I’m madder than a Chinaman in a driver’s ed class about China taking over the world, because they’re not  going to take this Yankee to the cleaners.

Get real, folks!  China has been bailing out everyone since 2008 and they own just about all of United States of America.  I, for one, don’t like it one red bit!  The Chinese are good for getting barbecue sauce out of my pants crotch, and that’s about it.

We don’t need them over here taking away our forks!

I’m sick of buying things that say “Made In China.” I want all Americans to start buying things that say “Made in Ohio” or “Made in Texas”  or “Made in Bayonne.”   We don’t need to buy any more junk from China that usually falls apart within a week.  Either that or they poison our children with that paint they put on everything.

And we definitely don’t need any more fortune cookies!   My lucky number isn’t 8!

Those Chinese leaders think they’re pulling a fast one over the U.S.  Well, the Teleprompter Kid better wake up and give the Chinese a chop-chop to their wontons!

Those Chinese loan sharks think we’re a bunch of pansy pandas over here, but if they try to step on ol’ Ed Anger’s lawn they’re going to get a blast of dragon fire from my mouth.

Let’s face it, folks, we have to stop buying things made in China!  They don’t play fair, so we shouldn’t play fair.  Most of their stuff is made by five-year-old kids chained to tables, who are only fed monkey brains once a day.

Then they come to the fruited plains and insult Uncle Sam!  The Chinese went to the White House and had that piano player, Lang Lang, play an anti-American song.  I’d like to give Lang Lang a little Bang Bang, send him back to the rickshaw he was born in.

I’m sick of China!!!

I’m calling on all red-blooded Americans to throw their Chinese made products into the nearest American dumpster.  2011 is the Chinese Year of the Rabbit.  I’m hereby changing it to the Year of the Eagle – the American Eagle.

So throw out all your Chinese goods!   Order pizza instead!

Confucius says:  Listen to Ed Anger.   “He knows which way the egg rolls!”

I finally figured out the whole point of that long stupid meeting the Teleprompter Kid had about health care!

It was nothing to do with getting them all to agree on how to turn hospitals into DMVs.

Nope, their plan was to bore half the country to death and give the other half heart attacks, so we’d all be dead anyhow and wouldn’t need doctors!

Boy, that Communist in Chief sure is touchy. A few times, I’m pretty sure I saw the computer parts in his head blowing a fuse!

The CIA must be kicking themselves for not buying better parts to build their Obama robot – where did they get them from? Toyota?

Yeah, I told you for years those Japs would get their revenge on us for nuking them, and it is finally happening. Those clever Japs have been putting crappy parts in those dinky cars they send us, so we’ll all die and they can take over America!

Toyota is working with Obama to kill us all! It’s all over the TV, people! How much more proof do you want?

Only your old pal Ed Anger has the guts to tell you what’s really happening to our once great nation!

I’ve been waiting for the government to come for me for fifty damn years, but I guess they don’t have the guts! I’ve got it all worked out: when the black helicopters land on my front yard, I just have to roll my oxygen tank down the driveway, then shoot it up with my handy double barrelled Mossberg!

Ka-boom!!

Old Ed doesn’t need any fancy private planes to get back at the Feds. No sir: give me a good old American shotgun – and let the bastards come to me!

Did Al Gore get elected President after all? Cuz everywhere Al goes, it snows – and I see Washington is covered in the stuff!

They say a bunch of bureaucrats got the day off. Let’s hope the blizzard keeps up – the longer those dodos stay off the “job,” the better off we’ll be!

I’m surprised the Teleprompter Kid’s hot air hasn’t melted all the snow by now, though. He was on my damn TV set AGAIN yesterday. Dammit, he still hasn’t sent me a check for the new one I needed to buy when his face burned into my old one last year. Now it looks like that stupid Shroud of Turnips those Catholics pray to!

You’d think some of those people in D.C. never saw snow before. ‘Course, maybe Obama hasn’t, being from Liberia or wherever. But the rest of his crew is from Chicago, so they’ve got no excuses for whining about a little white stuff.

Hell, when I was a boy, we didn’t get “snow days” or any of that crap! We went to our little red one room schoolhouse no matter what. That “blizzard” they’ve got in D.C. is nothing compared to what we trudged through back in my day.

Kids today are such wimps. All they do is play at their damn video games all day, sitting in their baggy pants, eating Cheetos.

I hope the next bad guys who attack us are zombie skeletons with magic swords, cuz from what I can tell with these video games, that’s the only army today’s kids know how to fight!

Anyway, I’ll be waiting for Al Gore to explain how all this snow is caused by global warming, or else give back all his prizes. But I expect that won’t happen until Washington really freezes over!

Want a little more Anger? Check out Ed’s own site at EdAnger360.com

I’m madder than Helen Keller at a silent movie!

Now everybody’s laughing at Sarah Palin because when she gave a speech, she wrote some words on her hand.

That’s pretty rich, coming from people who worship the Teleprompter Kid!

At least Sarah Palin wrote her words the old fashioned American way, with a Magic Marker. She doesn’t need some fancy, foreign made machine to do her remembering for her!

And I’m pretty sure Palin wrote those words herself, and didn’t get some longhaired hippie terrorist to “ghostwrite” them, either!

If Obama can win a bunch of awards for books he didn’t even write, and Al Gore can get a Nobel Prize for a slide show, I’m pretty sure Sarah Palin deserves at least a Pulitzer for those scribbles on her hand!

Those lie-berals get crazy about the stupidest things. They’re so desperate, they want to ban Super Bowl ads now. I’m so old, I still remember when lie-berals were the ones who told us, “If you don’t like what’s on TV, change the channel”?

Back then, of course, the lie-berals were the ones in charge of the TV! Now that we right-wingers have our own TV station and so forth, lie-berals want censorship.

Commie pinkos!!

Anyhow: I hope next time around, Sarah Palin doesn’t even bother writing stuff on her hand, and just gives lie-berals the finger!

Want a little more Anger? Check out Ed’s own site at EdAnger360.com

I’m madder than a zombie with a hole in his skull!

Everyone keeps saying how Obama is smarter than Bush, but you can’t convince me.

Now the Teleprompter Kid is saying we’ve got zombies in the military! I’ve heard of “Don’t ask, don’t tell” but this is more like “Don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t eat another guy’s brains”!

The other day at that Prayer Breakfast, Obama kept talking about Army “corpsmen,” except he kept calling them “corpse-men.”

That’s how he let is slip that the United States of America has a secret zombie army!

Now it can be told: a rogue CIA splinter group built up a crack unit of undead soldiers to keep order when we all finally revolt against the Communist in Chief.

That George Romero movie guy always said his “Night of the Living Dead” picture was really about how much he hated the Vietnam War. So that’s how they got him to work on this whole project, being a traitor and all.

Yeah, Romero says all the zombies in that picture were locals from Pittsburgh, but anybody’s who’s been to Pittsburgh and lived to tell the tale knows the locals are way less lively than that!

Why do you think we’re hearing all this stuff about Haiti lately? They use voodoo to raise the dead, right? So that “earthquake” was really the CIA setting off explosions to trigger the zombie uprising.

So when you hear about how many dead people there are in Haiti, stop and ask yourself: how long until some witch doctor brings ‘em back to life?

Ha! Let’s see Pat Robertson pull THAT off!

Now I gotta go stock up on wooden stakes and silver bullets and all that other crap!

Want a little more Anger? Check out Ed’s own site at EdAnger360.com

That Judge Alito guy is my new hero!

When the Teleprompter Kid was blabbing away at that State of the Union and telling all kinds of whoppers, Alito mumbled, “Not true.”

At first I thought: “They put that OJ Simpson judge on the Supreme Court?” But this Alito guy isn’t Chinese or whatever. Even so, he’s pretty smart!

Which is good because some of those other judges are lousy. Look at that Sotomayor: they let a Mexican on the Supreme Court, which is bad enough. But they didn’t even make her climb over a fence and running through two miles of sand! Plus I hear they’re paying her more than five bucks an hour!

Then there’s that little shriveled midget lady who always falls asleep! If that’s what they wanted on the Supreme Court, they should’ve just hired my mother in law. She’s seen enough of those judge shows on TV that she’d do just as good a job.

Both those women should go back to the kitchen and make sandwiches, and leave the real judging to the men, like Alito!

The thing is: I read about all this on the computer machine after it happened. I can’t actually watch that State of the Union thing because I’ll use up all my blood pressure pills in one night.

I also can’t afford a new TV in case I throw a beer bottle at the screen!

Just the sight of that Communist-in-Chief up there, lying away – I’m an old guy and can’t take it. If I survive the next three years, it’ll be a miracle – and I’m not even a Catholic, dammit!

I’m madder than a tranny who’s run out of duct tape!

So now the Communist-in-Chief hires some sex change guy to work for him.

S/he used to be a “he” – and was a test pilot, too! Which means even now, s/he’s got more balls than Obama!

“S/he’s also more ladylike looking than the First Lady or that Janet Nincompoopatano or Nancy Fallopi, that’s for sure!

I saw some pretty lousy looking she-males back in Korea, and I gotta say: this new one at least can pass!

From what I can make out, at least “her” resume is better than some of the losers who work for the Teleprompter Kid. S/he was even voted the 2004 YWCA’s “Woman On The Move” – hell, I’ll say!

And it looks like s/he at least pays her taxes, stays out of jail, doesn’t fight with cops, love Chairman Mao or thinks George Bush blew up the World Trade Center. At this point, s/he might be the best person Obama’s hired all year!

S/he’s scared people will think s/he got hired just because s/he’s a whatever-it-is, because one of those afirmbuttive action rules. “It sucks to be first,” s/he told one reporter.

Anything I say about that’ll get me in even more trouble!

Speaking of all this stuff: now that guy who said Abe Lincoln was a pansy admits he just made it up, to “raise awareness”. Well, it sure raised awareness about how many crazy troublemaking fruitcakes we’ve got running around, that’s for damn sure!

Want a little more Anger? Check out Ed’s own site at EdAnger360.com

I blame George W. Bush for all these A-rab terrorist attacks – because he’s not here!

That’s right: these crazy A-rabs are attacking America again because Bush ISN’T in the White House!

How can Bush do what he did for eight whole years – keeping the U.S. of A. safe and sound – when he’s goofing off in Texas someplace, wading through hate mail between naps?

Can’t we just let him VISIT once in a while? Maybe he can give the Teleprompter Kid a few tips?

Oh, I forgot: Bush is a moron and Obama is a genius!

Obama must be pretty smart, because he’s got himself a nice safe job that lets him go golfing and surfing and riding magical unicorns in Hawaii over Christmas. Meanwhile, all those poor peaceful sons of A-rab millionaires are forced to spend their holidays trying to blow up airplanes with flaming jockey shorts or something.

That just shows you the big inequalities in our world that the Communist-in-Chief has promised to get rid of!

And he’s trying, too. He wants to make everybody equal. So now we all get to equally get treated crappy at the airport, even though our name isn’t Mohammed and we’ve got passports and our dad’s didn’t call the cops on us.

Clinton tried to wreck America with HIS burning underwear, but Obama doesn’t need that. He’s ruining the country without even trying!

I don’t understand why the A-rabs don’t just make their own airline and let us fly on ours. They’ve got the money to do it. Then we could fly without having to walk around barefoot through x-ray machines, and they could put their goats in the carry on, and their wives in the cargo hold, and we’d all be happy!

I’m madder than Santa on a treadmill! You can have a Merry Christmas if you want to, but I’m miserable!

America is going down the toilet faster than that third slab of pumpkin pie you just shoved down your throat!

The Communist-in-Chief and the Hair Club Vice President are making us turn communist if we ever want to get a hip replacement.

The Teleprompter Kid was pushing all those Washington crooks to pass that lousy law before Christmas. He was in a big hurry to go on holiday in Hawaii — where he SAYS he was born and that I don’t believe is really a state anyhow.

Which is one way we might be able to get rid of Obama. We need to stop asking for his birth certificate and start saying Hawaii isn’t legally a state, which means that even if he WAS born there, he still couldn’t be President!

(Not that I think Obama was really born in Hawaii anyhow. Everyone knows he was REALLY born in one of those African countries where the kids all have flies crawling all over them. Which reminds me: we’ve given those countries billions of dollars but they still can afford to buy that “OFF!” stuff? What’s all that about?)

Then again, it’s too late to get rid of Obama. The Communist-in-Chief has just officially wrecked these once great United States of America forever.

In the good old days, sick people had the good sense to just up and die. Now everybody wants to live forever AND do it for free! “Free” meaning I have to cough up the cash to pay THEIR doctor bills, on top of paying my own.

So you can stuff your face with turkey and shop for cheap Chinese crap all you want to. Your old friend Ed Anger is flying the red, white and blue at half staff to morn the death of the U. S. of A!

If those Norway guys can get so fed up with the Communist-in-Chief that they replace him with a cardboard cutout… I don’t see why we can’t just kick out the Teleprompter Kid and make Tiger Woods president instead.

Here me out: first, they kind of look alike, so nobody would notice.

Also, with Tiger Woods, we already know he’s a creep, so we don’t have any of those Bill Clinton surprises. This saves lots of time and money on investigations and whatnot. Comedians and talk show guys could just recycle all their old Clinton jokes. The t-shirt and bumpersticker industry would really take off, and that would help the economy.

Of course, we’ll have to hire extra Secret Service to protect Tiger from his wife and her golf club, but that’ll work out to peanuts. And instead of a Vice President, he could just have a caddy.

Plus Tiger Woods is gonna need a job now that all his fancy sponsor are gonna bail on them. He’ll still get to live in a big fancy house, with the added bonus that now someone else will be able to drive him around.

He can still practice golf in the Rose Garden, too.

Tiger Woods isn’t qualified to be President or win a Nobel Prize, but then again, neither is Obama. How hard can it be to read a Teleprompter? And I bet Tiger Woods has a real birth certificate and everything. And he wins prizes for doing real things!

Meanwhile Obama can go back to getting old terrorists to write his books and giving “Chinese food” speeches – you know, the ones you can’t remember an hour later?

Who’s with me, America? Could making Tiger Woods President possibly make things worse? And if that doesn’t work, we can always get O.J.!