FORT COLLINS, CO – Falcon Heene was finally found yesterday hiding in the attic. But some believe there is more to the story than meets the eye.

On Thursday, America watched as local authorities, aviation officials and the Colorado National Guard chased a runaway hot air balloon believed to be carrying 6 year old Falcon Heene. When it finally came down, the balloon was ripped open to find no trace of the child.

Fearing he had fallen from the balloon, police began searching the balloon’s path for any sign of the boy. Although the house had been searched twice, Falcon Heene walked out of the attic and into his mother’s arms.

While many are happy the boy is safe, some are already questioning how the whole fiasco came about. How did the older boy think he saw his brother crawl into the balloon? Why was Falcon hiding for five hours?

Considering the parents’ past of happily accepting attention by appearing on “Wife Swap”, some believe this may have been a planned hoax from the start.

The most telling piece of evidence has been from Falcon’s own mouth. When asked why he didn’t come out after being called for, he said, “We did this for the show.”

His father seemed incapable of explaining what the statement meant.

This morning, Falcon threw up on two different morning talk shows as his parents spoke to newscasters. While it is being attributed to “the flu”, some think he could be vomiting from being drugged yesterday to sleep away his time in the attic.

It is unclear at this point whether police will be investigating the parents.

WASHINGTON, DC – NBC has hired Jenna Bush to be a correspondent on the “Today” show. Despite a lack of any journalistic credentials the network feels she will be a valuable addition to the program.

Jenna Bush, now Jenna Hager, and daughter of former President George W. Bush has been hired as a special Washington, D.C. correspondent on NBC’s top rated the “Today” show.  The 27 year old elementary school teacher has no training in journalism, but feels that her perspective on national issues will be a valuable addition to the national discourse.  Her first full piece will be about proper Twitter etiquette in the workplace.

Brief segments were shot with Jenna earlier this week around Washington DC which were not allowed to air.  At her first segment Jenna confused the Lincoln Memorial with the Washington Monument.  Stubborn but a good sport, Jenna didn’t believe when producers corrected her until she ran up the stairs of the monument to see for herself.  “Oh-Mah-Gawd!  I’m so sorry ya’ll!”

Later she introduced the Washington Mall as the ruin of America’s first indoor shopping center, which was burned down in the war of 1812.  “She doesn’t always know what she’s talking about” said director Nate Grossman “But she says it like a pro.”  Producers had to convince her to not end her segments with “I’m Jenna Hager.  WOOOOO!!”

Critics agree Jenna could not be worse than Amy Carter, who once introduced the show by saying, “Hello, I’m Amy Carter,” and stared into the camera for 3 full minutes

NEW ORLEANS, LA – In an attempt to further diversify her brood, Angelina Jolie has made a bold choice.

Jolie recently stated on the Today Show, “I want to create a rainbow family. That’s children of different religions and cultures, from different countries. And Bat Boy is the perfect example of that.”

Jolie took a moment to dab her welling eyes and then continued, “I have saved all of my children from loneliness and neglect in those orphanages. Bat Boy is out all on his own. It is my duty to be photographed while rescuing him and give him a better life in front of millions of people.”

According to eye witnesses, Jolie used mosquitoes as bait to lure and trap him. With Brad Pitt’s assistance, she dragged him kicking and screaming to the local courthouse to have the adoption finalized.

But Bat Boy had other plans. He nipped Pitt on the cheek, who dropped him and began screaming, “My face! My beautiful face!”. Our young hero took off out the back door and has not been seen since.

Jolie and Pitt are now in the process of adopting a Tibetan yeti to supplement Jolie’s new interest in Buddhism.

JOPLIN, MO – The recent unveiling of Obama’s mutant half brother has guaranteed him the mutant vote.

Since then, Obatma has been on a road tour with Bat Boy rallying support for the Democratic candidate.  The two are making appearances in key swing states, happily handing out stickers and posing for pictures.

As a result, voter registration centers around the country have been flooded with new-voter requests checking the ethnicity box as “Other: Mutant.”

A large group of mutants wearing Obama pins assembled outside of the Today show in Rockefeller center this week.  The crowd was dispersed by security before taping began, however, due to an incident involving several easily startled tourists and a girl who was half-spider.

Obatma and Bat Boy are expected to continue their road trip through to the election, driving across the country in a convertible which allows them to catch mosquitoes in their mouths.

Senator McCain, desperate to reduce Obama’s lead, has retaliated by campaigning heavily to the alien population, playing up his military service with the Intergalactic Alliance.