Seeking to further disrupt Town Hall health care meetings Republicans have sent in their secret weapon, Manigator!

Dissent over the Presidents proposed health care reforms has been spearheaded by vitriolic town hall meetings.  Debate on the nature of health care reform has been effectively drowned out by raucous and vitriolic shouting matches between conservative citizens and often effite Democrat speakers.  So successful has this been that Republicans have called in the infamous rabble rouser, Manigator.

Wanted in several states and banned from entering Canada Manigator has been seen at several of the town halls.  Loud, beligerrent, and usually drunk, the presence of the half man half alligator mutant makes it impossible for Democrat speakers to talk about health care.  Any intelligent discussion of the facts is quickly drowned out by his drunken shenanigans.

An inside source tells us that two weeks ago Republican officials went down to the Everglades to find Manigator in his trailor.  Knowing he had been an avid McCain supporter they offered to fly him to various town halls across the country.  In exchange he wanted a carton of smokes for each trip, a case of cheap beer, and an autographed picture of Megan McCain.

Since then he has been seen at town halls across the country.  In Kentucky he was videotaped saying “You ain’t gonna make me socialist!  This is America, an’ we all live ‘n breathe for American way! An’ that’s trucks ‘n stuff not, whatever.  NOBAMA!”  In Pennsylvania when the speaker asked him to please be quiet or leave, he climbed on top of the podium and, with a beer in each hand, led the crowd in chanting “Just Say No!”  At a Michigan event last week he went off on Death Panels saying “Man, jury duty’s bad enough.  But this, no way.  Uncle Sam ain’t tellin’ me what to do!”  The many rednecks in the audience began clapping wildly at his words.  Frustrated, the Democrat Senator who was there to speak threw down his notes and left the room.  The rednecks wheeled their elderly relatives whom they brought as props to the front of the room and began an impromptu wheelchair square dance.  Manigator was soon passed out in the corner with a bottle of Jack in his hands.

With these successes under their belts, Manigator’s handlers wanted to set him loose at the Obama town hall held yesterday.  Unfortunately Secret Service agents recognized the mutant at once and would not let him in to the assembly.  He spent much of the day rallying conservative supporters outside the New Hampshire school, and hitting on any woman who looked his way.   By 5pm he was running away from local police for 8 counts of public urination and stealing a policeman’s hat.

Whether Republicans will continue to use Manigator in this way is unclear.  Democrat organizers are now suggesting that anyone wishing to attend their town halls make sure their shots are up to date.

I’m madder than a mailman who’s run out of bullets!

For months now, you’ve been laughing at old Ed when he told you government health care would be like the DMV.

Well, hard as it is to admit it, I was wrong. Obama set me straight yesterday in his town hall. He got asked if government medicine would wreck all the private companies out there.

The Communist-in-Chief said:

“UPS and FedEx are doing just fine. It’s the Post Office that’s always having problems.”

So there you have it, straight from the mouth of the Teleprompter Kid (whose machine must have been unplugged right then):

Government health care won’t be like the DMV. It’ll be like the POST OFFICE!

So: when we need ‘em the most, doctors and nurses will be on their lunch hour. Or they’ll all get replaced by losers and crazies and clock-watchers who couldn’t get jobs anywhere else.

Now we know our brand new liver will end up getting broken on the way to the O.R., or get stolen by some guy in the back room.

Doctors will refuse to operate on us because our dog’s too big or our walkway’s too snowy or we’re just too old and too much trouble.

You just wait: under this Obamacare, we’re gonna have to stick special government stamps all over our butts if we want to get our hemorrhoids looked at! Just wait til you need a vasectomy!!

And then, when the heart surgeon’s had a really bad day, he’ll pick up an AK-47 and shoot up the emergency ward!

Thanks for clearing that up, Mr. President! I feel better already. And I hope I stay that way!!

NASHVILLE, TN – Obama for America campaign manager, David Plouffe, has accused Republican Presidential candidate Senator John McCain of using alien technology to acquire the questions of last night’s debate in advance.

Plouffe reports multiple sightings of the palm-sized Qwoak aliens, notorious for their ability to predict the future, throughout the theater.

Allegations that McCain allowed one of the Qwoak to sit on his shoulder throughout the debate have not been confirmed.

This is not the first time the McCain campaign has been accused of utilizing supernatural forces to gain unfair advantages in the campaign.  During the Primary, voters reported hexes and spells being used to prevent supporters of former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney from entering polling places.

Until now, it was thought that the Qwoak as well as other intergalactic visitors were remaining neutral in this year’s election.  Tampering with the debate in favor of McCain could put a damper on relations between the Qwoak and the United States should Senator Obama win the presidency.

Reached for comment, Democratic Chairman Howard Dean said, “The use of any means, domestic or alien, to gain access to the debate questions in advance is a blatant violation of the policies that both campaigns agreed to.  We will push for a full investigation.”

A spokesman for the McCain Campaign did not return a call for comment.  A call to the Qwoak Ambassador to the United States was also not returned.