’t have the heart to shoot at him. Although I woulda liked his head for the mantle. Have you seen them ears?”