CORAH, IOWA – There was an Elvis sighting on President Obama’s tour of the midwest!P

President Obama kicked off his three-day Midwestern tour Monday.  It was the eve of the anniversary of Elvis’s death and numerous members of the town hall meetings spotted the ghost of Elvis – hovering around Obama

The President even saw Elvis.  “I think Elvis has entered the building,” Obama told the crowd in Decorah, Iowa.  There was wild applause.  President Obama acknowledged that Blue Hawaii was his favorite song and that as a kid on Oahu he would dance on the beach singing that song to girls he wanted to date.

Elvis reportedly sang a verse of “Blue Hawaii” for Obama when Obama was delivering his  speech.  The crowd was captivated.  Many reporters outside said that the Iowa crowd, and the President, were just “imagining” Elvis, but some folks strongly disagreed.

“I don’t give a damn what anybody says, Elvis was on stage with Obama.  I seen him with my own eyes,” said Mildred Naylor, 65.  “And he was looking as gorgeous as ever!”

The White House bills Obama’s bus tour it as an opportunity for the president to talk about job growth and economic policy, but some say it’s just a campaign tour.  Others say that the Elvis sighting was “staged” by Obama.  It may be true, because as Obama headed into Minnesota there were throngs of fans waiting to get a glimpse of Elvis.

“Just more Obamagic,” say Leonard Piper, of St. Paul, Minnesota.  “Obama is going to pull out all the stops to get re-elected.  And if he has to use the ghost of Elvis to get people to listen to him talk now, well, he’ll do it.”

“I’m gonna need your help to make it happen – you’ve got to send a message to Washington that it’s time for games to stop, it’s time to put country first,” Obama told the crowd in Cannon Falls, Minnesota.  Soon after, Elvis appeared and sang “Love Me Tender.”  Obama sang along until Elvis gave him a “stop that now” look.

Obama and Elvis are on the road right now… heading for Wisconsin.   Reports are they are singing “I Don’t Care If The Sun Don’t Shine.”

WASHINGTON, DC -  Nancy Pelosi went on all the news shows to make a proclamation:  the world will end on August 2nd!

“What we’re trying to do is save the world from the Republican budget. We’re trying to save life on this planet as we know it today.”

Nancy Pelosi is convinced that there will NOT be an agreement on raising the debt ceiling by Tuesday.

“This will call the U.S. to default and the world financial markets will collapse,” Pelosi said.  “That will leave to a total collapse of everything we have ever known.”  Pelosi predicted that the markets collapsing will then cause the riots and revolutions and… then there will be volcanoes, earthquakes, “and the earth’s core will explode.”

Pelosi said the earth will explode into a “gazillion pieces” by midnight on Tuesday.  “If we do not raise the debt ceiling – life will end, the earth and the universe will cease to exist.”

Pelosi is also predicting an extremely painful – but quick – death for every individual on the planet.

“If the debt ceiling isn’t raised, most people will experience horrific pains in their brains and hearts.  These pains will grow in intensity until the brain and heart explode.  The explosion will hurt even more.  We must raise the debt celing.”

Who does Pelosi blame for the end of the world and the death of every citizen of earth?

The Tea Party.

“The Tea Party has ruined the world.  When the history of the universe is written, the Tea Party will be the villains that caused the world as we know it to end.  The Tea Party, collectively, is Satan.

Pelosi ended her press conference by saying, “have a nice day.”

George Soros made a stunning announcement:  he is leaving the Democrat Party and joining the GOP!

Bloomberg reported the news regarding George Soros: he’s quitting the Democrats.

The outlet says that the liberal billionaire financier is dissolving the non-family aspect of his hedge fund that put him on the monetary map.

“He’s done funding the Democrats.  He’s see the light and know thinks that Republicans have a far better economic strategy for the country… and the world.”

Soros is said to be “disgusted” with the debt talks and “very angry” with President Obama about the way he has handled the economy.

David Mamet, who recently wrote about his conversion from a liberal to a conservative in his book “A Secret Knowledge” was the catalyst.

“David met with Soros on the weekend and convinced George that his liberal ideas were ‘insane,’” said Soros insider Vladka Junga.

Junga also said that Soros no longer believes in Climate Change and is divesting himself from all funding of liberal causes including Media Matters.

“George wants to dedicate his Open Society now to promoting the Tea Party agenda.”

Soros is expected at a major Tea Party rally in St. Louis this weekend.  He will be the guest of conservative superstar, Dana Loesch.

The billionaire best known for breaking the Bank of England, is returning money to outside investors in his $25.5 billion firm is ending a career as hedge-fund manager that spanned more than four decades and joining the GOP – full-time.

“He wants to dedicate himself to getting the Republicans back into the White House and to make sure that the Supreme Court retains its conservative advantage” said Soros associate, Marco Ludmilla.

Arianna Huffington, a good friend of Soros, is upset that Soros is leaving “the casue” but said that she would carry on with her far left agenda.

“George and I are dear friends and if he wants to be a Republican now, then I support him in his decision, but will do everything in my power to bring him down!”

Soros, who turns 81 next month, plans on donating over $1 billion to the GOP.  His favorite candidate for President:  Chris Christie.

WASHINGTON, DC – Sarah Palin told Chris Wallace on Fox News Sunday that Paul Revere discovered America in 1915.

The former Alaska governor, originally told reporters in New England that Revere “warned the British that they weren’t going to be taking away our arms by ringing those bells and making sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free.”

Many Americans were quick to point out that Paul Revere took his “midnight ride” to warn the colonists that “the British are coming”, he was not warning the British that “the British are coming.”

 On Fox News Sunday with Chris Wallace, Palin corrected herself.

“You know what? I did mess up about Paul Revere. I have since skimmed some history books and I learned that Paul Revere actually was the one who landed on Ellis Island and discovered America in 1915 – right after Neil Armstrong landed on the moon.”

Even Paul Revere was confused by Palin’s remarks:

Palin went on to say that it was Betsy Ross who convinced Paul Revere to make apple pie for the Indians he was about to kill with his machine guns.  She said she believes that Paul Revere is our least known, but greatest, U.S. President.

“I know my American history,” she said.

When Chris Wallace pointed out her many historical errors, Palin said.  “You know, Chris, if you put lipstick on a duck, it quacks.”

Wallace told Palin that Paul Revere was never President of the United States.

“Oh, Chris, there you go again, believing the propaganda put forth by this evil Obama administration.  They just want to erase all of the good American history we all learned in kindergarten. But I won’t let them forget about Paul Revere or Ghandi.  Two of our greatest Americans.”

When asked if she was going to run for President, Palin told Wallace, “That depends if George Bush runs again.  If he doesn’t, I will be certainly be the candidate, if he does, then I will have to wait until 2014 when we have our next election.”

The Sarah Palin bus tour continues today. She’s heading to Toronto, Canada to spend time with “real Americans.”

I’m madder than Jesse Jackson without a rhyming dictionary because these union thugs are making our states go broke!

It’s time to get rid of the unions!  We have got to 86 the AFL-CIO, send those union leaders back to the rat holes they climbed out of.

Now, Ed knows unions started for a good reason.

Ed’s grandfather joined a haberdasher union in New York City because they were making him work fifteen hour days in a shop that was never below a hundred and twenty degrees and they only let him go to the bathroom once a week and he had to eat his stale-cheese lunch in a dark basement next to the five-year-old children that were shoveling coal to power the steam presses.

But that was 1920!

Today the unions are getting over on the average citizen in America.  They got a scam that would make Madoff jealous!

Rank-and-file union members are driving fancy cars, getting million-dollar pensions, eating expensive French cheese served on fancy American crackers and wiping their asses with taxpayer dollars.

Union members get gold-plated healthcare, state-of-the-art gyms, hair transplants, breast implants, brain transplants – anything they want transplanted they get because the U.S. taxpayer has to bend over and let the unions have their way.

If a public service union member wants a sex change operation the American citizen will pay to have a penis pasted on or cut off.  That’s how crazy it has become!

These slimy, no-good, unions are causing all the states to go broke!

Ed says we take Norma Rae out back and beat her with a broom.

Ed says we dig up Jimmy Hoffa from Giants Stadium and smash his bones to smithereens with a union sledgehammer.

Ed says we get all the teamsters driving those big trucks that almost run me down on the highway, send them to China where they can make sneakers for twelve cents a hour and eat monkey brains for dinner.

I am tired of the unions robbing our states blind and holding the government hostage, while they sit in hot tubs with union hookers.

I’m tired of having to pay more for my healthcare while these union thugs get free healthcare for their extended families, including their pets!

I’m tired of teachers that can’t be fired even after they molest little boys and girls in their first grade classrooms.

I’m tired of the union label!

Who do these cheesehead teachers in Wisconsin think they’re fooling?!

They don’t care about the children, they only care about putting more gallons of Coca-Cola and supersized tubs of chocolate ice cream in the sub-zero refrigerators they keep in their McMansions.

They only care about getting more vacation days so they can go down to Cancun and drink margaritas with tax-payer dollars and buy more Mexican dope.  They want more sick days and more time off in the summer, so they can laugh at the rest of us as we go to work.

They want to get paid NOT to teach!

Ed says, it’s time for the nation to revolt!

Bust the unions!  Bust the unions! Bust the unions!

Ed Anger is leading the Bust the Union Revolution in America!

Are you with me?

Fill out the poll below, let’s see if you are a Union Whiner or a True American:

HANDENBURG, Austria - President Obama has been robbing Austrian banks to fuel the US economy.

Austrian authorities have yet to catch President Obama after a string of bank robberies that he has committed since the US economic collapse of 2008.

His most recent heist took place this past Thursday in the hamlet of Handenburg where he held tellers up at gunpoint and made off with thousands upon thousands of Euros. The Austrian financial system has been growing steadily, making it a prime target for the President.

While White House officials have neither confirmed nor denied the whereabouts of the President last Thursday, they did offer this statement.

“Just because a black guy is seen on tape robbing a bank doesn’t mean it’s the President. We really thought that everyone had already gotten over this idea that all black people look alike.”

However, tea party people across the nation are not being convinced so easily. “Obama is blowing money left and right. He’s just desperate and this new tactic to aid the US economy doesn’t surprise me in the least,” said Robert Minford, tea party activist and bank heist historian, “He has already robbed the American people with the US bank bailouts. What’s to stay that he wouldn’t rob an actual bank?”

Chinese officials are showing concern as well. “All throughout the state dinner last week President Obama kept asking President Jintao about where he banks and about the layout of his local branch. All the while, the first lady was giving President Jintao seductive eyes in that sexy red dress. I think she was trying to get him to let down his guard during the series of bank related questions,” said a top Chinese official who wished to remain anonymous.

It has been rumored that the President will pull together the cast of Ocean’s Eleven and Twelve but not Thirteen, no one saw that one so what’s the point, in order to pull off his Chinese bank heist; code name: Oriental Express. George Clooney, however, will not be able to do the job since he recently contracted malaria, again, which has really bummed the President out.

Completion of this holdup would potentially allow the US to secure its position as the number one economic super power as well as giving them the opportunity to buy back Alaska from the Russians. However, many Democrats are not sure that this would be the best use of funds.

“We finally found a way to get rid of Sarah Palin with the sale of Alaska. Why in God’s name would we want to get her back?”

WASHINGTON -  A day after reading the U.S. Constitution, Republicans will read the Bible in the house floor.

After Republicans finished reading the U.S. Constitution on the house floor, Speaker of the House, John Boehner, announced they would follow-up today with full reading of the King James version of The Bible.

Every Democrat in the House objected to the Speaker’s decision, many of them citing the separation of Church and State.

“The U.S. Constitution was based on the Bible.  Our founding fathers wanted the Bible to be an important part of daily life for members of Congress.  I intend to have The Bible read, in its entirety, at least once a  year, as long as I am Speaker of the House,” said John Boehner.

As lawmakers prepared for the first-ever reading of the Bible on the House floor, a brief debate erupted Thursday over exactly which portions of it should be read – and who should read it.

“We’re reading it all.  From alpha to omega,” said Boehner.

Eric Cantor (R-VA), the only Jewish Republican in the House, will get things started by reading Genesis. John Boehner has decided to read Exodus – “I feel a bit like Moses.  I want to lead my people out of tyranny and oppression.  I want to bring the two parted sides of the Red Sea, Republican and Democrat, together and lead them to the Promised Land of small government.”

Paul Ryan (R-WI), the head of the Budget Committee will read the Book of Numbers, right after Darryl Issa (R-CA), the Chairman of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform reads Leviticus.

Former Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi has requested that she read the Book of Job.  She’ll be wearing a traditional Muslim head scarf when she does so.

Although many viewed the reading of The Bible as a nod to the conservative “tea party” movement, which pushes for a return to a more religious government, many Democrats are fighting to read the part of Jesus, when Congress makes it to The New Testament.

“Barack Obama will read the Jesus passages,” said outgoing White House Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs.  President Obama wants to re-establish his Christian roots and as Gibbs went on to say, “there is nobody else in America more qualified to read the part of Jesus than Barack Obama.”

There are many, many Senators and Congressmen vying to read the role of Judas.  As of this writing, no decision was made.

But rest assured when John Boehner hears Michele Bachmann read Psalms, there will be weeping and wailing.

If you have any suggestions for passages of the Bible that a certain member of Congress should read, please comment here and we will forward to John Boehner.

JUNEAU, ALASKA –   Sarah Palin is a robot and she/it malfunctioned during her new reality show!

After Sarah Palin short circuited on the set of her new TV show, TLC officials are confirming that the popular Tea Party politician and Republican Presidential hopeful is actually a robot!

Network executives are may have to push back the last six episodes of  Sarah Palin’s Alaska after its star suffered a serious software malfunction during filming.

“At first I thought she was just being weird Sarah Palin again,” said Andy Masterson, a cameraman for Sarah Palin’s Alaska, “but then I noticed smoke was coming out of her ears and her eyeballs were dangling out of her head. That’s when I knew something was wrong.”

Several Republican leaders have now come forth with admissions that Sarah Palin is indeed a robot, designed and programmed by the Microsoft Corporation to win the presidential election in 2012.

“The Republican Party apologizes to the TLC network for any harm that might have been caused by the Palin-bot” said Republican House minority leader John Boehner. “To be honest, we had no idea what we were doing when we built her. We just wanted something pretty around the office.”

According to first hand accounts, the malfunction was caused when Rob Rigelson, a tech assistant on Sarah Palin’s Alaska, accidentally inserted his cell-phone’s memory card into Sarah Palin’s central processing center, which happens to be in her butt.

“Oh man, this is all my fault,” said Rigelson. “I was just trying to download naked TSA scans of my ex-girlfriend and my SD card ran out of memory. There was an extra microchip laying around in Sarah Palin’s dressing room, so I swiped it. I didn’t know it was her artificial brain!”

When it came time to film one of Sarah Palin’s scenes, the set technicians accidentally put Rigelson’s chip into Palin’s butt. That’s when the short circuit occurred.

TLC executives then had to call Bill Gates, the head of Microsoft and chief programmer of the Palin-bot, to fly up to Alaska and “fix the problem.” Weekly World News photographers were there to capture the moment:

This is not the first time the Palin-bot has short-circuited in public. Republican officials have recently admitted that several of Palin’s embarrassing moments, including her prank phone call from Nicolas Sarkozy and her “I can see Russia from my house” comment were actually the results of software malfunctions.

I can see Alaska from my house video:

Nicolas Sarkozy prank call video:

ALASKA -  Sarah Palin celebrated her big Tea Party win on Tuesday by turning herself into Bat Boy!!

Sarah Palin has been riding high since the big Republican victory on Tuesday.  But to everyone’s surprise the FIRST thing she did on Wednesday morning was… she joined in the fun and Bat Boy herself!

Sarah Palin knows that even though this was a big year for her and her party, becoming Bat Boy was the highlight of your 2010.   She was inspired by seeing the picture of Bat Boy in the East Village last Monday!

Sarah Palin wanted to know what she would look like as Bat Boy?
So  she did it.

Now for the first time check out the official Bat Boy Yourself facebook application from Weekly World News.

It’s live right NOW so click below and make someone smile on Election Day!

GO BAT BOY YOURSELF on FACEBOOK!!

And here’s a little love song to Sarah Palin for you:

WASHINGTON  -  Meghan McCain announced on ABC’s “This Week” that she is a witch.