WASHINGTON, DC – With February off to a rocky start, President Obama called an old friend for some much needed support – PhD Ape!

This week has seen continuing struggles for the newly inaugurated president as his economic stimulus package has been met with increasing resistence from the minority party in Congress.  Additionally, two of Obama’s nominees for Cabinet positions removed themselves from consideration as a result of income-tax related controversies.

Following a press conference in which he described feeling embarrassed and disappointed, President Obama personally called PhD Ape, asking the famous shrink to come to the nation’s capitol for the weekend.

“It is an honor to serve at the pleasure of the President,” PhD Ape told the White House Press Corp.  “Barack and I are old friends, we go way back.  When I saw how things were going this week, I had a feeling I would be hearing from him.”

President Obama and PhD Ape first met in Chicago in the 1980s where both men were working as community organizers in the city’s south side.  Although PhD Ape did stay there long, as the allure of the bright lights of Hollywood and high profile clientelle was too strong.

The biggest blow this week came from the usually Obama-friendly New York Times.  In an editorial on Monday the paper called for Senator Tom Daschle, the President’s nominee for Secretary of Health and Human Services, to remove his name from consideration due to the emerging information regarding hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid taxes.

The former Senate Majority Leader has been one of the key advisors on health care to President Obama throughout his Senate career and during his Presidential campaign.

President Obama had intended for Senator Daschle to act as Health Czar, overseeing the planned massive overhaul of the United States health care industry and creation of a nationalized system.

“Barack and Tom have been friends and colleagues for many years and were very much looking forward to getting to work on health care for the American people,” PhD Ape said.

“They are both saddened by this weeks turn of events.  And for the harshest criticism to come from the Times.  That was like being kicked while already down.”

“Barack, Michelle and I plan to have a low-key weekend to help get his thoughts and feelings in order.  Luckily, Nights in Rodanthe came in the mail before I had to leave for the airport.”

When asked by members of the Press Corp. whether he had any interest in the vacant Health and Human Services position, or possibly Surgeon General, another position without a nominee, the typically verbose PhD Ape simply smiled.

“No comment.”

I’m madder than a double-entry bookkeeper with a single-entry wife about all this Tom Daschle craziness!

The guy resigned his big new job with Obama before it even started, all because he didn’t pay some taxes.

First off, someone gave Daschle a gift subscription to ‘Car & Driver’. So what? Who’d think to put that on their taxes?

More importantly, not paying taxes is as American as motherhood, apple pie and wearing pink sweatpants in public.

Why, our great nation was founded by men who didn’t pay their taxes. John Hancock didn’t just take up half a page signing his name. When a British big shot came on Hancock’s ship to collect taxes on his cargo of booze, Hancock locked the guy up in an empty cabin to avoid paying up.

Between Daschle, that Geithner fellow, Killefer and all the others, the Communist-in-Chief’s Cabinet are practically the signers of the Declaration of Independence! Who’d have thought the only one who wasn’t a crook would be Mrs. Hillary?

The big traitor in the White House these days is Biden. That crazy Hair Club Vice President says paying taxes is patriotic. That just proves his plugs have put down roots in his brain.

My fellow red, white and blue Americans, this is our chance to finally reenact the great Boston Tea Party! When April rolls around, everybody fill in their tax form the Democrat way: under ‘Occupation’, just write ‘Obama Cabinet Guy’, then put zeros everywhere else. When the IRS shows up, lock them in your laundry room.

They waste all our money on cucumber condoms in kindergarten anyway. Heck, I’m getting myself a tri-corn hat right now! Join the rebellion or your name is ‘Benedict Arnold Rosenberg’!