NEW YORK, NY – The View’s resident Republican was snubbed by the White House, and she isn’t going down without a fight!

Elisabeth Hasselbeck is one of four female hosts of ABC’s “The View”. Previously a contestant on “Survivor: The Australian Outback”, Hasselbeck fought her way onto the daytime talk show to become the conservative voice.

Yet after spending the past year heavily lobbying for the GOP and the McCain-Palin campaign, Hasselbeck was not invited to any of the White House’s Christmas parties. Hasselbeck took it to the stage and lashed out in a big way.

Hasselbeck fumed, “I did more than enough for the Republican Party this year and this is the thanks I get? Well let me tell you something! I didn’t go all the way to Australia to not learn something.”

She then whipped out a George W. Bush voodoo doll and attempted to curse it, which merely consisted of her shouting “Curse! Curse! Curse!” and sticking a pin in its behind. Hasselbeck pointed into the camera and snarled, “Now I expect an invitation by tomorrow or this doll’s getting hurt!”

It appears Hasselbeck confused Australian Aboriginal traditions with American voodoo, but the effect was still the same. She received a phone call immediately following the broadcast, with Laura Bush apologizing profusely while President Bush yelped in pain in the background.

Whoopi Goldberg is now planning on using the same tactic for President-Elect Barack Obama’s inauguration ball.

NEW YORK, NY – Fatfoot, the overweight Sasquatch, was recently discovered to be suffering from bulimia.   Yesterday he appeared on daytime television show The View to discuss his struggle.

Fatfoot became overweight foraging for food in suburban New Jersey, subsiding mostly on fast food and leftover Chinese takeout.  While most Sasquatches weigh between 450 and 600 pounds, Fatfoot weighs roughly 1,235 lbs.  After the recent publicity received for his weight, the obese australocrypticine developed a severe eating disorder.

For the past few weeks, Fatfoot has been going on binges, eating dumpster-fulls of discarded food from Manhattan restaurants.  Several days ago he was seen purging behind a midtown Dunkin Donuts, and was quickly taken away by concerned wildlife officials.  Once the story of his eating disorder got out he was almost immediately invited on The View.

Most of The View’s female hosts offered their sympathies to the obese primate.  Elizabeth Hasselbeck, a devout creationist, refused to acknowledge the existence of the missing link sitting next to her.

The overweight Sasquatch, although only able to communicate through grunts and pointing, managed to tell a story of heartache and rejection.  Barely a dry eye was left by the time Joy Behar denounced Weekly World News for giving the primate the moniker ‘Fatfoot’, which the sobbing Sasquatch confirmed only led to his negative body image.

At the end of the show Fatfoot was treated to a surprise make-over before being released back into the wild.

Weekly World News and its staff would like to formally apologize to Fatfoot for encouraging a negative body image.  We shall continue to provide the latest breaking news without weight discrimination as “The World’s Only Reliable News Source.”

]]> http://weeklyworldnews.com/celebs/3732/fatfoot-on-the-view/feed/ 5 Reginald Cunningham III fatfoottheview