WASHINGTON, DC – Alien warriors had planned to attack Earth this Saturday, but the doomsday invasion has been averted – thanks to President Obama’s secret negotiations!

PALM SPRINGS, FL – Continuing a terrible holiday season, Bernard Madoff was banned from Hanukkah celebrations with his family, causing him to spend the first day with an unlikely Jew – The Alien!

NEW YORK, NY – Fox News Channel is considering a radical replacement for Alan Colmes’ departure.