NEW YORK – Jake Gyllenhaal bought an $11,000 guitar for his new girlfriend, Taylor Swift, on her 21st birthday.

Jake Gyllenhaal gave girlfriend Taylor Swift a guitar worth 11,000-dollars on her 21st birthday.  The legendary American guitarist Chet Atkins has signed the guitar.  So has Gene Simmons of Kiss.

The expensive gift topped a week where he introduced his new girl to his family, including sister Maggie Gyllenhaal and his four-year-old niece Ramona on a recent trip to New York. The two had been spotted flirting around local coffee shops in Brooklyn and Nashville in recent weeks.

“Taylor is smitten. She loves how nice and affectionate he is,” said a source. The age difference hasn’t seemed to be a problem for the lovebirds either. “Jake likes that Taylor is sweet, low-key and very easy to be around,” added a source.

Jake Gyllenhaal is certainly scoring some big-time boyfriend brownie points with his new girlfriend Taylor Swift.

But, maybe not.  Apparently Gyllenhaal isn’t the best at picking out guitars.  Here’s the guitar he bought for her:

“What the hell kind of guitar is he buying her,”  said legendary guitar expert, David de Andrade.  “He buys her a Flying V.  He thinks that’s what she wants?  He got ripped off too… I can get him that guitar for $600.  What a tool.”

Jake got the hot hint about the special instrument when Taylor reportedly mused over a guitar during a recent trip to Nashville. Jake thought he was buying a vintage Gretsch guitar, but he picked out the wrong one.

“Jake’s always been a little slow on the uptick,” said his sister Maggie Gyllenhaal.  “I wanted an iPod for Christmas a few years ago and he bought me a Walkman.”

Wonder what he’s going to get her for Christmas?

MICHIGAN – A rare breed of Angel Fish, was discovered in Lake Superior

Last weekend, fisherman out on Lake Superior were shocked to discover a large school of fish near the Canadian border.    A few of the fisherman put on scuba gear to have a closer look and were shocked at what they saw.

“I’ve never seen such beautiful fish.  They were mesmerizing.  Each of them were about ten inches long and about four inches wide.  They didn’t seem to swim as much as they glided through the water.”

If you notice, the face of the Angel Fish looks like Taylor Swift.  This is something that was captured by one of the Michigan fishermen, and was only a temporary sighting.  The angel fish seemed to “glow” in the image of Swift and Katy Perry and Reese Witherspoon.  “It was the damnedest thing.  One second it’s a fish head and the next moment there’s Reese Witherspoon looking right at me,” said Charlie Blanca of Flint.

“It’s not an uncommon occurrence,” said marine biologist Barton Combs.  “It’s a little know fact, but fish heads can morph naturally.  There must have been an old magazine floating in the water with Taylor Swift’s picture on it.   The fish came in contact with the magazine and took on the image.  Temporarily, of course.”

Since the sighting last weekend, there have been hundreds of sightings of the Angel Fish.  People are coming to Lake Superior from as far as away as Guam and Cambodia to see these “miracle fish.”   Many people feel that if they swim in the water – the cold water of Lake Superior – and float with the Angel Fish for a short time, they can be healed.  “It’s like seeing the Virgin Mary in a taco shell, but better,” said Angelina Moreno of Rosarito, Mexico.

Is it possible that these Angel Fish can heal the sick?

“The simple answer is: yes,” said Combs.  “These fish seem to release healing enzymes into the water and if a human absorbs these enzymes through their skin, they can have a powerful effect on their immune system.”

So go to Lake Superior… and swim with the Angel Fish!

HOLLYWOOD – Lady Gaga wore her meat dress out tonight and was attacked by a pack of wild dogs.

Two days after Lady shocked everybody with her meat dress at the MTV Video Music Awards, she wore it out again to the hot new restaurant, Red O, on Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles.   As she was getting out of her limo, a pack of wild dogs jumped her and ate her meat.

Gaga tried to get away, but the dogs kept biting her meat, tearing it off her. Several of Gaga’s body guards tried to pull the dogs away, but they were bitten on their hands and legs.  The dogs -= two rottweilers, a pit bull and two mutts – were just too wild to control.  Gaga fought the dogs with kicks, screams and a verse from her hit Speechless.   LAPD and Animal Rescue were called and arrived quickly.

The LAPD tased the dogs and they finally gave up on the meat. Gaga, surprisingly, only sustained minor injuries. The dogs ate all her meat, however, and she was left nude on the sidewalk.  Animal Rescue tried to put Lady Gaga in the truck, but her bodyguards stopped them.

Meatloaf, the aging rock star, was seen nearby. Some thought he had something to do with the wild dogs because he was heard telling his plastic surgeon, “I should be the one wearing meat. I’m meatloaf, not her!”

Representatives from PETA also denied rumors that they were responsible for the dog attack on Gaga’s meat. “We don’t like celebrities to wear furs and we certainly don’t like them to wear meat!” Lady Gaga had already explained her raw meat dress, “it’s not a matter of disrespectful to vegetarian persons.” She went on to say that if “we don’t fight we’ll all be meat soon.” She didn’t explain what or who we were fighting.

But as a consolation to PETA, Lady Gaga will be wearing only raw vegetables when she performs in Las Vegas this week. “I think I’ll look good in broccoli,” Gaga said.

Gaga told Ellen on her show that she wore the meat because she wasn’t performing on the VMAs and she didn’t want to let her beloved fans (her “little monsters”) down by being “just another bitch in a dress at an awards show.”   So she went to a butcher in Brentwood and got outfitted.  She said she was even wore  ground beef panties.

And the dogs?  Don’t worry, they are fine.  They will be up for adoption this week.  Several members of LA Animal Rescue said they’d never seen dogs so happy.  “They really loved Gaga’s meat.”

Oh well,  maybe there are some broccoli lovers out there…

Here’s Gaga’ Vogue meat bikini cover:

NEW YORK, NY – One music star is having his tweets brought to life with cartoons!

Kanye West has only recently unlocked the powers of Twitter. That comes as a surprise given the fact that West is one of the more outspoken celebrities we know. Never afraid to say his piece – as seen by his MTV VMA’s incident with Taylor Swift – West is now speaking his mind on Twitter. His Tweets are now being brought to life by a series of cartoons by The New Yorker.

The combination West’s new found love for Twitter and The New Yorker’s crisp humor has become a viral sensation. West has amassed more than 400,000 followers in less than a month. The rapper has offered his followers cryptic thoughts and nuggets of deep wisdom. His Tweets have been so out there, that there was no better way to convey those messages than with a well-paired cartoon.

Check out a sampling below.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – The always controversial Simon Cowell is stirring up some new buzz!

Simon Cowell is finishing up his last season with American Idol and there will certainly be a huge void to fill. Cowell has been known, for as long as he’s been on the show, as the “bad guy.” His harsh criticisms for contestants in the past have brought many to tears. There are also times when many, including co-judges such as Randy Jackson, have felt that his words have gone overboard.

Regardless, there will be a need for a new third judge and Cowell has weighed in on the issue. Cowell fielded various questions from reporters during a press conference yesterday.

He was asked how much music business experience is really required for the job. “I think it’s really important…And I think over the years, judges have been replaced by personalities. That in the long term will create problems, because you’ve got to be able to spot a star,” Cowell said.

And to those who are in charge of replacing him, he had a message. “Find somebody who actually knows what they’re talking about and has actually experienced success in the mussy business.”

There have been many rumors that Howard Stern might be a potential replacement, but Cowell quickly laid that to rest. “Howard Stern doesn’t seem to fit any of my criteria. He’s played records, maybe that’s a good qualification, that he’s a DJ,” Cowell said. He did, however, lend his support for Perez Hilton. “Perez would be funny. He’s got good taste in music, he’s got a personality, that could work.” Perez Hilton has his own music label under Warner Music Group.

He ended with thoughts of Lady Gaga being a guest judge, finding his own Taylor Swift to win the competition, and having a successful last season. “I want to go out on a high; It’s my last season, I want it to be successful and I’m going to do everything I can to make it happen.”

BURBANK, CA – Taylor Swift and her Label have been working overtime defending her lackluster performance at the Grammys. 

Thursday she finally cracked from the pressure and took a Burbank family hostage. On Sunday Taylor Swift both won and lost at the Grammys.  She picked up 4 of the awards, including album of the year, but then did a performance with Stevie Nicks that critics are ripping apart ever since.  After a week of silence to satisfy critics, Swift finally cracked and took a Burbank family hostage Thursday afternoon.  She told police she would release the hostages when critics stopped saying mean things about her.

Since her grammy performance critics have been ruthless towards Taylor Swift.  The Washington Post said she was “tinny, off key, and incredibly wretched.”  The Atlanta Constitution called it “The musical equivalent of watching your grandmother die.  Slowly.”  The New York Post simply posted a picture of some vomit and put Swift’s name under it.  Taylor Swift’s manager, Sal Bruschetta of Big Machine Records, went on the offensive to defend his client.  “Taylor Swift is a 20 year old artist!  She may not hit all the notes, or remember the words, but that’s part of her art!  This isn’t a competition of pure technical prowess, like American Idol.”  In response to this comment Kelly Clarkson visited Swift’s home and left a flaming bag of excrement on her doorstep.

Having had enough Taylor Swift finally snapped while visiting some fans.  Thursday afternoon she was doing philanthropy work and paid a surprise visit to a family who had been out of work for a year, but whose children were fans.  Swift arrived with her friend and Disney star Selena Gomez.  One of the children commented naively “I saw you on TV this weekend.  You sounded like my cat when she wants a boyfriend.”  Swift cracked, grabbed at the father’s gun from the mantle and took the family hostage.

For 16 hours Taylor Swift held a family captive.  Police, alerted that there was a Disney star in trouble, were on the scene in minutes.  A teary and visibly shaken Swift stepped out to discuss her demands holding the most famous of her hostages.  Gomez, a professional since childhood, smiled and posed for the cameras as if nothing was wrong.  Swift asked to speak with her manager and asked that all unfair criticisms of her be retracted.  Eventually negotiators were able to calm Swift down about her reviews and convinced her to release the hostages.

Swift has agreed to take a few days off to relax before resuming her tour.  The family she took hostage will not be pressing charges, on the condition she come back and perform at their daughters birthday party.  Selena Gomez will report to a Disney re-education facility to have the incident wiped from her memory.