HOMESTEAD, FL – “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” was gracious enough to feature Manigator on last week’s episode. In usual form, Manigator was not gracious in return.

The TV show usually features a family that has faced some sort of recent or ongoing hardship. The host, Ty Pennington, had heard of Manigator’s troubled times, and hand-picked him for last Sunday’s show.

It was, of course, a disaster from the start. The episode began with Ty visiting Manigator in his shack on the edge of the Everglades National Park. Ty tearfully recounted Manigator’s lonely childhood as a freak of nature and his inability to keep a job due to discrimination; Manigator switched between nodding encouragingly and dozing off behind his sunglasses.

Unfortunately for Ty, any Weekly World News reader could have told him Manigator’s perpetual unemployment is due to his massive drinking problem and refusal to respect authority.

Manigator was then sent to Miami for a week while the construction crew began putting up his new house. He did not look at any of the progress videos that were sent to him, as he spent his entire trip at the Booby Trap “gentlemen’s club”.

Upon returning, Ty excitedly showed him the new house. Manigator went completely silent and stared unmoving at the building. He finally waddled over and expressed his displeasure by urinating on the front door, before fleeing into the swamps with a screaming Ty in tow.

The house has since been given to a vampire family with a disabled child who lacks fangs.

CHICAGO, IL – President-Elect Barack Obama will soon be appointing members to his cabinet, and insiders are predicting one surprising addition.

While it is still early yet, speculations have already begun on who Obama will be selecting to join his presidential cabinet in January 2009. Names like John Kerry, Caroline Kennedy, Colin Powell and Bill Richardson have been bandied about, but one name in particular stands out: Obatma.

When asked about the possibility at a brief press conference, Obama explained, “Look, I want to clarify, this would not be an act of nepotism. Obatma is an intelligent, cool-headed mutant, wise beyond his years.

“If he were ready, willing and able to take the position, I would happily make him the Commissioner of my newly created Bureau of Mutant Affairs.”

Obatma was unavailale for comment, as he is currently in the swamps of Gallatin County taking a well-earned break from campaigning for Obama.