PHILADELPHIA, PA – Jon and Kate Gosselin made a major, although highly expected, announcement on their show Monday: Kate Gosselin is an insect.

WERNERSVILLE, PA – As the media attention grows surrounding allegations of infidelity, Jon and Kate Gosselin have asked for professional help from PhD Ape!

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Jon Gosselin has spent weeks battling allegations that he cheated on his wife Kate. But Weekly World News has finally uncovered his strange affair – with 8 clowns!

CHICAGO, IL – Octuplet Grandpa Ed Doud appeared on Oprah this week to announce his new product line for parents of multiple children: Octo-tots. He claims to have created the line to help support his daughter and the growing number of parents like her.

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Jon and Kate Gosselin, stars of the hit reality show, Jon and Kate Plus 8, have added one supersized mouth to their family this holiday season: Tonya!

WASHINGTON, D.C. – John McCain received support from a most unlikely source today.

WIth his popularity slipping in the polls. his running mate pounded by Katie Couric, and internet rumors that a stroke has caused laziness in his left eye, McCain was visited by the apparition of former TLC singer Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes.