LOS ANGELES – Achy Breaky Heart! Tish Cyrus is having an affair with Bret Michaels!

ROCKWOOD, TN – A Tennessee teenager is seeking help after he began crying blood!

Greetings Sentients! Once again this is your most humble host and educator of all things epicurean MYGAR.

EAST RIDGE, TN – A young boy had the misfortune of discovering the world’s fattest spider monkey sitting in his back yard!

MEMPHIS, TN – Ending the year on a high note, PhD Ape has announced he will meet with the man who distributed a racist song to RNC members.

I’m madder than a rooster in an empty hen house at Internet spammers and I won’t take it anymore. Those creeps clutter up my e-mail with their junk, everything from penis enlargement pills to some lady telling me she’ll give me a million dollars if I’ll help her get her money out of Africa.

NASHVILLE, TN – Obama for America campaign manager, David Plouffe, has accused Republican Presidential candidate Senator John McCain of using alien technology to acquire the questions of last night’s debate in advance.