NORWAY – The world’s last resort in case of a disaster sits on the Norwegian tundra locked in a vault!

A “doomsday vault” has been constructed in a remote mountainside in Norway. The vault will act as a failsafe in the wake of any disaster – manmade or otherwise. Inside it lies a global seedbank that could be used to replant the world if the unthinkable were to occur.

The vault serves as a Modern day Noah’s Ark, so to speak, and is full of plant life instead of animals. The vault is protected and stocked by the Global Crop Diversity Trust and this week stored new seeds to climb its deposits to a half-million seed varieties. Mold-resistant beans, a German pink tomato and a wild strawberry plucked from the flanks of a Russian volcano were stored.

The vault has been dug into the plateau mountain near the village of Longyearbyen, Svalbard. The arctic conditions provide natural freezing for the seeds and additional cooling helps the temperature drop down to a chilly minus .4 degrees Fahrenheit. The stockers hope the seeds stored in the vault could be used to restore life if a global crisis were ever to occur.

“The region on Svalbard surrounding the Seed Vault is remote, severe, and inhabited by polar bears,” according to the Global Crop Diversity Trust speaking of the vault’s safe location.

“Svalbard is a fail-safe backup to be used whenever a depositing seed bank loses part or all of its collection, but we should focus equally on averting disasters in the first place,” says Cary Fowler, executive director of the Global Crop Diversity Trust.

It goes without saying that the “doomsday vault” is a great fail-safe to have. However, the message that it convey is slightly frightening. In the wake of a faltering economy, increasing awareness of global-warming and advancements in war technology, one can only hope that the vault will only be needed but on a minimal scale.

SVALBARD, NORWAY – Cindy McCain will return to her ice kingdom following the November elections should her husband not be victorious.

Longstanding rumors allege Mrs. McCain has difficulties remaining for long periods of time in the hot temperatures of Arizona and Washington DC’s summer seasons.

Mrs. McCain, heiress to an American beer fortune, is also the Queen of Svalbard, the northernmost province of Norway.  Although the archipelago is technically part of Norway, the Norwegian government leaves all authority over the province to Mrs. McCain.

“We have treaties and we have an armistice line.  We don’t cross and thank heavens those creatures don’t cross either,” Morten Wetland, Norway’s Permanent Representative to the United Nations said through a translator.

The creatures that Wetland refers to, in addition to Mrs. McCain herself, include The United Tribes of the Three Polar Bear Legions as well as the Worg Enclave and the Sasquatch Nation.

While under McCain’s despotic rule, peace has been achieved among the bears, wolves and sasquatches.  In Wetland’s own words, “Thank the heavens the Ice Witch does not turn her icy glare south. “

Should Senator McCain lose his bid for the presidency, it is feared that Mrs. McCain will mobilize her minions from the ice kingdom to wage a war of revenge against America and her allies.

Stay tuned for updates as they become available.