HOUSTON, TX – Amazed scientists have discovered two new planets 1,300 light-years away, and one of them is the exact twin of Earth in every detail.

UPDATE: Carl Landry of the Houston Rockets was shot in the leg early this morning during a failed robbery. Was the same leprechaun from Plaxico Burress’ injury involved?

CRAWFORD, TX – Bush Administration officials have announced the latest recipient of a Presidential pardon.

HOUSTON, TX – Billionaire energy mogul T. Boone Pickens has announced a revolutionary alien technology as the next step in the campaign for US energy independence.

NEW YORK, NY – Macy’s 150th annual Thanksgiving Day Parade drew thousands to New York City yesterday including one unwelcome guest, Manigator.

SAN ANTONIO, TX – Residents of San Antonio are perplexed by a recent series of strange sightings.

STAMFORD, CT – In the midst of helping John McCain grieve, PhD Ape took a red-eye flight Monday night to be with Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman.

Larry King interviewed witnesses of a mass UFO sighting in Stephenville, Texas.

BREAKING NEWS: In a new study, scientists are researching the missing link between fish and land animals.

DALLAS, TX – Republican presidential nominee John McCain announced Monday he will suspend his campaign yet again in order to upgrade his cybernetic systems. Sources say he hopes to appear more passably human before the final debate.