HONG KONG – While Apple struggles to improve the iPhone 4, Chinese developers have released the iPhone 8.

According to reports out of Korea, Chinese developers have not only copied the iPhone 4, but they are already working on perfecting the iPhone 8.

Insiders at Korean factories, the ones that make the touch panel, the CPU and memory batteries for all iPhones, have disclosed that they are now working overtime on the Chinese-made iPhone 8. “The iPhone8 is not a knock-off.  The Chinese are using the Apple technology and creating a much better, smarter phone,” said Chan Kim of the Hyosung Engineering company.

Chinese leaders consider the iPhone 8 one of the greatest innovations to come out of China in the last year.  “We are very proud of our developers. Soon we will dominate the United States in the communication and technology industries,” said senior Chinese leader, Li Changchung.

The Chinese-made iPhone 8 exceeds the iPhone 4 in ease-of-use, design, speed and efficiency. Chinese developers are creating thousands of new apps for the iPhone 8.

American critics say the Chinese have stolen Apple technology, but the Chinese are insulted by such accusations. “We took existing technology and improved it. Americans should be thankful to us, not condemn us.”

Chinese leaders plan on creating a new company called Chinese Pomegranate.  “Pomegranate, Inc. will dominate the world of phones, laptops, computers, MP3 players and tablet computers” said Changchung.  “We are going to make pPods, pPhones, pPads and pPs.”

The iPhone 8 is the number one selling produced all across China, Korea and is spreading quickly across Asia.  Could Apple’s days as the dominant technology player soon be over?

Apple executives are flying to China to examine the iPhone 8.  The U.S. Secretary of Commerce, Gary Locke, is also looking into the situation.  “I’m sure the Chinese are not violating any copyrights or intellectual property rights of Apple.”  Locke went on to say, “I bought an iPhone 8 myself… It’s awesome!”

Apple  CEO  Tim Cook was unavailable for comment. He was busy working on the glitches to the iPhone 4

The story broke on the Japanese Bureau of Weekly World News

PALO ALTO, CA –   WWN has learned that Apple has created a special tombstone for Steve Jobs.

The shape of the Steve Jobs tombstone is an iPod.   It comes with a power adapter.

The inscription reads:  ”Steve Jobs, fatal error occurred.”

Why the iPod?   Insiders say that the iPod was the first product that Jobs launched when he rejoined the company and it was really want made Apple THE dominant player in technology, music and every other medium.

Some thought this was his headstone:

The family considered it, but they went with the iPod headstone.

Steve Jobs is buried in a non-denominational Palo Alto cemetery.   Visitors must be granted permission to view the grave.  If you are lucky enough to visit the grave you are reminded by the cemetery guide to “stay hungry, stay foolish” – a favorite phrase of Steve Jobs.

There are rumors that Steve Jobs was buried in a coffin that looked like this:

Those rumors are false.

The family is happy with the tombstone, but they are not so happy with the unauthorized action figure that was recently created.  Check it out:

Looks real, doesn’t it?  The 12-inch doll from In Icons and has round glasses, is dressed in Jobs’ classic uniform of black turtleneck, jeans and sneakers and has the trimmed facial hair that Jobs liked. The company is even including a stool and a “one more thing” backdrop to make your WWDC re-enactments even more lifelike, but alas, a tiny Mac, iPhone and iPad aren’t included.

The doll won’t be released until late February, but break out your credit cards because pre-orders for the $99 likeness are now being accepted.

RIP. Steve Jobs.  1955-2011.

In 2005 Steve Jobs delivered the commencement address to graduating students at Stanford University. Here is the video of his speech.

Badoo, a social networking site used mostly by non-Americans, asked it’s users to rate the world’s coolest nation.  America is #1!

It’s not much of a shock, but Badoo asked 90,000 users from 30 countries  to name the coolest nation and they chose America.  Duh.  Of course they did. America wins, again.

While Spain ranked coolest in Europe, and Brazil took the top spot for Latin America, the United States won the crown as hippest in the whole wide world. President Obama will fly to London to accept the award for America.

The Brazilians certainly were happy about being #2.  Well, they’re always happy.

A marketing director for Badoo told WWN, there’s lots of cool in America, “America has the world’s coolest leader, Obama; the coolest rappers, Jay-Z and Snoop Dogg; and the coolest man in technology, Steve Jobs of Apple, the man who even made geeks cool.  And you guys have Angelina Jolie.  I love Angelina Jolie.”

The least cool country in the world, according to the foreign American-lovers of Badoo, was Belgium, because aside from waffles, they don’t have much but a bunch of people who only bathe once a month.

Here’s a guy that most Belgians consider “cool”:

 ”We hear a lot in the media about anti-Americanism,” says Lloyd Price, Badoo’s Director of Marketing. “But we sometimes forget how many people across the world consider Americans seriously cool.”

It’s not a surprise because Americans invented cool in 1954 – two guys named “Elvis”  and “Miles” came up with the whole concept.   Ever since then, Americans have been obsessed with being cool.  a

What was most surprising is that the major European nationalities:  French, Brits and Germans were at the bottom of the list of “coolest” nations.

THE 10 COOLEST NATIONALITIES:

1. Americans

2. Brazilians

3. Spanish

4. Italians

5. South Africans

6.  Moroccans

7.  Japanese

8.  Ukrainians

9.   Filipinos

10. Swiss

THE FIVE LEAST COOLEST NATIONS

1. Belgians

2. French

3. British

4. Germans

5. North Koreans

CUPERTINO, CA — Steve Jobs announced he is building a new headquarters that will also double as a spaceship.

Apple Inc. is building new Northern California home: a spaceship that will house an estimated 12,000 employees.  The building will also be able to “take-off” into space in about five years.

Apple CEO Steve Jobs made a surprise appearance at a Cupertino City Council meeting late Tuesday to announce plans for a major expansion.  He introduced several members of NASA who explained how the building would be able to “launch” into space.

The building will have its own green-energy power plant, that will provide electricity for the building and will also provide the jet propulsion power to launch the building into space.

Jobs believes that, if all goes well with the technology he is developing,  the building will be able to reach Mars in 2020.

“We’ve got almost 12,000 people signed up for the building and spaceship,” he said at a town meeting in Cupertino.  “This will be the new Apple campus.  It will be a boost to Cupertino’s economy and a landmark once we take off for outer space.”

City officials appeared enthusiastic about the planned expansion and the building launch. Councilman Orrin Mahoney told Jobs that “the word `spectacular’ would be an understatement.”

“The building is a perfect circle, curved all the way around,” said Job. “There’s not a straight piece of glass on this building.”

“The project will be finished in the  fall of 2012,” Job said.  NASA has scheduled the first building launch for November of 2015.  Here’s NASA’s rendering of what it will look like shortly after it takes off:

PALO ALTO, CA -  It was revealed today that iPhones keep track of everywhere a user goes… and saves the information in a database!

Privacy fears raised as researchers reveal file on iPhone that stores location coordinates and timestamps of owner’s movements

Security researchers have discovered that Apple’s iPhone keeps track of where you go – and saves every detail of it to a secret file on the device which is then copied to the owner’s computer when the two are synchronized.

The file contains the latitude and longitude of the phone’s recorded coordinates along with a time stamp, meaning that anyone who stole the phone or the computer could discover details about the owner’s movements using a simple program.

For some phones, there could be almost a year’s worth of data stored, as the recording of data seems to have started with Apple’s iOS 4 update to the phone’s operating system, released in June 2010.

“Apple has made it possible for almost anybody – a jealous spouse, a private detective – with access to your phone or computer to get detailed information about where you’ve been,” said Pete Warden, one of the researchers.

Only the iPhone records the user’s location in this way, say Warden and Alasdair Allan, the data scientists who discovered the file and are presenting their findings at the Where 2.0 conference in San Francisco on Wednesday. “Alasdair has looked for similar tracking code in [Google's] Android phones and couldn’t find any,” said Warden. “We haven’t come across any instances of other phone manufacturers doing this.”

Simon Davies, director of the pressure group Privacy International, said: “This is a worrying discovery. Location is one of the most sensitive elements in anyone’s life – just think where people go in the evening. The existence of that data creates a real threat to privacy. The absence of notice to users or any control option can only stem from an ignorance about privacy at the design stage.”

Warden and Allan point out that the file is moved onto new devices when an old one is replaced: “Apple might have new features in mind that require a history of your location, but that’s our speculation. The fact that [the file] is transferred across [to a new iPhone or iPad] when you migrate is evidence that the data-gathering isn’t accidental.” But they said it does not seem to be transmitted to Apple itself.

Although mobile networks already record phones’ locations, it is only available to the police and other recognized organizsations following a court order under the Regulation of Investigatory Power Act. Standard phones do not record location data.

The iPhone system, by contrast, appears to record the data whether or not the user agrees. Apple declined to comment on why the file is created or whether it can be disabled.

Warden and Allan have set up a web page which answers questions about the file, and created a simple downloadable application to let Apple users check for themselves what location data the phone is retaining. The Guardian has confirmed that 3G-enabled devices including the iPad also retain the data and copy it to the owner’s computer.

If someone were to steal an iPhone and “jailbreak” it, giving them direct access to the files it contains, they could extract the location database directly. Alternatively, anyone with direct access to a user’s computer could run the application and see a visualization of their movements. Encrypting data on the computer is one way to protect against it, though that still leaves the file on the phone.

Apple can legitimately claim that it has permission to collect the data: near the end of the 15,200-word terms and conditions for its iTunes program, used to synchronise with iPhones, iPods and iPads, is an 86-word paragraph about “location-based services”.

It says that “Apple and our partners and licensees may collect, use, and share precise location data, including the real-time geographic location of your Apple computer or device. This location data is collected anonymously in a form that does not personally identify you and is used by Apple and our partners and licensees to provide and improve location-based products and services. For example, we may share geographic location with application providers when you opt in to their location services.”

CUPERTINO, CA – Apple launched its iPad 2 this morning and then announced that the iPad 3 will be available at the end of the year.

Apple launched its iPad 2 today and then said that the iPad 3 will be much better.

Here’s a summary of the new iPad 2:

The body: The iPad 2 is  sleeker and slimmer than its predecessor, which weighs in at 1.5 pounds. Apple often cuts weight and depth in newer models. Other rumors suggest the new model will have a thinner bezel.

From here, we get into a lot more speculation. Leaks about new iPad cases from third parties — not particularly reliable — have been fueling rumors about what to expect from the exterior of the iPad. Possible features from the rumor grab bag include a bigger speaker, a slot for an SD car, a Thunderbold input/output port  and a landscape docking port

The iPad 2 is smaller — as small as 7 inches — made so that it will compete with tablets such as the Galaxy Tab and HTC’s planned Flyer. Since Steve Jobs has made disparaging remarks about smaller tablets, this was somewhat of a surprise.

Should users go out and buy the iPad 2?

Well, according to Apple, you should buy the iPad 2 so that all your friends know that you are “cutting edge” and “hip.”   They encourage all Apple customers who waited in long lines to buy the original iPad to again wait in long lines to buy the new iPad 2 and to plan on waiting in long lines to buy the iPad 3 when it comes out in November.

“We will always have long lines for our customers to wait on to buy products that will be outdated in a short period of time,” said Apple CEO Steve Jobs.

WASHINGTON – Steve Jobs teams up with Senator John McCain to deal with iPhone-addicted Americans.

In the wake of last week’s nomination of WikiLeaks–the embattled champion of transparency in government and the free flow of information–for a Nobel Peace Prize, a number of enlightening high-level communications between Apple’s Steve Jobs and senior United States Senator John McCain have been released.

In the emails, which were exchanged just after Meghan McCain’s ‘Pajama-Gate’ played out on Twitter in the fall of 2009, Jobs and the Senator discuss the ‘planned obsolescence of our nation’s phone-addicted population.’

The plan–code name ‘iBlow’–is already in process and involves the insertion of a tiny, neurologically-calibrated entabulator chip into all iPhones, iTouches and music-playing iPhone clones, regardless of carrier. This chip will be triggered via satellite link from a remote location by Steve Jobs on Friday, February 14th,, 2011.

The ensuing electric charge will freeze the neural activity of anyone plugged into an audio stream, phone call or podcast via ear buds at the moment of activation.

Wrote McCain to Jobs in one of their many exchanges, ‘I tell you, Steve, I’m just tired of seeing all these kids walking around, plugged into these ridiculous mobile music devices, totally f*cking oblivious…These hipster doofuses couldn’t handle six days of torture, let alone six years!!’ McCain went on to indict Steve Jobs, Microsoft’s Bill Gates, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg and Starbucks for creating the maelstrom of technological gadgetry that, he says, has led to the decline and fall of the American intellect.

What is most surprising about the leaked communiqués is that Jobs himself seems to agree with McCain.

‘I hear you, man. I remember writing code on an MSDOS machine when I was still in training pants. Kids out of college nowadays can’t even spell ‘code’ without spellcheck.’

Jobs’ leave of absence from the helm of Apple also appears not to be due not to ill health, as has been generally reported, but was a critical step in the execution Operation iBlow. The emails indicate that Jobs will use the next week to move essential personal data from his iPhone onto his PC.

The clean-up phase of iBlow includes the collection and disposal of the neurally frozen citizens by sanitation workers around the country, who will then use the recycled organic material as fertilizer in the aerial reforestation of the National Parks.

Giles Jarmunk, current Director of the National Park Service, approves of the idea. ‘I really think we will be able to reverse the whole greenhouse effect here. We’ll be tending to our national forests and reducing, reusing and recycling a giant chunk of useless people. It’s genius, really.’

NEW YORK, NY – Teens are facing an epidemic – there might be one culprit behind it all!

Teens are experiencing an all time high in hearing loss. A stunning new national study has found that one in five teen has lost a little bit of hearing. Teens today are immersed in a world of technology that did not exist 20 years ago. Some experts are saying that digital music players are to blame, but what they really mean is that Apple Inc. is to blame.

iPods, iPhones, iPads – when it comes to technology, Apple pretty much has it covered. The tech giant has spread like a bad viral outbreak and their products have become an essential for many individuals – especially teens. Apple has always been a super secretive and protective company, treating any of its extensions like a child. It seems as though the method to their madness has been revealed – instill a national epidemic of hearing loss.

The researchers of this study analyzed data on 12 to 19-year-olds from a nationwide health survey. They compared hearing loss in nearly 3,000 kids tested from 1984-94 to nearly 1,800 kids tested over 2005-06. The prevalence of hearing loss increased from about 15 percent to 19.5 percent. Even slight hearing loss can cause problems in school and set the stage for hearing aids in later life.

All part of Apple’s plan. The “evil empire” – if you will – has been developing a new line of hearing and teaching tools. iBuds – Apple’s take on hearing aids – and iTutor – Apple’s teaching aid that helps teens understand words they might not otherwise due to hearing loss – have been in development for the last few years.

When the teen population is extrapolated, nearly 6.5 million have developed at least slight hearing loss. Those with slight hearing loss “will hear all of the vowel sounds clearly, but might miss some of the consonant sounds” such as t, k, and s, said Dr. Gary Curhan of Harvard-affiliated Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston.

Apple is renewing the consumer pool. A case of supply and demand. That is at least 6.5 million individuals that are going to need help hearing and perhaps paying attention in school. That spells a nice little chunk of new revenue for the company and is falling in line with their plans. While the researchers didn’t want to single out the company directly – perhaps out of fear for their life – Weekly World News knows the real truth behind the epidemic. Beware of the Apple!

CUPERTINO, CA -  Steve Jobs “freedom from porn” statement caused a firestorm in the tech world, so he created the iPorn.

Steve Jobs is proud that both the iPad and the iPhone give users “freedom from porn.”  Jobs believes that the iPad and iPhone gives users the benefits of the internet without “the dark side.”   “It’s all about freedom, ” Jobs said.  “Freedom from programs that steal your private data. Freedom from programs that trash your battery. Freedom from porn. “

But tech guru Leo Laporte had an interesting anecdote on his series “This Week in Google.”  If you watch the clip, which can be found here (Episode 51), you will hear Laporte telling co-hosts Gina Trapani and Jeff Jarvis that while “there’s no porno in the world of Steve Jobs…  that’s not my direct experience of Steve in the past.”

Hmmm… what does Leo know? Gawker is putting together a wonderful bribe package that is certain to get Leo to spill even more beans.

Jobs has been getting flak about “imposing his morality” on users and has gotten into heated debates,  particularly with Ryan Tate of Valleywag .

SO, Jobs decided to create the iPorn. This is a handheld device solely made for porn users and aficionados around the world.  “The iPad and iPhone are for good, respectable citizens.  The elites among us that are brilliant, highly educated, and… precious.” Jobs took a breath and continued, “but I do understand that there are people who engage in low-brow, sinful behavior and Apple should meet their needs as well. “

When pressed by WWN, Jobs did acknowledge that the majority of people using the internet are, in fact, looking at porn and did admit that he himself  had spent over ten thousand hours looking at porn on the internet.  “Hey, that’s why they invented it, right?”

Jobs gave his speech to a room full of Adult Video stars, who stood up, stripped naked and applauded – some were screamers.

Jobs got excited at this point in the presentation and picked up his new handheld device. “We quickly created the iPorn, which is a device that is ONLY for pornography.  There will be NO useful information on it whatsoever:  no nes, no politics, no blogs, no e-commerce, no books, no magazines… it’s all porn, all the time, baby.”

“We just keep trying to delight and surprise our users,” Jobs told the porn-loving crowd.  “With the iPorn users can carry pornography around with them all day and use it wherever and whenever they want.”   An Apple slogan for the iPad is “it just feels right to hold the internet in your hands.”   Jobs has modified the slogan for the iPorn:  “it just feels right to hold porn in your hands.”

The iPorn will be available at Apple Stores on August 15th.  The lines are already forming with 25,000 people lined up at the Apple Store on 5th Avenue.   If you build it…

Another winner for Apple!!!